Soup Kitchen

Fun Foods!

2012-02-05T13:38:00.002-06:00

Since we got the okay to decrease formula, we need some more foods to feed this boy. His new fave is kale, spinach, black beans, rice and chicken. I meant to buy some black beans today, but I forgot. I blame my forgetfulness on the fact that I had one cranky, teething boy with me. I usually don't take Joely shopping with me, but he needed to get out of the house. He's easily entertained by all the stuff and loves flirting with the ladies. Despite this, I knew I had to get in and get out before he had another meltdown. So, I forgot the black beans. I decided to try a new recipe. New recipe for today:

Brown Rice and Vegetable Medley
Cooked Brown Rice
Zuchini
Spinach
Red onion
Carrot
(I'm not putting no, but basically I put a little of each and add some water, blend)

I know Joel will love this as his favorite veggie is carrot. I know he will love it because I tasted it and loved it. I finished the remaining bit in the blender! I'm a pretty good chef!

Joel likes smoothies. Here's one I came up with:

Joel's Wildberry Smoothie
blackberries
blueberries
raspberries
1 banana
apple juice
2 baby spinach leaves

Okay, so here's a recipe for the adults! It's not alcoholic, so don't get your hopes up!I absolutely love the Genova pizza at Urban Crust. Since I can't eat there everyday, I decided to make my own. I was surprised when it tasted just as good as Urban Crust's. I even brought some to work for my co-workers! Yum!

Ashlea's Urban Crust Pizza
Pizza Dough (homemade or Pillsbury thin crust is just fine!)
Red Sauce (I bought Ragu Pizza Sauce)
Basil Pesto
2 containers of crumbled Goat Cheese
Argula
Eggplant

Cook dough for five to ten minutes at 400 degrees
take out dough
spread 2 tablespoons of pesto across dough (crust)
spread 2 table spoons of red sauce on top of pesto spread
sprinkle cheese on top of spread
place eggplant on top of cheese
cook for 7 minutes
add as much argula as desired

*I also added red onion to mine (can you tell it's my favorite?)

Joel Update at 8 months

2012-02-04T20:53:00.000-06:00

We made it through January without any ear infections! We're hopeful that this means no tubes for our little man!

We discovered that Joel is lactose intolerant. As a result, we've changed his formula. Not too excited about that, but I'm really sick of having to change his clothes after every feeding and sending multiple outfits to daycare. It made laundry time oh so fun! Joel has always been a spitter-upper, but when we went to exclusively formula feeding, we noticed that he was spitting up a lot more. He was almost throwing up as much as he was taking in, which is not good. Fortunately, switching his formula solved everything! Despite all this at 8 months, Joel is a healthy 16.4 pounds! He's such a big boy!

Dr. Ramirez also told Murad that we need to start giving him more food-food and decreasing his formula feedings. Right now, we're introducing pasta. We've started adding black beans, spinach, and rice to most of his faves. We also let him have little cookies. If we let him, Joel will feed himself (and the dogs who hover near his highchair).

Joel's top two teeth are starting to come in as well. He's putting everything in his mouth and has replaced spit-up with drool!

Joel is perfectly content with playing by himself. He can easily entertain himself with his toys and books and for that I'm thankful. We've noticed that having the TV off really helps his independent playtime. He vies for our attention more when he thinks we're watching TV. When the TV is off, he's content and will let us know (usually with a smile) when he needs some attention.

Even though Joely is crawling or walking yet, he's good at getting where he needs to be. He's mastered the art of scooting and rolling. I'm hoping that the formula change will allow him to be on his belly more, and eventually do some crawling. Then again, he may decide to skip crawling altogether!

Dr. Ramirez said that Joely is the healthiest that she's seen him. She told us to skip his 9 month appointment and come see her when he hits 12 months. Yep! That's right, folks. We're closing in on one year!

Tomorrow is Joely's In/Out Birthday! I don't have any pictures of me at 37 weeks, but I have this cute picture of Joel and me at 37 weeks out (okay it was taken last week, but you catch my drift!) Happy In/Out Birthday, Joely!

Dirty 30!

2012-01-29T20:47:00.001-06:00

Well, as many of you know, I am now thirty years old! My official birthday was Thursday. I can hear the "womp, womp" in the background as you realize that I was at work on my birthday. Definitely not fun, but my students made it a success. One student brought me a cupcake from Sprinkles, another one brought me a (fake) Gucci scarf, and I received handmade countless posters (including a Jayhawk one). One of my students brought me whole wheat toast with Nutella. This may seem a little weird, but we bonded over our love of whole weat toast and Nutella. I think we are the only ones in the school who eat it for breakfast each day.

When I got home, I spent most of the afternoon returning phone calls. Mr. Soup and Joel showered me with cake and a homemade dinner! I requested no gifts, as Murad shelled out a lot for my push prize (I absolutely love my Galaxy tablet; it's the reason why my Facebook page has a million pics of Joel) and Christmas. After Joel went to bed, we watched a movie and hung out.

On Friday, I went to Happy Hour with my work friends. It was fun and low-key, which was what I needed after a stressful week. We went to Kelly's Eastside Bar in downtown Plano which was convenient for me!

On Saturday, we started our day with a serious talk. I know that seems weird, but it was really needed. Mr. Soup is worried that I'm not getting enough "me-time." I think he's worried because of the stress of my job, motherhood and supporting him after his test. When I went to happy hour on Friday, I called to I check on Joely and he goes, "GO HAVE FUN!" Easier said than done, right? He's right though. I've been guilty of putting Joely first all the time. Since Murad takes Joely to work and I pick him up, Murad is going to pick up Joel twice a week (that's all that his work schedule will allow). I'll have time to go do my "me-time" stuff. Whether it's working out, meeting for coffee or a drink with friends, or whatever, I'll have those two afternoons to myself. I'm really excited about this, but also nervous. Picking up Joel is the highlight of my day and I treasure the time we spend after work; however, I know Murad is really looking forward to getting me back to "me." I know a lot of it has to do with my work situation, but I am thankful to be employed. I also think that I don't always realize how much work it is to be a mom. I used to scoff when people said that being a mom was hard. I LOVE mothering Joel each day. I didn't ever think of it as work, because I enjoy it so, so much. When I step away and realize how much work it is though, I can see why I am a little overwhelmed. So much of who I am is devoted to Joel (as evident by the fact that 99% of my blog entries are devoted to him; I promise that will change!), but I am more than his mommy.

After our big talk, we geared up for my birthday celebration. It was a much needed night out. We left Joel with the sitter who would have been more than happy to keep him overnight, but Murad and I are just not ready to leave him overnight with non-family members. We're getting there though...Anyways, I really wanted to celebrate my birthday in downtown Plano. I know that seems weird to celebrate in a suburb, but Murad and I really love our town. The restaurants and shops in downtown Plano are unique and the nightlife is vibrant. It's becoming more "urban" and we love spending time there. We wanted to share that with our friends, so we headed over to Urban Crust for a pizza dinner. I absolutely love their Genova pizza - eggplant, basil pesto, tomato sauce, goat cheese and argula..YUM! It was great to share good food and drinks with friends. Afterwards, we went upstairs to the rooftop bar to hear the DJ spin. the rooftop bar (called 32 Degrees because they serve all drinks at that temperature) was so much fun. Immediately brought me back to being in college. We had fun drinking, doing silly dances, and people-watching! Such a fun night and I'm so thankful for the people who made it a blast!

We headed over to pick up our little prince who graciously let us sleep in until 8:00am today. I then took a five hour nap while Joel and Murad had some daddy-time. We have been lounging around because our 30 and 31 year old bodies can't handle 3am bed-times. Although I loved the night out, it won't be a regular occurence.

30 is here and I could not be happier. I may not have all the answers, but I'm surrounded by people who love and support me. I'm figuring it out one day at a time. Here's to 30!

Way too many Changes

2012-01-27T22:06:00.001-06:00

When it rains it pours...
Joely is going through a clingy phase, which I am totally loving right now. He always wants to hug and love on his dad and me. It's great, especially since I spend my day with 120 kids who don't appreciate me. As a result, he hasn't been much fun at daycare. Abuela and Miss Christy report that he's quiet and not as playful as he used to be. I think Joely is an observer, but I do worry what that means. He's used to silence (we try to keep the TV off when he's up except for 30 minutes in the morning--I know...bad, but he loves Spongebob in the morning), tons of attention and he's used to playing by himself (he won't even share his toys with us). I welcome this clingy stage, but I worry what it means for the future, especially if we have more kids. Would he be a good big brother? If we don't have anymore children, will he develop the social skills he needs? Ah, how my mind works.

We also have to face the reality that he may not be able to go to daycare in the near future. Our daycare status is kind of up in the air with Christy leaving in May, the city enforcing stricter guidelines on the number of kids and Abuela's landlord selling her house. We are hoping and praying that he'll go there for at least another year, but at this point we just don't know. I started looking at other home daycares in the area and I just wasn't happy. All of them had violations from the state. Abuela has zero violations. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but when it's your pride and joy, you think differently. I just can't imagine sending him elsewhere. I just want the best situation possible. We've thrown around some possibilities.

-Our current one is to continue working our current jobs and look for another home daycare.
-I planned to work part-time and still send Joely to daycare full-time if Murad got his license. Now We're considering working opposite shifts: me part-time teaching at night and him during the day full-time. This would be good except: 1. there is no guarantee with part-time employment, especially with time off if I had another baby. 2. Joel would lose the socialization of daycare. 3. I would lose my "me" time altogether by mommying during the day and teaching at night. 4. Murad and I would rarely see each other. I'm not too worried about this one because my parents worked opposite shifts and made time for date-nights, lunch dates, etc.

Despite not knowing what is going to happen, I delight in this season of change. One of my weaknesses is control and this uncertainty is forcing me to let go and let God. I'm also trusting my husband more. He's been hounding me about getting more me-time. Today I went to happy hour with some friends. I called Murad to see how Joely was doing and he goes, "go have fun!" I don't think he understands how difficult it is to take off the mommy-hat.
Even though things are a little stressful right now with Murad being down, not knowing about our daycare and other things, I'm still extremely thankful for the life I have. I turned 30 yesterday, and for the most part I'm living a dream life that most people would envy. We may not have money, but I am employed, I am healthy, I have a home, I have two great dogs, I'm married to a man who loves me more than anything, and I have the sweetest prince of a son.
While I may not have the answers to what our future holds, I know that as long as Joely and Murad are with me, we'll make the best of it.

How do you mend a broken heart?

2012-01-24T06:50:00.002-06:00

I wish I could mend my hubby's broken heart. I hate to see him so, so down. I thought he was on the up and up, but Sunday was worse than Friday. We didn't go to the park. We didn't go to downtown Plano. At one time, I saw him closing the blinds on all the windows I had opened. He didn't even realize he was doing it. It was all subconscious. I wish there was a way to let him know he's not a failure.

He is reaching out and I'm thankful for that. I'm also thankful for the smile he gets on his face when Joely squeals with laughter. That boy seriously loves him some daddy. I'm thankful that hearing his daughter's voice cheered him up. Last night she called and he was thrilled. She was too. She genuinely sounded excited to talk to him. Afterwards, he said that Abby was such an inspiration. Her life is a lot harder than most kids. No matter what life throws at her, she is always cheerful, happy and usually smiling a big Campbell grin. I reminded him that she gets that from him.

I've never met a person so passionate about achieving his goals. When I met Murad he had barely graduated from a private college in New Jersey. He was going back to school to get a drug counselor certificate. Before moving here, he decided he wanted to go back to school the right way. He wanted to be a role model for his daughter since she didn't have very many. His first time in college, he was on an athletic scholarship. He also bounced around from college to college before finally graduating. This time, he was determined to do it right. He went back to school and got not only another bachelor's degree, but a master's degree. School wasn't easy for him either. Growing up he was in special ed due to reading problems and was always made to feel dumb when compared to his brother. He never let that get him down. Now, I see those insecurities creeping back in. The "I'm not good enough," is back.

I know that once he gets his license this will all be behind him,
but it is just so hard right now to realize that. He is not only a role model for Abby and Joel, but he's an inspiration to so many people. He's an inspiration to those who were called dumb or told they couldn't do something. I hope that he'll share his story with the world. I love him so much. I'm so lucky that he's my partner in life and the father of my son. He is my hero!

this weekend

2012-01-22T02:21:00.001-06:00

This weekend was not quite the celebratory weekend we envisioned, but it was a good one. I made M get out of the house and join his guy friends for some good ol' fashion video-gaming. Yes, we're nerd-bombers, I know. Tomorrow we plan to head to downtown Plano for some fresh air and to pick up some veggies at the farmer's market.

M also made a plan to practice acceptance find closure about the exam. He's also finding ways to prep himself for the test in April. I am so stinkin' proud of him. As much as it hurts my heart to see him hurting, I'm so proud of him. Today, he goes, "Ash, you working part-time and having more financial freedom would've been an added bonus, but I really, really wanted this license for me and I still do." I'm so glad he hasn't lost his drive. Like I said earlier, he truly is the best social worker out there. I truly believe it is his calling to be a social worker.

Ironically, I had been having panic attacks (not really) about the possibility of working part-time. I guess it's because of the "if you don't work, you don't get paid" thing. Despite having a more flexible schedule, I would miss money if Joel or I got sick. My part-time jobs are so erratic and having researching many, I did not find one that would guarantee a steady paycheck or benefits. We could add Joel and I to Murad's insurance, but what if we have another baby? I would need maternity leave and most part-time jobs don't offer that. So, my goal is to find a job/career that I love as a full-time job or make the best of the job I currently hold. Since teaching at the community college gives me the teaching freedom I so need, I'll probably continue doing that. Ashlea Campbell Writing also provides a creative outlet, so I will of course keep that up. Those part-time jobs give us a little extra cushion for travel and since we're about 80% sure we want to have another baby in the next year or two (Murad 100% sure and me 60% sure), we need to start saving for another car and for me to take unpaid time off (I really wish I would've taken 6 months off with Joely, but I'm determined to do it right with the next one...oh the things you learn!)

Another reason I need to work full-time is because of private school tuition...yep that's right. I finally won the private school debate! Okay, so we compromised. Prior to Joely being born I was pro-public education. As a product of public education, I believed that it was best. Plus, I felt that private school children were always socially awkward and sheltered. Stereotype, I know, but I felt it. Since Murad and I could not afford a home in Dallas and pay private school tuition, we bought a house in Plano where the schools are supposedly superb (we're not balling by any means, but our modest home would have been nearly twice as much as what we paid to live Plano. this is why people fled to suburbs like Plano and Richardson in the 70's and why they're heading to McKinney, Allen and Frisco now)

When Joel arrived, that all went out the window. I just wanted to keep him in a little bubble world. I actually wanted to homeschool him (no lie), but then I realized I would have to teach him math....Math is something I should not be doing, let alone teaching. As a teacher, I see the good and the bad with public education. I will say that some of it is frightening. Despite all my worries, M felt strongly that Joel and any subsequent Soup children needed to attend public schools, especially for the social factors. Well, somehow we stumbled across this article and M changed his mind. Even though the article has traces of racism and classism (it's like a private education "white-flight"), I mostly identified with the statements about students being ignored and the lack of opportunities available, especially at the secondary level. And even though we're not ballin' and we have no idea if me working full-time will help send Joel to school, our goal is to have him attend public school K-8 and private school for high school. Like I said, I don't know if this will work, but it is our goal for him. As an educator and mom, I want him to get the best education possible.

It's weird how my thinking has changed since Joely entered our lives. For the most part, I'm the mother I always envisioned I would be; however, every now and then I find myself becoming so consumed by something that I can hardly concentrate. The private school thing had been weighing my mind ever since Murad said no to it back in June (yes, I realize that he's only a baby, but I'm a planner). Now that we've reached a compromise that I can live with, I feel so, so much better.

Sad post

2012-01-21T07:46:00.001-06:00

So, M missed passing his social work licensure test by 4 measly points. He had done so well when we studied, but that four hour test killed him. I just don't know what to do or say to make him feel better. He really wanted to get a better job so that I could work part-time. Recently though, I decided that I still want to work full-time (I thrive on getting dressed and going to work each day), but just not at my current job. Maybe this is the motivation I need to find a new job or career.

On a positive note, he plans to take a prep course and take again in April. I'm really impressed with his ability to bounce back. The thing is, I know he is the best social worker out there. That damn piece of paper is the thing keeping him from helping people. The part that really kills me is that his score is passing in other states. All of those who sit for the LMSW exam take the same exam. The state determines the cut-off for passing. I wanna send a big Eff you to the state of Texas. I know when he passes, this will all be behind us. April isn't too far off so please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.I just hate for his heart to hurt like this! I love, love, love him and want this for him so badly. Seriously, he is the BEST social worker!

In other areas of our lives, things are going pretty well. Besides hating my full-time job, I'm loving teaching a new course at the community college. I'm so excited for all the things we're going to do this semester and my students are eager to learn. Ashlea Campbell Writing is taking off! This is truly what I needed! I love writing and the challenge associated with it. I'm gaining more gigs. Since one is a start-up company, I haven't received my dough yet, but they're launching this month!!!! I did my first guest blog entry and although I didn't make any money, it was really therapeutic for me. I wrote about what worked in our blended family. Even though things aren't the same with Abby, it was nice to revisit the good times with our family.

And to end things on a not so depressing note, Mr. Joely is growing, growing, growing! This week, we transitioned into 9 month pants! He's getting so long. As I type this he is rolling and scooting across the living room. For someone who can't walk or crawl he gets around. He's so freaking curious! I love it. I also love how he squeals when Murad walks into his room. He loves, loves, loves his daddy. He also can't stand to be away from me. This is a feeling I can't describe in words. I love feeling needed and wanted by him. I know in 12 years he'll be pushing me away.

Since the weather is nice, we may take a walk in the park. Let's hope I don't get bit by a dog again! And on that, we're outtie!

Getting my life back a little

2012-01-11T20:37:00.001-06:00

This post is probably TMI, but I really don't care. I'm slowly getting my life back. We have decided to wean Joel. And by we decided, I mean Joel decided. In mid-December I stopped pumping at work (talk about a relief). The stress of my job combined with weight loss made it hard to effectively pump at work. I was still able to nurse Joel in the morning and evening though. After his hospital stay my supply decreased dramatically. Nursing at home became a pain especially with those two teeth in full biting mode. Joely started pushing me away, and we were both in tears. I really beat myself up about it for a while, especially since I planned to nurse for 13 months. I'm now starting to accept that this chapter in our lives is over. Joel just doesn't want to nurse anymore, not even for comfort (tear). Now that he's eating more and more solids, he's also taking in less formula/milk. If I give him a 6 oz bottle of milk, he'll mess around and only drink 3 or 4 oz. It's weird, but I guess it's expected. My mom said my brother was the same way with her, and she forced breastfeeding with him three months after he was "done."

I'm excited to have my life back in that regard. I'll have more free-time and now. I can work out again, and get rid of that extra skin around my tummy. Despite being excited about getting my life back, I am sad about no longer nursing Joely. I know most women hate breast feeding, but I loved it. I felt so needed, loved and warm. I really did bond with my boy during that time. I think about how cute he used to look all curled up on his boppy, and it takes me back to when I had a wee-wittle one. He's now such a big boy now eating his big boy food. While I'm excited to watch him grow, I can't help but miss my baby. I wish I could go back to those early, sleep-deprived days. I had no clue as to what I was doing (I still don't), but I was so overwhelmed with love and worry. I miss that frustration and aching that I felt as we took our son home and tried to figure out what to do with him.

Now we have a curious boy who loves to play, laugh, learn and eat. I want to appreciate this time now because I know in a few months, another entry like this will appear here. I'll miss my little boy because I'll have a big walking and talking boy. Sigh...

On a brighter note, I no longer teach Saturday mornings! I've been teaching Saturday mornings at the community college for the past year and a half! I signed up to teach Monday and Wednesday evenings and Saturday mornings this semester (what was I thinking?). Luckily, my Saturday morning class was canceled due to low enrollment. It means no extra money, but somehow we'll manage. We always do. This means more fun time with Joely and maybe a chance to sleep in---ha! I've been kind of MIA at church on Sundays because I work furiously on Sunday to get all my Saturday morning stuff done. Now, I can make church a priority again.

So, I'm happy to report that I'm getting my body back, my Saturday mornings back and my church-going Sundays back! Woo-hoo!

Taking Risks!

2012-01-07T08:17:00.000-06:00

One of my freelance job assignments was to write about taking risks! This was difficult for me because I generally do not take risks. I realize now that I am taking one of the biggest risks (for me) of all: delving into this freelance writing world! I really have no idea if this is going to work out financially, but I am optimistic. Focusing on this has made me 10x happier and able to get through my job each day. Even though I'm taking a risk, it's a very calculated one. I'm trying to make sure all my ducks are in a row. I'm also thinking about the far future. In 20-some years when Joely is off to college (tear), I won't have to retire when we move to Seattle; I'll still be able to work as a freelance writer.

Anyways, I'm trying not to get too excited by it all. Who am I kidding? I can't help myself. Don't forget to like us on Facebook!

Joely Likes

2012-01-06T20:13:00.000-06:00

-biting, especially people's (mommy's) breasts. he even smiles after he does it.
-throwing toys - any and all; everywhere. I started putting small toys on his highchair tray to distract him while I get out his food. He picks them up and then throws them and laughs
-he likes lifting toys over his head, especially his My first story reader and steering wheel
-attacking other babies at daycare. Abuela and I truly think he wanted to play, but the other baby was not having it!
-grunting at the dogs
-feeding the dogs
-zucchini
-squash
-carrots
-yogurt
-crunchies (they're like Cheetos puffs for babies)
-music
-pulling mommy's face
-pulling blankets over his head and then pulling them off
-kicking everything, especially when he's on the changing table
-splashing water

Joely dislikes
-afternoon naps (really naps in general)
-avocado
-being forced to sit up
-not being able to crawl to get a toy that's out of his reach

That's our Joely! At 7.5 months, he's such much fun to watch. He's such a learner and observer. Even though my sweet newborn has been replaced with a toy-chucking menace to the nursery, he's still such a sweetheart. Every morning he reaches for me and pulls me in for a big sloppy kiss and then wraps his arms around me. He's a good 15 pounds, but he's growing longer which makes me think I should wash some 9 month clothes this weekend. I cannot believe how quickly this time has gone. I miss my baby, but I'm in love with this little boy.

A Different Kind of New Year's & Resolutions

2012-01-01T19:51:00.000-06:00

Well, for the 2nd year in a row the Campbells have stayed in for New Year's. We got invited to a couple of parties, but we're still in the "only family and friends babysit Joely," mode. So, we opted to party a little bit at home. Maybe next year we'll be more apt to leave him with a sitter.

Murad and I picked up some steaks and shrimp. Murad cooked the steaks and I made a shrimp/rice pilaf and champagne cupcakes. Joely was super-lame and went out to sleep at 7:00pm. I fell asleep around 9:30p and woke up to Murad jumping on the bed at 11:58 with sparkling cidar. We stayed up and watched the ball drop. I then watched old epidsodes of Tosh.0 (love that show) until the west coast ball dropped.

Today we did little things around the house. Murad cleaned out the gutters and helped me work on putting together a linen cabinet for the master bathroom. We mostly just spent the day with Joely. We reflected back on how great 2011 was for us and what we look foward to in 2012. We have some pretty big milestones as I turn 30 (January) and Joely turns 1 (May). We also have some traveling to do as we'll travel by plane to Philadelphia again in May and we plan to make a trip Kansas to see family in March. No summer trips planned,but I'm hoping that maybe we can do a weekend in Houston or San Antonio if we can't afford to take a big trip. Here's a short recap of 2011:
January - my 29th birthday and we found out Baby C was a he!
February - big snowstorm!! missed five days of work!
March - Murad and I celebrated 2 years of wedded bliss! Murad was inducted into the South Jersey Track & Field Hall of Fame
April - Wichita baby shower
May - work baby shower, 5 year annivesary of when we met, 1 year anniversary of closing/moving into our home, gave birth to Joel Tariq Campbell
June - my parents and my in-laws came to see Joely
July - we started getting more sleep
August - Joel was baptised at my home church in Wichita, Joel started daycare
September - Joel had his first ear infection
October - State Fair of Texas
November - Joel's first plane ride
December - Joel's first Christmas / hospital visit oh and on December 31st, Joel ate his first Gerber crunch!
So what are my New Year's Resolutions? See below:
Eat better
Now that Joely is eating, Murad and I are trying to be better models. My goal is to buy our produce from local growers. Luckily, we have a great farmer's market down the road!

Achieve my career goals
I feel like I spent most of 2011 defining my career goals, and now I want to go after them. I need to stop being afraid of the risk and do it! I feel like I've put lots of things in place, but I have yet to really act on them.

Get Organized
Who doesn't put this on their list? Laundry is my biggest foe. let's hope this linen cabinet helps!

Pay down debt and put more in savings
I always do a good job at this, but always good to have as a reminder

Put more money in Joely's college fund
because damn it's going to be expensive to send his ass to college!

Read More
I've really slacked off on reading. I used to read every night before bed. I'm lucky if I can keep my eyes open before my head hits the pillow.

Gain some weight
I know this seems weird. I've lost all the baby weight and then some, but now I'm not able to nurse as well. My goal is to nurse him (not exclusively) for 13 months so end of June. Right now I'm only nursing twice a day and he's no longer getting pumped milk during the day. =(
People have asked what I've done to lose weight, but I don't have a magic trick and my stomach still has lots of extra skin, so it's definitely not cute. I attribute my weight loss to a few things:
-nursing
-Joel is my first child and it's easier to lose weight after the first one (or so I've been told)
-eating smarter. I eat a lot! I snack throughout the day and I don't limit myself. I just make better choices
-walking
-drinking more water
-baby-wearing
-active child - When I left the hospital in May, I immediately lost 10 lbs. Then I lost five more and then I was stagnant. When Joel hit about 5 months, the rest of the weight just dropped off. I think I lost 20 lbs in a month. Joel is much more active. He's not crawling, but he finds ways to get into trouble. Plus, I have a tendency to pick him as much as I can for hugs and kisses. It's like lifting weights.
So, while I'm glad I have lost the baby-weight, I'd rather pack on a few pounds so that I can pump more and nurse him more. I'm totally not against formula, but man does his breath stink when he drinks it!
That being said, I do miss Joely being a little baby. I'm thinking maybe in 2012, I'd have another baby? Nah! Just kidding! I'm cool with just Joely for now, but I'm getting to a place where I'll consider trying for another baby in late 2012 (like December 31st) or 2013. I'm not gonna lie though, I am totally content with Joely. In fact, I cannot imagine my heart opening up anymore because he has totally stolen it. I just want to spoil him rotten forever, but I know that will change. Right? Well, nevertheless 2011 brought so many blessings to our lives. I cannot wait to watch our son grow into a little boy in 2012.
*disclaimer. I'm using Internet explorer and it's super slow. For some reason Firefox isn't working. So, I apologize for all the typos!*

Rap Music

2011-12-29T23:56:00.000-06:00

I've taken a little hiatus of mainstream hip-hop. In our vehicles we mostly listen to conscious hip-hop or rap from the 80's and 90's. Believe me, it has nothing to do with Joel and everything to do with the fact that we're not cool! Although, I will say that conscious rap is cool!

Lately though, I've turned off 90's on 9 and BackSpin for some Shade45 (Eminem's station)! I like the deejays on that station because they make me laugh, and they always get the best celebrity interviews. As a result, I've got a case of I respect you slash I don't respect you at all!

First up: Nicki Minaj
Pros: I love her flow game and the way she makes her voice sound
Cons: I hate everything she stands for. Who the hell makes her stage name Nicki Minaj (It's spelled menage, you idiot!)

2nd: Lil' Wayne
Pros: He's been in the rap game since he was 14!!! He went to college (UofH) and made A's & B's for the one semester he was there. He took hard classes too (Economics, English Lit, etc.)
Cons: He dropped out of college. He went to jail. He's hood-rich. He's got 3 baby mamas!!! He perpetuates the stereotype of young African-American males as being ignorant, promiscuous and deviant.

Shameless Plug

2011-12-29T09:11:00.002-06:00

Please like Ashlea Campbell Writing on facebook or visit my blog Ashlea Campbell Writing! I don't sell Mary Kay or Avon, so I will never ask any of you to buy something from me. This is my shameless plug and my way of asking for your support as I venture into the freelance arena. Right now I'm not making any real money, but someday I hope to make enough money to make it a career. My ultimate goal is to teach at the community college (I currently teach one class) part-time and freelance part-time. In order for this to be a reality, I need to score some more gigs. I currently freelance for Leadership Gold 4 Women. I just lined up some guest-blogging gigs on some major blogs, so I'm hoping this will get my name out there as well!

Writing has always been a passion of mine, but it got put on the back-burner once I entered college, graduated and decided to develop my K-12 teaching career. Now that Joel is here, I need a more flexible career where I can easily pick him up from daycare if he is sick, and a career where I'm not under as much stress as I am on a daily basis. I also realize that K-12 education is no longer my love. I want a career that ignites my passion. Since there isn't one out there, I'm attempting to create my own!

If you know of anyone needing freelance writing services, consulting or tutoring, I'm your Girl Friday!

Merry Christmas

2011-12-26T00:38:00.000-06:00

If I had to write this post on December 22nd, the tone would be quite different than it is today, Christmas Day (technically the 26th). I had a specific vision in my head as to how Joely's first Christmas would be. We would travel to Nana and Papa's house in Kansas. Joely would attend Christmas Eve church service where everyone would ooh and aahhh over him. That evening we would open one gift and my parents (Nana and Papa) would fuss over getting a good shot of him tearing at the wrapping paper. Those dreams were dashed when we discovered that Joely had RSV....

On December 22nd, Joely woke up with a slight cough. We didn't think anything of it because he had been battling an ear infection (more about the possibility of tubes in another post). I sent Joely to daycare so that I could do some packing as we planned to get on the road early the next morning. Later that day Christy texted me saying that Joel was coughing and wheezing. I rushed over there to pick him up and quickly made an appointment to see Dr. Ramirez. Dr. Ramirez's nurse did an RSV test and it came back positive. Dr. Ramirez felt badly because we had been in her office on Monday for an ear infection, and she thought he may have picked it up then. Since Joely is so young, she went ahead and put him in the hospital. She thought that it would help him get over it quickly, but after we got there we realized that any hopes of leaving the hospital before Christmas Eve were quickly dashed.

Murad and I were so scared. As new parents, we didn't know what to expect. Was it life threatening? Is he in pain? Can we do anything to help? The answer to all questions is yes! The biggest thing we could do for Joely was be there for him. There really is no way to treat RSV, but he had the undergo breathing treatments, nose-suctioning and just being in a different environment. Anytime we got Joely to calm down and rest, we were interrupted by respiratory therapists or nurses. He was on an every three-hour treatment schedule. There were a few times when we got Joely down to sleep only to have him stir slightly, wake himself up and start screaming after realizing he wasn't in his nursery. There was even one time after a nose suctioning session when he sat up, looked angrily at the nurse and started pointing his hand. It was so sad, but too cute!

We woke up Christmas Eve day hoping to go home, but Joely still sounded wheezy. his oxygen saturation levels were 100%, but Dr. Ramirez worried that he'd go home and end up back in the hospital. We trust her completely, so we saddled up for another night on the twin hospital bed (yes...Murad and both slept on a twin bed). Through it all, we were thankful to have each other. We quickly learned to lean on each other for support, take turns comforting Joely, and picking our battles with the nursing/RT staff (don't get me started on them!). I don't think I realize how much of a partner I have in Murad. I think I sometimes feels as though as a mother I do most of the parenting, but being in the hospital really showed me that we do a good job of splitting our parenting duties. I think Joely looks to Murad for comfort just as much as he looks to me for comfort.

I also think I really understood the meaning of Christmas (or maybe Easter?). Joely is the most important person in our lives. His health supersedes any grandiose Christmas fantasy I envisioned. I now look back at our experience with RSV a little differently than I did when I learned our Christmas was ruined. Our Christmas wasn't ruined because I had all the family I needed and I got the best Christmas gift ever...taking my baby boy home! Woo-hoo!

In true Nana Babs fashion, my mom found someone to deliver Joely's Christmas gifts to him. My parents' neighbor has a son who lives in Plano. On his way back from visiting his mother, he and his wife are going to drop Joel's presents by. Fortunately, we had bought him some gifts, Christy and Abuela had bought him a gift and the staff at Presbyterian Plano hospital got him a few gifts. So, yes Joely is definitely spoiled....rotten!

While we got to leave the hospital, it was hard seeing the families that had to stay. Murad saw the hospital Santa walking around to different little kids and felt really sad for them. I, too, felt the same way. Here I was worried about a ruined first Christmas, when I should be thankful for my baby boy. Joely brings so much joy to our lives. I didn't think I could love someone as much as I love Joely. He truly is amazing. What would I do without him? I don't want to know. Right now, I want to thank God that I have him as my son!

I leave you with a few Christmas quotes:

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree. ~Roy L. Smith
There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries. ~W.J. Cameron
I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. ~Charles Dickens
I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month. ~Harlan Miller

Who's that boy?

2011-12-18T19:17:00.000-06:00

Wow! What a weekend! On Saturday, I slept in (thank you, Joely!) and then started cleaning up our pig-sty of a home. I didn't finish, but that's okay! Joel drank really well from his sippy cup. I gave it to him earlier in the week and he wasn't a fan, but on Saturday he was all about it!

Murad's friend Rashad was in town, so they hung out with Joely while I went to lunch with my friend Christina for a belated birthday date! Happy Birthday, Christina! For one month we'll be the same age. I came home and then Murad and his friend went out that night. We had planned to leave for Houston this morning to see a friend, but Murad woke up with a hangover (can you tell that he doesn't drink that often? he rarely goes out and he's a light-weight) and Joel woke up congested, so we canceled our overnight trip. Joel has been pretty fussy all day. He hasn't had a fever, but he's pretty warm. We're taking him to the doctor tomorrow to make sure all is good. Despite being a Mr. Crankypants, he decided to sit up (and stay up). Murad shot this video of him sitting and playing. He kind of started fussing here, so we put him to bed shortly after this. Even when he's angry, he's cute and talented. I hope this doesn't mean he's going to start crawling soon...we still need to get the house babyproofed! *Sigh* He's growing so fast. Maybe he'll be like his mama and skip crawling? Wishful thinking? Probably!

bummed...

2011-12-16T22:04:00.000-06:00

-our district decided to use a new scanning method (and method for assessing student learning for the 1st semester) for our semester exams. the system crashed yesterday. Most of us ended up grading our exams by hand.
-one of my students is hurting. our school community is grieving with her and her family.
-my best friend at work found a new job. beyond thrilled for her as it means she'll make twice as much as she does now. more security for her family. more opportunity for her to grow in a new career field. as her friend I couldn't be happier for her. As selfish Ashlea, I just want her to stay...just until June. I do not know how I will make it until June without her. I do not know how so many of our hurting students will make it without her. She breathes life into our school. She will be missed.

That is all...

FOOD

2011-12-13T21:41:00.002-06:00

As we enter month 7 of being parents to Joely, we are entering the fun world of foods. Things were much easier when all he consumed was milk/formula. Now, we have to read labels and make conscious decisions concerning his eating habits. We also realized that we need to make changes to our diet as well. While, we've been successful in losing the baby weight we gained (yes, Murad gained sympathy weight), we want to make sure we have good eating habits that benefit us as well as Joely. I already make most of Joel's babyfood from veggies and fruits from local growers (I do buy the little Earth's Best baby foods at WalMart from time to time to see what he likes), but in five months, he'll start eating real food!
Our goal is to do the following over the next five months:
-seriously lower the amount of high fructose corn syrup we digest (it's insane. it's tasty. it's in everything. we eat it everyday.). Yeah, the commercials say it's okay in moderation, but my husband thinks that it's impossible to consume in moderation if it's in EVERYTHING. So, he really wants us to be better consumers.
-cut processed foods and snacks--this is going to be hard. no more lean cuisines for me, damnit! sad face
-in five months, Joel will be able to drink milk. not just my milk. not just formula, but real big boy milk! we need to decide what milk he will drink, since he's not going to drink cow's milk. Murad and I drink almond milk, but I need to see if it's okay for a toddler? I really have no clue what I'm doing in this whole food thing. It's like I went from not caring about what I put into my mouth at all, to caring way too much. I went from cooking casseroles to experimenting, especially with veggies (I love it when my husband turns his nose up at a dish and then ends up loving it!)I also kinda feel like I've stepped back in time. think the 1800's. ugh. Anyways, we hope to make gradual changes over the next five months that will affect our little family for the rest of our lives.
Can you tell I secretly love all this? I complain, but I love it all.I love food. I love creating foods for my family and letting the house smell good from my cooking. I love being a mom and creating a nurturing environment for my little boy. His smile and giggles remind me that I'm living my dream come true.

Day in the Life Weekend 2

2011-12-12T21:58:00.001-06:00

7:30am - Joel let us sleep in again. Although, we stayed out pretty late, so it felt really early. I took the early shift with Joel since I'm more of a morning person. Luckily, we didn't do any drinking, so we weren't totally out of commission.
7:40am - nursed Joel and fed him some blueberry yogurt. I take my prenatal vitamin (disclaimer: I only take this because I'm still nursing. Someone who reads my blog asked me if I was trying to get pregnant again since I'm taking prenatal vitamins. I've got about a year and a half until we decide if we'll stay a family of three or add some more cuties to our family)
8:10am tummy time - I put some of Joel's toys in front of him to try to get him to crawl. He kept doing the swimming motion and would get up on his arms, but no crawling. He kept getting pissed though when he wouldn't make progress
9:00am - Joel played in his discovery center and then we read a book. Murad comes out for a bit
10:00am - Joel started getting fussy, so I put him in his crib and he went right to bed. I'm still "up," so I clean and rearrange furniture
11:00am - I crawl back in bed
1:00pm - Joel is up, so Murad goes to tend to him
2:00pm - I crawl out of bed, finish up laundry and make lunch
4:00pm - I do my grades for the community college
4:30pm - Murad feeds Joel and puts him in his crib to sleep
5:30pm - start another load of laundry
6:00pm - make turkey burgers - mine with red onion and avocado and Murad's with cheese. sweet potato fries for me and regular for Murad
7:00pm - fight with Murad (well not really a fight. he made a joke and me being extra sensitive due to my hormones being out of whack, get mad and storm out of the room. He comes in to apologize, although I don't think he really knows what he did wrong.
8:00pm wake up Joel and nurse him
8:30pm put Joel back in his crib (I don't usually do this, but I didn't want to risk him waking up at 4am or earlier because he was hungry, especially since he went to bed 2 hours earlier than he usually does)
9:00 shower
9:30pm get things ready for the morning
10:00am go to sleep

Okay, so that's it for Day in the Life for right now. I'll do another one in March when my bub is about 9-10 months.
update: we bought Joel's first sippy cup. Yep.

A Day in the Life Weekend 1

2011-12-11T20:37:00.001-06:00

7:30am Joel slept in--woo-hoo!
7:45am change Joel for some playtime
8:00am nurse Joel and he eats some yogurt
8:30am I blog while Joel plays on his tummy-time mat and we also watch Ice Age 2
9:30am Joel gets fussy, so I put him down for a nap and I nap too
11:00am we all 3 wake up from our naps, but kind of lounge around in the bed
11:30am - 1pm Joel and Daddy play while I clean the kitchen
1pm Joel goes down for another nap
2pm we wake Joel for a family trip to the local Farmer's Market to get fruits and veggies for the week.
3:00pm we stop at Jersey Mikes' for a late lunch and to catch some of the KU game
4:00pm we come home and hang out for a bit
5:00pm I feed Joely a little early
5:30pm we get his bag packed for a visit to Elaina's house
5:45pm I drive Joely to Elaina's house
6:00pm arrive at Elaina's. Elaina's 3 year old daughter loves Joel and he is amazed by her as well
6:30pm I head back home to get ready for a Christmas Party
8:30pm Murad and I are both dressed and ready for the Christmas Party
9:00pm arrive at the Christmas Party (it was a blast!) We ended up staying until 1am
1:00am drive to Elaina's to pick up Joely
1:30am pick up Joel and talk a bit with Christopher and Elaina
2:00am arrive home and put Joel to sleep
2:30am shower (because I didn't Friday night ---oops!)
3:00am fall asleep

A Day in the Life Weekday 3

2011-12-11T20:25:00.001-06:00

5:00am Finally a morning where I did not hear Joel on the monitor prior to my alarm
5:15am I hear him on the monitor
5:30am I let the dogs out, eat breakfast, fill the dog bowls and pack my lunch (don't worry I washed my hands a few times during the process)
5:45am I let the dogs back in and grab Joel
6:00am change Joel, nurse Joel and feed him some blueberry yogurt
6:30am playtime for Joel (I'm running a little late, so he's playing by himself while I get ready for work)
7:00am I dress Joel for daycare and pass him to his daddy
7:05am finish getting ready
7:10am snuggles and kisses to Joely and daddy
7:15am walking out the door to work
7:40 arrive at work
8:30am Writer's Workshop all day in my classes---their persuasive letters are due at the end of each period.
3:30pm 8th grade girls come in to do community service in my room (they rearranged my desks and filed stuff - yay for organizing girls!)
4:20pm walking out the door to pick up Joely
4:45pm I arrive at Abuela's to pick up my little man
4:50pm we arrive home
5:00pm playing with daddy
6:00pm nurse Joel and he eats carrots
6:30pm I take Joel to the nursery and fold clothes. I try to keep Joely up until 8pm (so we can sleep in tomorrow), but he kicks me out at 7:00pm
7:00pm at this time I fully intend to grade papers, but instead I pour myself a glass of wine and make some hot chocolate (don't ask what my logic was)
8:00pm I do some internet surfing, blogging and finally fall asleep around 10pm

Day in the Life - Weekday 2

2011-12-09T21:06:00.001-06:00

4:30am - Joel is up playing; I can hear it on the monitor
5:00am - My alarm goes off
5:10am - I let the dogs out
5:15am - I let the dogs back in, eat breakfast, take my prenatal vitamin
5:30am - I reluctantly take Joel out of his crib and skip changing his diaper. I go straight to nursing him. He eats some yogurt and then has some formula(hungry morning from all that singing)
6:00am Joel plays in his Discovery Center for a bit. Murad wakes up because he has to be in the office early
6:15am I read a Doctor Seuss book and Joel tries to take it out of my hand
6:30am tummy time for Joel while we get ready for work
7:00am get stuff ready for daycare and for me to leave (I'm running late)
7:15am walking out the door
7:40 arrive to work late, but relieved because my tutoring kids haven't arrived
7:45am -8:30am tutor
8:30-4:15 work
4:40 pick up Joely
4:50 come home and let the dogs out (daddy isn't home yet)
5:00pm tummy time
5:15pm Joel is fussy so I nurse him
5:35pm Joel eats squash, carrot and banana
6:00pm Daddy is home and ready to play
6:30pm Joely goes to sleep; I start a load of jeans
6:45pm I contemplate making dinner, but Murad says he's not too hungry and neither am I. I eat a banana and some chips, surf the internet, watch TV
7:50pm get laptop ready for webinar/conference call
8:00-8:50pm webinar/conference call for freelance writing job
9:00pm put jeans in the dryer; make a sandwich, get stuff ready for the next day
9:45pm get in the shower
10:15pm read a little and then get tired
10:30pm make Murad come tuck me in, but he decides to pop my pimple instead
10:50pm finally fight Murad off of me and go to sleep.

A Day in the Life -- Weekday 1

2011-12-08T19:05:00.001-06:00

I'm stealing this idea from my friend Lara. I wish I would've done a day in the life at all the different stages in my life that I have gone through since I started blogging in 2007 (relatively new teacher, fiance, new wife, stepmom, new mom, etc.). I'll try to post as much as I can remember from Wednesday:

4:15am I hear Joel on the monitor playing. I look at the clock and fall back asleep.
5:00am the alarm clock goes off and I hit snooze
5:10am the alarm clock goes off once again and I hear Joel playing once again. I get out of bed and let the dogs out. I hold off on picking up Joel (he usually doesn't get up until 6:00, but the past few days he's had a 4:15am wake-up) I take my prenatal vitamin, drink a Slim Fast and eat a banana (I hate breakfast). I fill the dog bowls and let them back in the house. I make my lunch, and get out Joel's milk for daycare.
5:35 I wake up Joel and change his diaper. He cries of course and I try to soothe him by kissing his belly and feet, but he's not amused. I nurse Joel and he eats a little bit of blueberry Yogurt
6:00am I play with Joel while he's in his discovery center and then watch him on his tummy-time mat
6:30am I decide I should get ready for work. I dress Joel and let him play with his tactile block and watch a little Spongebob. I get dressed for work
7:00am I pack everything together and kiss Murad and Joel good-bye
7:05am I lock up the dogs
7:10 am I sneak back in for more Joel kisses
7:15am I'm out the door finally
7:35am arrive at work--I'll give you the abbreviated version: looked over my lesson plans, taught some lessons, wrote some detentions, consoled crying students, met with a student as part of the Student Assistance Team and got to eat Chick-fil-A for lunch, called parents, emailed parents, emailed co-workers, pumped some milk, looked at my classroom and wondered why it's never clean, looked at my supplies and wondered why kids steal, laughed with students, got annoying emails from people, added more things to my work to-do list, died a little and then came home.
4:15pm - leave work
4:40pm arrive at Abuela's to pick up Joel. Talk to Abuela (Martha) about Joel and my baby bullet (she's thinking of getting one)
4:50pm - go to Wal-Mart to pick up tutoring snacks for students, dog food, and pasta
5:30pm - come home, unload groceries, play-time with daddy
6:00pm - nurse Joel, he eats a little bit of squash and a little bit of apple-blueberry-banana baby smoothie
6:30pm - Daddy and I bathe Joel
6:45pm - Joel is tired so we skip reading and put him in his crib where he falls right to sleep.
7:00pm - cook pasta dinner and French bread
7:30pm - eat dinner with my husband
8:00pm watch Law & Order SVU and alter the semester exam for my 7th grade students
9:00pm - clean the kitchen
9:30pm -11:00pm I'm not sure what I did during this time, but I know it involved watching more TV, surfing the Internet, and showering.
11:00pm I go to sleep!
Stay tuned for an exciting Thursday post tomorrow! (I'm kidding...my life is not that exciting)

It's funny

2011-12-05T19:09:00.001-06:00

How my brain works...Yeah, so a few weeks back I posted photos of the new sofa I just had to have and the color of the paint for the living room. So about that, I've changed my mind yet again. I guess I convinced myself that I really needed this sofa. Sure, I'll get some extra money with my freelance writing job, but why blow it on a sofa? I guess now that I have a child, I question every purchase I make. Having a child really does change you!

So, here's what I decided. Instead of painting the kitchen and the living room, I'm just going to paint this hideous faux-wood paneling white. I think it will brighten up the room. I'm going to cut the furniture budget in half. Instead of buying a new sofa, I think we'll get a nice, comfy chair and a half. It will provide the seating we need, but won't overpower the living room. I also realized that if I would've bought a new sofa, I would have had to buy a new coffee-table; the one we have wouldn't match. Not ready to do that yet, so I think keeping our color scheme, current furniture and adding one new piece, is the best solution.

That's the plan for now. I can't promise that I won't change my mind again, but I can say that any change I make will be one of equal or lesser value in cost. I sat and thought about all the things I could buy with the sofa money:
-pay off a hospital bill
-put two weeks worth of daycare into savings
-put more money into savings
-money for future repairs to the house
-spend money on my baby
-put more money into the Ashlea works part-time fund (I'm definitely working part-time if we have a 2nd baby, but I'd like to work part-time next fall or have a more flexible job...)

Yeah, so I'm thinking one of those things on the list is defintely worth more than a sofa.

Joely Six Months Check-up

2011-12-04T07:35:00.001-06:00

Murad took Joely to Dr. Ramirez on Friday for his six month appointment. Hard to believe we're halfway to one! *Sigh*

Joel met all of his developmental milestones except for hand-to-hand interaction. We're going to work on that some with him, but I truly think Joel is capable of doing it; he's just a lazy baby! No, seriously, he is pretty lazy. Joel is all about the shiny and new, so I spent about an hour yesterday putting together his Baby Einstein Discovery Center. He was so excited to play in it. He wanted to show me how hard he could hit the little penguins on the see-saw and I swear he was trying to talk to the lion. So cute! I'll take some pictures soon. My tablet is charging at the moment.

Dr. Ramirez gave the okay for him to start some table foods like mashed potatoes, grits, creamed corn, etc. This is good because Joel has shown a growing interest in what we eat. I'm still in the process of figuring out what types of baby food he likes. Today, I plan to pick up an avocado, some squash, and a potato to make some baby food using my wonderful Baby Bullet! I also have a recipe for a baby smoothie (it's actually a real smoothie, but it was in my baby food cookbook) that I'm going to make today.

My little guy is still little. At six months he weighs 14.6 pounds (5th percentile for weight) and he is 25 inches long (15th percentile for height). I forgot to look at the head on his sheet, and I'm too lazy to go check (maybe that's where he gets his laziness?)

Joel still squeals, screams and sings, but he recently discovered his inner grunts and deep baby voice. He uses this voice when he's playing with a toy. It's almost as if he is yelling at the toy. This is usually followed by him banging the toy for a bit.

At six months, Joel's personality is definitely coming out more. He loves to play games with daddy. In fact, he really loves daddy. When Murad comes into the room, Joel immediately stops what he is doing to give him a signature grin. He does the same with me, but I swear he lights up a little more for his daddy. Joel doesn't like it when Murad talks on the phone. In fact, he tries to over talk Murad until he gives him attention. I love how happy Joel is. Every morning when I walk into his room I'm greeted with a big grin (Joel usually wakes up and babbles to himself for a while before one of us has to go in there). Joel's grin is amazing because he scrunches up his entire face and squints his eyes. It really doesn't take much to make him smile. He just loves life! Either that or he must think his daddy and I are extremely hilarious--I'm sure we look ridiculous when we sing or talk to him, but I don't care!

I absolutely love Joely's belly. I don't know how that fits into the six month's post. I love how soft it is and how he giggles when I kiss it!

Even though we are actually closer to seven months (week-wise), Happy Belated Six Months to my little prince! So thankful for another good check-up!

Thanksgiving Highlights

2011-12-04T07:28:00.001-06:00

Enjoy some photos from our trip to Pennsylvania and New Jersey!

We survived!

2011-12-01T21:23:00.001-06:00

Let me just preface this by saying that I have the best baby ever! Okay, so as you know I was really, really worried about flying with Joely. Despite meeting the love of my life in an airport, I don't like airports. I love traveling, but airports seriously stress me out. The air in airports is not fresh. I just feel like germs are crawling all over me.I only find myself at ease when I take an early morning flight with few people, which is what we did.

Joel did really well on our flight out of TX. I nursed him before take-off. That was a little awkward because Joel really couldn't get comfortable and kept kicking my cover around. Murad kept trying to cover me up, but I'm sure our neighbor got a few sneak peaks (not that he wanted to see anything that I have to offer). I kept telling myself that I would never see these people again and that made me feel better.

So, after he nursed, he immediately fell asleep for take-off. He then woke up and wanted to explore everything around us. He kept looking at the people behind us. It was too, too cute. Then he got really, really fussy. He started screaming. Luckily, mama's magic milk did the trick and he fell asleep until right before landing.

On the way from Philadelphia to Texas, he did about the same. He didn't scream or cry though, but he did get fussy a few times. He mostly wanted to explore and he developed a fascination with our food and drinks. He kept trying to grab our drinks and snacks as we munched on them. So cute!

I think the hardest part about our trip was having to room with Joel again. For the first two months of Joel's life he slept in our bed with us. Then he spent the next two months in a pack-n-play next to our bed. For the last two months, he's slept in his crib in his room. These last two months have been Heaven. We actually get a full night's sleep, we can stay up late and watch movies, we don't have to whisper, etc. Murad's dad was gracious enough to buy a pack-n-play for his house, but we weren't quite ready to room with Joel again. We had to be extra quiet when he slept. Joel also did not want to sleep at all while we were at Grandpa Joel and Gigi's house. He took very few naps, and didn't sleep his normal 12 hours at night. In fact, I think he slept 6 hours at night with an occasional 1 hour nap. There was one day where he took a 3 hour nap, but that was it. He was so excited that all he wanted to do was play, explore or cry. I would say that was the hardest part about traveling with Joel.

I will post more about Thanksgiving (with pictures), but I just wanted to share with you all my experience with traveling with my bub! I was so nervous before (so nervous that I did not sleep or eat before the flight because my stomach was so upset). I feel more confident about traveling with him. In fact, I may travel alone with him in May. Murad will be in Philadelphia for a friend's wedding and we plan to meet him that weekend as well. I know, right? Who would've thought me traveling alone with a baby? Now, if I can just convince myself to leave Joel for a weekend for a girls' trip...I will be ready in March, right? eh.

I also want to brag because now Joel has visited six states in addition to Texas. That's six states in six months. My parents didn't travel with us much, so I was not as well traveled as he is. In fact, I was 14 when I took my first flight and I think I have been to about the same number of states as he has. Murad and I definitely want to make travel part of his life, so I think it is great that he is starting out early. Okay, so Joel visited: Oklahoma, Kansas, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware and Maryland. I wonder where he'll go next?

Okay, so I have procrastinated cleaning and unpacking long enough. I think it's harder to come back from a vacation than it is to prepare for a vacation.

Freelance Writing--a success!

2011-11-20T20:30:00.001-06:00

As many of you know, I have delved into the world of freelance writing. This journey started out by chance. I thought about freelance writing for a while. Over the summer, I started doing quite a bit of writing on various topics. I guess Joely got my creative juices flowing. I started searching for freelance jobs and had no luck. I just happened to search on Craigslist one day and found a start up company looking for freelance writers. The company provides webinars and coaching for women. The articles I write vary from parenting to finances and everything in between.

I really like the company's mission, and since they hired a bunch of writers, we are kind of in competition with each other to get our articles chosen. I took the job with the intention of building my portfolio and learning a thing or two. I did not expect my first article to be chosen for the company website. Like I said, this is a start up company, so the website isn't up yet and we only get paid if our articles are chosen for webinars. So, I wasn't planning on making any money for a while. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that my article was chosen! My article.

I guess the best part about my article being chosen is that it has given me the confidence to pursue freelance writing. With my growing dissatisfaction with working in public education and desire to have a more flexible schedule, I'm really trying to put things in place so that one day I can work part-time and hopefully write part-time (and make money off of the writing; that is important!). That would be ideal because I want to be a working mommy, but I want the flexibility of a stay-at-home mom (like not having to use my days to take Joel to the doctor or to volunteer in his classroom when he's older). If that doesn't work out, I'm totally content with this small opportunity.

I hope this summer to expand my writing portfolio a little more. Right now, I'm focusing on non-fiction (obviously), but I would like to compose some short stories. I have lots of ideas in my little head. I have thought of writing children's stories too, but I think I may not be good at that. Murad has been helping me write my articles by giving me feedback and helping me with the structure of my writing. He has been asked to do some motivational speaking and thinks that if he had a biography, it would help. Guess who he wants to write it?

So right now I am very thankful for this opportunity. If you would like to read some of my work, please visit my other blog: Ashlea Campbell Writing.
Happy Reading!

Because the Jayhawks stink

2011-11-15T22:53:00.001-06:00

and I'm already up late watching the game. Ugh. I love the start of basketball season! Everything good in life revolves around college basketball, especially my Jayhawks! Tonight though....we're not looking good against Kentucky. Since I'm up and can't take my eyes off the game even though I want to, I'll post about my 30th birthday! Yes. In two months I will be 30 years old!
I've been stressing about what to do for my birthday! I've already sown my wild oats (not in the slutty way, but the drinking way...in fact, I really didn't date much before I got married, but now is not the time to go on a kissing binge), but I know my friends and family really want me to have a big birthday bash. Originally, I planned to go to Lawrence and KC for an old fashioned college pub crawl, but let's face it, I'd need 50 naps just to survive. Plus, I'm just not ready to leave Joely yet. I'm so used to hearing him on the monitor at night, waking up to his cooing in the morning and seeing his smiling face once he realizes I'm there. Not to mention I'd have to majorly pump and dump all that alcohol out of my boobs. That's like throwing away gold! I just can't do that!
Anyways, I'm planning a girls' trip in March and if we can afford it, a 3rd honeymoon next summer. I think by March I should be ready, right? Eh. Another reason I cannot go to Kansas for my birthday is because I've had to use so many sick days and we have a trip planned for Memorial weekend and I'll need to take a couple of days then. Yes. This is what happens when you have a child!
Okay, so for my birthday, I know my best friend is flying in to town. I think we'll rent out a room at Family Karaoke Place and order lots of good sushi and large amounts of alcohol.
What I'm most excited for though is my birthday present! We are finally going to update our kitchen and family room. I know! We're old, right? Lame, right? I don't care. I'm super excited. Murad and I picked out a new sofa that we both love! I think it will be durable and last while raising a growing boy. Right now the sofa is about $200 out of our price range. Hoping it goes down in 2012! We finally agreed on a paint color for the ugly wood paneling in our family room. So, yes. no changes. This is it! We are getting an update! The family room will stay white/cream except for the wood paneling accent wall which we will paint "teal lake." We will then carry that color into our kitchen as well. I think it will look nice against our dark cabinets as well as the white woodwork and white kitchen table. It will really help tie the family room and kitchen together, especially since it is a semi-open lay-out. Plus, it matches the plates I already have! So yeah! I'm so excited about this relatively inexpensive update. I realize now that the next update will be pretty expensive: master bedroom/bath remodel...not for a few years though!

Things I love

2011-11-09T22:19:00.001-06:00

besides Joely. I need to take some time to write a non-mommy blog post. I also need to reflect on all the good things in my life besides my job. How do I do that without mentioning Joely? I will mention him first and then go into the others.Joely is so great! You know why? He has two cute little teeth! Yep! Two teeth! I didn't even feel them. Abuela pointed them out to me yesterday and we both started jumping up and down in excitement. I immediately called Murad. He was at the gym, but he called back immediately. He was sooo excited! Who would've thought we would be excited by two little teeth.We are also very excited about Joel eating. He loves his rice cereal, apple pumpkin, green beans, and sweet potatoes. He loves eating baby food so much that he grabs the spoon from our hands and feeds himself. He's just a growing, growing boy. We love him so much!Okay, so on to non-mommy stuff that I love!*I love the new Philadelphia Eagles blanket Murad bought. It's warm and fuzzy. Perfect for cuddling up and writing articles, grading papers or blogging*I love leftover Halloween candy*I love reaching my goal weight and getting closer to wedding day weight*I love teaching at the community college and moments when I really get to know my students*I love the community college service learning project I have planned for next semester *I love my new freelance writing gig*I love all the new cozy, comfort food recipes I've discovered or created*I love that Murad loves the food and keeps encouraging me to try new ones*I love when Murad holds me at night*I love that October is over*I love that November is here!*I love that we get to jet to NJ this month for almost a week!*I love that my dad will get to celebrate his 65th birthday with his grandson*I love our house and all the things that make it unique and ours*I love that my straight hair is almost gone and my curly hair is in! I'm almost completely natural and I didn't have to do a big chop!I think so many times I focus on all the negative things in my life. I think so many times I focus so much on my little boy that I forget about myself. This is a blog just for me (and a small tribute to Joely).

yep

2011-10-22T14:11:00.000-05:00

that just happened...

so much respect...

2011-10-21T21:50:00.001-05:00

As the weather changes, I'm reminded of just how fast time flies. My baby boy will be five months tomorrow! I've learned so much about myself, my husband, our marriage and of course, our little boy. I think I now have the utmost respect for anyone who dons the title of "mommy!" It's a tiring job, but it comes with the greatest rewards and perks. When I was pregnant I didn't want to hear advice from anyone. In fact, I told people that I didn't want any advice. However, after I hit week 25, I was more open to listening. That is when I started asking any and every mom for advice.One of the cool things I learned as that while we all approach mothering differently we all strive to be the best mom we can be. This really hit home as I read my friend Lara's blog. I realize that we all have certain values that we want to impart to our children, and while they may be different, why not help each other out along the way? I asked myself, do I judge other moms? Do I come across as knowing everything about mothering (because I certainly do not!). I think this is especially poignant as many of my friends are starting to have children and are addressing the formula vs. breastfeeding challenge. Breastfeeding was/is the hardest thing about mothering Joel. I'll admit, I'm pretty lucky. Joel is a relatively easy baby. He laughs, explores, eats, and sleeps. He rarely cries even now when he is teething. My struggles with breastfeeding are pretty minute compared to others' breastfeeding struggles. While I was pregnant, I made sure to talk to both breastfeeding and formula-feeding mothers. This was the best thing I could do. I think it helped prepare me for the challenges ahead and when I faced the possibility of having to exclusively formula feed Joel, I felt a little more comfortable if that were to happen. I visit so many new mom blogs,chat rooms, message boards and I'm part of a few in-real-life new mom groups. I hate, hate, hate the breast-feeding bullying that goes on. We're supposed to support and uplift each other, not tear each other down. Sometimes I feel a little guilty because Joel gets 6oz of formula a day. I then slap myself for feeding in to the bullying. While some of the challenges of breastfeeding have dissipated, they are now replaced with other challenges: pumping. I pump as much as I can at work, but my milk supply sometimes is low. I deal with a lot of stress at my job, so that affects my ability to pump well. Now that Joel is sleeping through the night, I pump at home quite a bit because I'm more relaxed. Pumping takes up a good 40 minutes of my work day which makes it difficult to complete administrative tasks. I find myself asking, "is it worth it to pump?" Then I remind myself that for our family it is. I refuse to let the employment devils win! But I digress...I remember when I first got pregnant I told myself that I would never co-sleep. Who would do that? The child will probably breastfeed for years? I bet that couple never has sex...yeah. I was so wrong. While I was scared for Joel's safety (I don't care what anyone tells you, when you are surviving on sleep fumes as I like to call them, you're not aware of the baby in your bed), the benefits I saw while we tried co-sleeping outweighed the safety risks. Joel's breathing was regulated, he was able to bond with not only me, but his father as he would snuggle to him too, we could place him back on his back if he rolled to his side, etc. We quickly transitioned to the pack n' play in our room. He now sleeps for 10-12 hours at night in his crib in his own room. So yeah, I judged myself before I knew what I would become. A breast-feeding/pumping/sometimes formula-ing, former co-sleeping mama. I am the happiest I've been in so long, but I'm still on the journey and enjoying it. I'll leave you with a picture of Joely and me. Don't we look cute? We kind of have the sporty look going on with my Nike shirt and his windpants. Yeah. Even though I don't have a daughter, I try to match our outfits...at least in themes. I'm definitely not going to take the twinning further than that. I absolutely love Joel in fall clothes. I take that back, I love him in all clothes. He's so adorable (I'm seriously considering getting him into modeling. I am researching agencies right now) Life is pretty easy when you have a cute son!

Strange Boy....

2011-10-10T19:20:00.000-05:00

Okay, so Joel and I have been home together since last Wednesday. On Wednesday afternoon Christy called me to tell me that Joel had lots of boogies, was fussy and just not his usual self. I left work to pick him up and Mr. Soup got on the phone to his pediatrician. The next morning, I planned to go to work and Murad was going to work from home and take Joel to the doctor, but guess what....I was sick too! Joel went to the doctor and she confirmed that he has a double ear infection and Bronchiolitis (think another form of Bronchitis). I am pretty sure I have the flu, but I haven't been to the doctor. So, Joely and I have been home the past few days. I missed going to a surprise party for my friend, but there will be other parties. While I hate being sick and hate seeing him sick, it has been wonderful spending uninterrupted QT together. I love cuddling and playing with him. He's still all about playing even when sick. It's also given me the opportunity to see all of his strange habits. They're quite funny, scary, and unique!Nipple ConfusionAll through my pregnancy, everyone kept saying don't introduce a bottle to him for a long time because of nipple confusion. Of course, my son is the one who ended up with jaundice and had to take formula from a bottle for a week. Did it mess him up? No. Now he hates taking bottles. Well, he'll take bottles from Murad, Christy, Abuela, grandparents, anyone but me! Even though the bottle may be filled with breast milk or a breast milk/formula combo, he gets this weird look on his face. "Don't come with this weak shit, mom! I want it from the spout." Yeah, so I have the opposite problem of nipple confusion. I wonder what will happen in May when I have to wean him off...No PacifierJoely used a pacifier when he was a newborn, but once he hit about three months he refused to take one. At first we thought maybe he wouldn't take it at home, but Abuela and Christy both noted that he refuses to take one at daycare. Not complaining because I hear weaning a kid off of a pacifier is a bitch. There are some days when I wish he would take one though!Cheap ToysSo, last week Joely and I went to Babies R Us to pick out some developmentally appropriate toys. Yeah, so does he play with them? Not so much. His favorite toy is this block thing that my friend gave us. He'll play with it for about 30 minutes...which is like hours in Joel timeS&M much?Murad and I discovered that the only way to get Joel to go to sleep is to put a blanket over his head. That sounds horrible, right? What kind of parents would do that? Desperate parents like us. Joel likes for us to throw the blanket over his head and then he pulls it down to his chest. He falls asleep with the blanket in his hand. Joel also likes to turn and sleep on his side. So, we have to stand there and wait for him to fall asleep so that we can remove the blanket and place him back on his back. It's pretty intense, but that's our guy! Fortunately, we do have the Angel Care monitor which alerts us if he stops breathing, but that's not a sure thing. I know it's supposed to be hospital quality, but the ones in the hospital are like $2000 not $200. That's my weird little Joel wrapped up in a nutshell. He's such an individual and I love it. Some days I marvel at how much my life has changed in the last five months. Nothing gets me through the day like picturing his smile and nothing motivates me more than his happiness. I find myself longing for the sleepless nights when he was a newborn. I find myself trying to relive the best day of my life: his birth. I find myself getting jealous of the fact that he is comfortable with people other than me. I try to keep it in perspective though. The grass is always greener, right? I have a healthy baby boy who is growing, thriving, and exploring! He's picked up a few strange habits along the way, but they're what makes him our son!

19 weeks

2011-10-02T14:54:00.003-05:00

Well today Joel is 19 weeks. That is almost five months week-wise. Yesterday he and I ventured to Babies R Us to pick up some toys for him. Of course there are no toys that are labeled "five months," so my choices were three months and six months. We went with six months because he's pretty active, and the challenge associated with toys for that age may be good for him. Plus, most of the six month toys were good for up to 36 months of age. So, we got this toy with balls that fly everywhere. The baby on the box looked really happy. Fisher-Price does a good job of labeling their toys with information concerning the developmental tasks the babies will reach when playing with the toy. With this particular one, he'll increase his gross motor skills, learn cause and effect, and one other skill. The teacher in me is really excited to watch how this toy works to teach these skills and then what we can do to mimic that for a cheaper cost (these toys are expensive...thank goodness we have a ton of gift cards still)
Joely reaches and grabs things, but up until today I didn't see him do it often. Sometimes when I rattle things in front of him, he doesn't really try to grab them. Of course, all babies are different so I wasn't really concerned. Today, Joel and I woke up and we played with one of his block toys. It is a large block that has different things on it that he can move around. He really focused on the items on the block and loved grabbing them and moving them. He got so excited that he knocked it off the table. Mr. Soup was really happy about that. Don't ask why! I guess he likes that his son likes destruction.
After we played we read Trick or Treat with Elmo. The book is pretty busy, but Joely had fun pushing the buttons. He then had some tummy-time and after his time was up, I put on Spongebob and he stayed on his tummy with his head up to watch. So cute! He also grabbed the little music-maker on his tummmy time mat and pulled it to his face.
We tried having Joel sleep in his nursery this week. He slept in there two nights this week (woo-hoo!). We're really trying to be organic about the whole thing, so if we put him in there and he cries for twenty minutes then we take him out and bring him into our room and put him in his pack n' play. I think Mr. Soup and I aren't quite ready to have him sleep in his own room, but we realize that we don't want him sleeping in our room still this time next year.
So, work for Mr. Soup is going really well, but work me is blah still. I'm trying not to get too down about it. I just need to not take my job too seriously. My main concern, as always, is my students. I have to remember to always put their interest first and not worry about all the other stuff that complicates things. I think I'm probably too sensitive in some ways and I want to do the best job all around and not make mistakes. I think I'm probably way too critical on myself as well. I know I feel as though I'm not doing my best as a teacher, but when I look around I see a bunch of people doing even less than me. Not that I compare myself to anyone else...well...yeah..I do..which is why I've been feeling down in the dumps. While another career choice might be ideal for me, I just can't imagine doing anything else. I really do love teaching and I really love teaching middle school students. I just know that the environment in which I'm in is not allowing me to be the teacher I want to be. I hate the current educational climate--high stakes testing, but it's the same everywhere. What can I do? Luckily, I do have an opportunity to be the teacher I want to be every week when I teach at the community college.
So, to add even more drama to my life, my stepdaughter's mother is acting really strange. She successfully turned my stepdaughter against not only us, but also Abby's maternal grandparents; however, now her mother is trying to push Abby onto us more. I can tell my stepdaughter doesn't want to talk to us and we've kind of respected that. When she wants to call we let her talk, but we don't force her to call us. Now her mom calls us and has my stepdaughter call us and kind of coaches her in the background. The other day she called Mr. Soup and told him that she not only wanted Abby to spend Christmas with us, but she also wanted Abby's little sister too. Yeah. Obviously, we felt conflicted. I know that's probably hard on Abby's sister to see her go spend time with her dad and now that Abby has a little brother, her sister is jealous. Our time is valuable though too and we don't want Abby to have to share us with her sister. So, we kind of put our foot down and said no about the little sister and that Abby could spend Christmas with us only if she wanted to. I just wish I could figure out what her mom is up to and how we should act in the best interest of Abby. On top of that, Abby hates school and is being bullied by kids because of her weight and hygiene. I'm trying to see what anti-bullying program they have at her school, but I fear that they may not have one at all. School is Abby's one outlet from her home-life. She excels and always performs above her classmates. An avid reader, she retains and applies so much of what she reads. I'm afraid she'll grow to hate school and drop-out once she reaches high school.
Yeah, so I hate to end this post on a sad note. I have a knack for that right. You can always scroll back up and re-read the section on my little Joely. He's pretty amazing, right?

Four Months

2011-09-23T13:34:00.007-05:00

Well yesterday Mr. Joel turned four months. Can you believe it? I can't! Time is flying. I find myself feeling a mixture of excitement and longing for days of old. I miss when he was my little five pounder. I miss when his poop was black and didn't have an odor. I miss his newborn breath. I miss everything from when he was little, but I LOVE how much fun he is right now. Laughing, giggling, squealing, yelling and smiling are all part of his regular daily activity. He can sit up in his little blue chair and he's able to push himself up with his arms on his tummy-time mat.
Today we went to Dr. Ramirez. He is 13 lbs (25%) and 23 inches (5%) and his head circumference is in the 25th percentile. He's ready to start baby food, but I think we're going to hold off until he's six months. Neither Murad or I are ready for him to start it. Some of the things Joel likes to do include:
watching Spongebob
grabbing things and pulling them near his chest
playing peekabo
mimicking daddy's sounds
some of the things Joel hates include:
drinking from a bottle
sleeping in his crib
yeah...we're still working on those. it's not that he hates drinking from a bottle, but if I'm there he prefers drinking straight from the spout. We're working in twenty minute crib intervals. He still prefers the pack n' play. Our goal was to start the transition to his crib at six months, but we figured we'd try it early. I guess he's not quite ready to sleep in his own room quite yet.
Well, Mr. Soup has started studying for his licensure exam again. I think he's ready to tackle it again and do well. WHEN he gets his social work license, we'll be able to afford for me to work part-time. This brings a bit of relief, but also some difficulty. I have really not been liking my job this school year. It has a lot to do with administrative and curricular stuff. It has absolutely nothing to do with the students. Actually, being with the kids is the highlight of my day. I thought this year would be better, but it's not which is a shame, because I had such high hopes. So who knows what will happen with that next year. I'm still teaching one class per semester at the community college and I can always increase my course load. In addition, I scored my first freelance writing gig! I'm so excited to start and I'm hoping this will be the start of something great!
If I do end up teaching or writing part-time there is no way we could afford to send Joel to daycare full-time. His daycare is full-time only (well you can send your kid part-time, but you still have to pay the full tuition). There is no other daycare I would ever consider taking my child, so finding another daycare is out of the question. We really love his daycare and he does too. I think part of the reason he's developing so well because of his time at daycare. It's just a wonderful place for him; it's a true community. They really love him. I never believed that daycare could be good for child (mine sucked as a kid), but now I am a firm believer. Plus, Joel really thrives on the full-time routine. If he only went part-time, he'd lose that routine.
So, yeah. As of right now I plan to continue working full-time, but I just don't know what next fall will look like. I just know that I'm really unhappy professionally (with the exception of my side jobs) and I want to fix it; I just don't know how. I'm so stressed out when I'm there.
On a brighter note: I'm losing weight rapidly! I'm 3 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight and 8 lbs from my goal weight. Because I feel better about how I look, I've started taking pics with Joely. I realized that most of the pictures we have are of Joel and everyone else and very few of me. So my goal is to take more pics of my little man with me. I think we look good together. don't you???

Soup Kitchen...err... Soup Inn!

2011-09-06T22:25:00.004-05:00

Well, things are finally starting to settle down around here and then things are going to get crazy again. Fall is always crazy for us, but it is even crazier with a baby. Now that Joely is here everyone wants to see him. who wouldn't want to see him? he is the CUTEST boy I know!
Mr. Soup and I are just amazed at how much Joely changes each day. Some days he looks exactly like me and on other days, he's a miniature version of his father. He loves to laugh and he's starting to watch television. As a teacher I cringe and I only let him watch it for about 20 minutes in the morning while I'm getting ready for work. I also pull out a few books to balance it out (don't question my logic!) I know it means he's learning to focus. He gets pretty excited when he hears the music for Plaza Sesamo (Sesame Street) though. It's pretty darn cute. He's still talking up a storm and he's quite the chubster. We're in size 2 diapers and 6 months clothes.
He really loves going to daycare. It's so hard for me to leave him in the morning. I just love watching him giggle and cuddle with daddy. Today, Mr. Soup texted me after he dropped Joely off at Abuela's. He was really upset because Joely didn't look back at him like he usually does when he drops him off. He's becoming so independent so soon!
I will say that Joely really thrives with the routine. Mr. Soup says that at 7:30am, Joely starts getting fussy and cranky because he knows they should be leaving for Abuela's. When he gets there and sees Abuela, Miss Christy and the other kiddos he's all smiles! When I pick him up it's a different story. He usually has just woken up or eaten, so he has that drunken/out-of-it look. When we get home though, he's all smiles and ready to play with Mommy!
This 3-day weekend was wonderful. We had tons of much needed family time. I couldn't have asked for a better weekend! The weather was perfect for playing outside and grilling out!
Speaking of weekends, Mr. Soup and I have a ton of things planned for this fall. Of course, we'll watch tons of Eagles games and KU games. We won't be able to hit the bar as much unless we find a sitter and a new bar (the Eagles bar burned down over 4th of July). Oktoberfest will be here. Last Oktoberfest I was pregnant with Joely (I didn't know it which was why I was at Oktoberfest in the first place).The Texas State Fair will start in late September and end towards the end of October! We love walking around the fair and visiting the booths. Joely loves to people-watch, so this will be perfect for him too. We also plan to take a weekend trip to Houston to visit two sets of friends. Joel's Kansas grandparents have already called requesting a weekend visit in Oklahoma City (it's the halfway point between Dallas and Wichita, KS--my hometown). We have friends coming from Pennsylvania in September and October. We have friends coming for Kansas City in December. We'll travel to Pennsylvania/NJ (if we can find cheap airfare) for Thanksgiving. I'm still really nervous about flying with a 6 month old. I know I shouldn't be, but I just fear he'll scream his head off when his ears pop. I wish he was still my little sleeping baby, but Joel will fight sleep, especially when he's in a new environment. I also really worry about him getting sick from the germs on the plane. maybe I'm too worried about this. I need to focus on the positive. Joely will get to spend time with his New Jersey grandparents and extended family. Yeah, so that's our fall in a nutshell. Pretty much booked every weekend until Christmas!
Well that is it for the Soup Family!

Finding a Balance

2011-08-24T20:48:00.003-05:00

Let me start this by saying that being a mom is wonderful! This is by far the best "role" I've had in my life. I wake up everyday and marvel at my little prince. His smile lights up the room and can melt both his father and me. He truly is the best thing to happen to either one of us. I don't think we fully realized how rewarding parenthood is until he came into our lives. I think we are now more thankful for our parents and all they sacrificed for us.
I am struggling to find a balance though. Everything with parenting has it's ups and downs. I never experienced a love like this before. I have never been so happy until now. I never have wanted to give all of my being to one person before. Everything in my body is saying give, give, give to this little guy, but I also know I need to make time for myself. It was easy in the summer because Mr. Soup would come home for lunch or encourage me to go out for a few hours in the evening. Now, when I come home I just want to soak up Joely time. I know I need to go to the gym or make time for dinner/drinks with friends, but I just want to sit and listen to Joely talk (he is quite the chatty Cathy). I want to watch as he plays with Mr. Soup. I want to see him explore all the things in his room. This week has been nice because I've been home with him every night this week. Last week was so hectic that I just wanted an easy week. I haven't made it to the gym this week and who knows if I will until the weekend.
In addition to that, I do feel a little guilty going to work each day because I actually like it. This summer my wardrobe consisted of tank tops and maternity jeans (don't worry I retired them and bought normal jeans). I would get excited when I put something else on. Now, I get to dress up and go to work. I get to talk to adults on a regular basis. I really do like being at work. I love wearing fancy clothes, doing my hair and make-up, and even wearing heels. Today I even went grocery shopping with Joely in my fancy clothes and heels (and they say it can't be done! I'll show them) Even being around the students is enjoyable (this too shall pass). I am really, really looking forward to this school year. I didn't think I would. I guess part of me feels guilty. For so long, I dreaded daycare and going back to work. I cried for weeks before. I guess I didn't expect it to be this easy to let him go to daycare each day. Part of me feels as though we just made a really good decision in choosing Abuela's and the other part of me feels like I'm a bad mom. I go from wanting to spend all of my late afternoon/evening time with Joel to feeling so much relief and freedom when I'm at work. I guess I'm trying to find that balance. I'm trying to figure out my "role." Maybe even trying to find myself a little? I guess with being a mom, my role is always changing.
Can I also just vent about how much I detest pumping at work! I actually detest pumping in general. I know I've said it before, but I really just prefer to nurse Joely myself. I love the bonding. There is nothing gratifying about pumping. I don't get to hold my precious prince while I pump. It's just me and the pump locked in a kitchenette off of the school library. I feel like I have to concentrate hard to pump whereas breastfeeding comes more natural. I'm really hoping my feelings will change. I hope I'm just experiencing the back-to-work hump. Joely does get some formula every now and then, but he really doesn't like it. He'll be six months in November. If I still hate pumping, I'm going to start supplementing with formula more and lessen the breast milk. Hate to do that and I really hope I don't have to do that. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

We Survived!

2011-08-19T23:11:00.007-05:00

We survived our first week of daycare! Well, I should say, mama survived! I thought I was going to lose it Monday. I cried all night Sunday in addition to crying every day of the week last week. I just was not ready to let him go. I got him all ready to go so that Mr. Soup could take him over there. I didn't cry as I dressed him and put him in the car seat. Mr. Soup kept telling me how good I was doing and hugging me. As they pulled away, I went back into the house and started sobbing. Mr. Soup called me ten minutes later saying that Joely did well when he dropped him off. He was all smiles for Abuela and Miss Christy and they oohed and awed over his dimples!
I didn't actually have to work on Monday, so Mr. Soup and I headed over at lunch to check on him (Mr. Soup's idea...he knows me so well!). He was sleeping in the swing (something we can never get him to do here)He just looked so peaceful. That afternoon, I got his stroller together and walked down the street to pick him up. I was so eager to get him in my arms and kiss all over those perfect cheeks.
We kept the same routine of Mr. Soup taking him to daycare and me picking him up. I really like this routine because I have something to look forward to at the end of the day. During the day, I'm so busy that I can barely breathe; however, Joel is never far from my thoughts. I'm constantly checking my phone and I start each morning with a text to Mr. Soup to see how drop-off went. I just can't wait to pick him up each day. He is always happy when I pick him up. Yesterday, he was sitting on Abuela's lap "talking" to the other children. Today he was in the crib entertaining himself by looking at the Mozart mobile. Mr. Soup reports that he is always happy at drop-off, except today he was a little cranky, but that's only because he woke up at 5:00am to nurse and then fell back asleep.
This week was a little difficult because I had something at night 3 days this week. Fortunately, last night I was able to take Joel with me, but I had to have my friend sort of watch him while I met parents. Each day this week I wanted to come home and cuddle, but I was forced to work! Bleh!
I will admit, that I do like going to work. I felt a little guilty at first about this. I really enjoyed being around my co-workers again and I'm actually excited about the upcoming school year. I think I needed to feel good about work again in order to fully accept that Joel would be in daycare full-time. I want to be able to come home to him and give him all of me. I know that's not possible everyday, but I feel like there are things in place this year that will help me enjoy my job more instead of dreading it. I really do love teaching and it's the perfect career for a mom (minus the grading!!!!!!) Also, pumping at work wasn't as bad as I envisioned; however, I still prefer breastfeeding. I am one of those weirdos who likes breastfeeding my baby. At least I can do that when I'm home.
Another reason I feel so good about daycare was that this week I attended Mom's Night Out. Abuela and Miss Christy provided appetizers, cocktails and prizes for all the moms of the kiddos. It was a good chance for me to meet some of the moms. They are all fabulous ladies and I cannot wait for more chances to drink....err...hang out! Surprisingly, I was one of the "older" moms (only by a year or two). This was odd to me because I'm not yet 30 (only six more months) and usually when I was with Abby I was always the youngest "mom." Oh well! One thing I really loved was how much these ladies loved Abuela and Christy! You could really tell that they view them as family and vice versa. It really solidified that we made the right choice in a daycare provider. I know there will be ups and downs, but I am really feeling good about Joel going there. He seems to enjoy it so much and he's such a social baby. He really does well being around not only other babies and kids, but other adults. Part of me didn't want to share Joel with the world, but I now realize I need to share the world with Joel.
I'm quickly learning there is not a manual for motherhood! Learning as I go and loving it! My goal for next week is to figure out an exercise schedule...beer me strength!

Don't Make me...

2011-08-12T17:52:00.002-05:00

Someone asked if Joel was six months? Yes. I know he's amazingly advanced, but don't make my baby grow up faster than he is! Ugh! Today was one of those days where I woke up in a funk. I cried because it was my last week day with Joel. Mr. Soup consoled me and told me that it was perfectly normal to feel the way I do. The rational part of me hates that I break down like that. I know Joel will be perfectly safe and will thrive at daycare. I know that being a working mom is best for Joel and me. I know that Joel will not think I abandoned him. I know these things, but oh how my heart aches when I think about leaving him. The separation anxiety is getting to me. The idea of pumping at work is getting to me. The idea of being with 140 hormonal tweens is getting to me.
This too shall pass...right?
On a high note, I lost two more pounds this week! I'm 12 pounds from my weight loss goal. I celebrated by purchasing some new jeans (which ended up being two pairs of jeans, two tops, and a dress all for $60! Thank you, Old Navy!) and a drink from Sonic. This is only the 2nd time I've been shopping for myself, but this was the first time that I did not pick up something for Joel! Usually, I pick up a little outfit or two for him as well. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that Nana and Granddad have purchased most of his wardrobe for the first year of his life! Gotta love Carter's! They're the best baby clothes. Nana and Granddad have done a lot for us this past month. From hosting his baby shower to babysitting and just offering their love and support, we wouldn't be here without them! It really does take a village!

My Little Man

2011-08-11T14:06:00.003-05:00

I do mean that. My baby is trying to grow up so fast. It's cute really, but I'm so not ready for it. The other day I caught him imitating his daddy eating food. Then yesterday I took a sip from my drink and Joel formed his lips like he was sucking a straw too. A couple of weeks ago, Mr. Soup had his leg up on a windowsill and Joel tried to wiggle his leg up in the air too. My friend came over yesterday and remarked that he is active like a big baby. She said, "why is he trying to act like a big kid?" The tummy time mat has become his mat for his attempts at crawling. I put him on it yesterday, went to the kitchen to grab a drink and when I came back he was almost on the floor. He sleeps in his pack n' play through the night, so there are no more late night/early morning feedings and snuggles. He slept in a crib at Nana and Granddad's house. He's just growing up so fast. I didn't want to move him to the nursery until November (six months), but he actually likes taking naps in his crib. Last night he fell asleep in there while I was at the gym. I asked Mr. Soup if we should just leave him in there and he goes, "no, we're not ready for that transition yet." hehe! He's not ready for him to be a big boy either!
This is my last week at home with him and all I want to do is snuggle and cuddle all day. Joel wants to bounce, reach, lean his head back (that's how he got dropped by daddy a couple of weeks ago) wiggle, laugh, coo, point, and everything else. Kisses from momma have taken a back seat to seeing what's going on in the world.
I know I should not complain that he's trying to become independent. He's making my life easy in some ways (he can entertain himself) and difficult in others (he's so active that we can't keep up). I know once he's at daycare, it'll be easy because he'll wear himself out there and then come home tired for us. I will miss nursing him during the day. I know it sounds weird, but I actually prefer to nurse him as opposed to giving him a bottle. I feel like he's safe and warm with me when he's nursing. Plus, I absolutely hate pumping, but I'm going to give it my best shot this school year! Only nine more months until his 1st birthday (when I plan to stop breastfeeding/pumping). Pray that I can make it!
I know every mom thinks their little one is the best, but I really lucked out with Joely. My pregnancy was easy, my labor and delivery was easy, and he's been easy to love and care for each day. I just love him so much and want him to be my baby boy. I'm realizing that he's going to grow and change just as I did. I look back on this summer with such fondness. Our walks in the neighborhood, afternoon snugglefests, and feedings were some of the greatest moments of my life. As we enter fall, I'm excited to watch him grow and for Mr. Soup and I to grow as parents. He's such an amazing baby...er...boy! Oh, Joel! I love you so, so much!

Joel's Baptism Weekend

2011-08-10T08:58:00.003-05:00

Mr. Soup, Joel and I headed up to Kansas this past weekend. This was our first official road trip in our new car and Joel's first road trip. I will say that he did so well on the way to Kansas. He slept the entire time. We stopped once for gas and so that I could nurse him and change his diaper. It's kind of difficult to breast-feed a baby in a car, but we did it!
We arrived late Friday night in Wichita. Of course, Joel's Nana was up and ready for some cuddle time with her grandson! She was so excited to see him. The next morning we headed up to the church to go over the baptism with our pastor. It was really cool to talk about what baptism and raising Joel in the Christian faith means to us, especially to hear Mr. Soup talk about it. He talked about the fellowship he wants Joel to have with his Christian brothers and sisters. Our hope is that Joel will speak about his faith to others as well and be a light onto others. His baptism was such an important event in his life and he doesn't even know it! What a gift!
After the meeting we headed over to where Abby was staying with her grandparents. What a joy it was to see her. We don't see her often, but each time we do see her we're reminded of what a great child she is! I wish I could say that her home life has improved, but in fact it has taken a turn for the worse. Abby has really had to grow up quickly and worry about things that she should not have to worry about. However, this weekend, she really got to be a kid. She was so excited to meet her little brother, although I do suspect it was a little difficult to go from being her daddy's only child to sharing him. Murad and Abby decided to do a little shopping and he took her up to Chuck E Cheese's to meet up with his cousins. It was good for them to have some daddy-daughter time. I think he realized that what happened last summer had nothing to do with Abby's feelings towards us. She has been put in the position of being the adult at home and she did not want to be away from her mom. She told Murad that she worries about her mom all the time and doesn't want to be away from her. Such a sad statement, but a real testament to the loyalty Abby has for her mother.
I went on back to my parents house to introduce Joel to his Uncle Ryan and his girlfriend Renee. They flew in Saturday afternoon from Indianapolis. Of course, Ryan was immediately in love with his little nephew (who isn't?)!
That night, Murad and I went to dinner at Joel's godparents' home. We had a great evening introducing (we did lots of introducing this weekend) Joel to his godparents. We are so lucky to have them in Joel's life and so glad they accepted!
The next morning we got up bright and early for the baptism. Of course getting there wasn't without its drama, but we made it! The ceremony was so, so special. Seeing him with his godparents was an amazing experience. Listening to the words spoken over him and hearing the prayers said by the congregation made the experience an unforgettable one. This was probably the 2nd best day of my life (besides his birth). I just can't describe how happy I was that day.
We have his candle and garments here and I just keep looking at them. Our church also gave him $50 in a college fund through Mission Financial. We were pretty excited about this, as we've been meaning to do this. I really like Mission Financial because our investment goes towards helping build homes and churches across the world.
After the ceremony we had a lovely reception in church fellowship hall where everyone got to hold Joel! He was so alert and excited to see everyone! That night he slept from 10:30pm until 7am! Wow! He also slept in a crib the entire visit (the crib happened to be the same crib Ryan and I used as babies)
We spent the rest of the day visiting friends. Mr. Soup and I left Joel at home with Nana and Papa so that we could go out for a double date with some friends of ours.
The next day, we hung out around the house (we were pretty exhausted after being on the go so much) and then we headed back to Texas. Joel did not do so well in the car this time. We had to stop 3x. We decided to stay a little longer in OKC and eat a real dinner rather than fast food. We stopped in Bricktown and walked around while we waited for a table. It was pretty fun, but there is not much to do in OKC! ha! After our 3rd stop, Joel slept soundly the rest of the way. I guess he doesn't like traveling during the day, so we're going to have to make sure we travel at night. We did survive though and what a great weekend it was!
This week will be exclusive for snuggling and cuddling with my man before I go back to work! I'm going to try to work-out , go out with some friends one night and maybe squeeze in a date-night too. Ugh and laundry of course...

8 Things You Can't Do Once You Have Kids

2011-08-01T09:10:00.003-05:00

I frequent the Nest and the Bump for articles and information, especially now that I'm a new mom. I saw this article on there and was immediately annoyed. Sure there are limitations to what you can do once you have kids. Sure I can't go out and get wasted (mostly because I'm still breastfeeding and that would be a bitch to pump and dump, plus we're still sort of co-sleeping), but I really don't do that often now that I'm married anyways, so no loss. I can still meet up with my girlfriends for happy hour, dinner, movies, etc. It just takes some careful planning on our part. I can still read books. I'm not going to trade in my library card for a subscription to Us Weekly. Not gonna happen. I love books! I can still talk to my friends on the phone, watch TV, etc. I imagine that going to the bathroom by oneself is difficult, but I have yet to experience toddler-hood. If I had read this article before having Joel, I would think my life would be over after having kids. In fact, it couldn't be further from the truth. I get to do the things I love, plus I get to experience life again through his eyes. I now have an excuse for singing in the car -- it makes him laugh. I've always wanted to buy a Kidz Bop album (I know!), and now I can. I get to hear sweet giggles each morning from his nursery. When we go shopping, I have somebody hugging my body the entire time (in his Ergo carrier). If Happy Hour is boring, I have an excuse to leave early. When he gets older, I'll get to hold his hand to cross the street, watch him at sporting events, go to the Circus, go to Spanish story time at the library, etc. I basically have an excuse to be a kid again. I just do it in adult clothes!
Speaking of clothes, I went and bought new clothes yesterday. I didn't even think about if it were going to get stained by Joel because there is this invention called dry-cleaning, people! Sure Joel may ruin a shirt here and there, but at least his mama will look good holding him!
Going shopping post-pregnancy was not as bad as I envisioned. Even though I still feel fat, I can fit in cute clothes! I bought some cute tops, some dress pants and some capri pants. I can actually still fit into a small top and I can fit into my old pant size. The only thing is that my hips are now huge. I knew this would happen because it happened to my mom. Our hips tend to just stay after giving birth. So, before I was small-waisted big booty girl and now I just have hips.
One thing I never thought I would say is that I wish I had smaller boobs, but I do. When I was pregnant, I totally appreciated having big boobs. It was kind of like playing dress-up. Then the lactation consultant told our breastfeeding class that they would get bigger after giving birth. I thought to myself, "how can they get any bigger than this?" Well, they have and it's not fun (it is for my husband). Every top looks inappropriate no matter how modest it is. I now have a new respect for big-busted women. They say the boobs go away after breastfeeding, but we'll see next year if they do. For now, they're here to stay.
One thing that is difficult to do is lose the pregnancy weight. It's coming off though, so I can't be mad. I calculated my desired weight like this:
wedding day weight: 123
pre-pregnancy weight: 135 (they say when you're in love you eat!)
pregnancy weight: 165
Weight loss goal: 130
Current weight: 144
I'm getting there, slowly, but surely...

We are Family

2011-07-30T13:36:00.003-05:00

So our AC went out on Thursday! Can you believe it? One thing I do not like about summer is that it seems so many things go on the blink in the summer. We've had more bills this summer than the law should allow. Thank God we have savings and help from our parents, but we hate to use that as who knows what will happen this fall! Here are some of the things that we've had to pay for this summer:
-A/C in the jetta went out (and something else, but I can't remember)
-master bathroom toilet broke
-A/C in the house goes out
-oh and did I mention those medical bills for Joel's birth keep streaming in each month...
Despite this, I'm thankful that we can still get by and that we've received so much help from our Dallas family. There are days when I think to myself that things would be so much easier if we lived in Kansas close to my parents. I see all of my friends with family near by and I do sometimes get jealous. However, this week we were really reminded that we have a family here. Friends came forward with technician recommendations and we even borrowed a window unit and fans from friends. Joel and I spent yesterday at my friend's house enjoying her A/C. Joel even got to play and read with 3 year old Rowan!
So, even though part of the house is hot, we're still sitting pretty cool until the AC guy arrives with the new fan for the outside unit! Hoping he gets here soon!
So thanks to our Dallas Family! We're so glad we call this city home!

2 days

2011-07-28T13:07:00.006-05:00

It is amazing what a difference 2 days can make. Monday and Tuesday I spent most of the days bawling because I was not ready for Joel to go to daycare. I'm still not totally ready for him to go and I know it will be a difficult adjustment for me (I'm sure he's oblivious), but some things have happened that make me feel secure in returning to work.
Yesterday Joel and I went to my neighbor's house to play. She's a stay-at-home mom to two under two. Watching her with the kids was fun, inspiring and exhausting. Being a stay-at-home mom is probably more exhausting than being a working mom, in my opinion. I mean sure we're away from the babes all day (agony), but we can focus on just them when we get home and we can tag-team tasks with the hubby. With a stay-at-home mom it's a constant juggling act. You're the sole entertainment and disciplinarian for the majority of the day. I have so much respect for stay-at-home moms. I know my neighbor doesn't think of it as work (how could you when taking care of cute little babies), but I know she really appreciates adult conversation and her free-time. Luckily, she waitresses a few nights a week and since I'm off this summer we get to hang out with our kids. Next summer I'll be in her boat with Joel being a year old (walking and getting into things) and me being home with him! Let's hope I can survive.
Today Joel and I took a walk down to his daycare to visit. We were greeted by all his new friends. They were so excited to meet Baby Joel. We watched them play some sort of ball game as they got ready to eat lunch. We also received a beautiful diaper cake from them (yay!). Our daycare provider also told us that they bought a brand new Chicco pack n play for Joel to nap in while he's in their care. This is great because he sleeps in a Chicco pack n' play in our room (more on that later). We were really excited to hear that they are taking extra steps towards making their home his 2nd home. Makes my nervous mama-heart feel so much better. I really am excited about him going to daycare. He's going to have so many great opportunities and the socialization....couldn't ask for a better environment for him to learn about sharing and caring. Overall, I am really excited for the life Joel will have. I feel blessed that Mr. Soup and I are financially able to and emotionally (is that the right word?) able to give him the life we feel he deserves. We have so many hopes and dreams for him, but more importantly we're excited to see how he chooses to live his life. I'm trying to focus more on the blessings we have. If I stay in my current career, I will get to be a stay-at-home mom each summer and will have every major holiday off with him. Mr. Soup's career allows him to come home during the day to spend time with us this summer. We still are the most important and influential people in his life, which is what I feared we would lose with daycare. While I am sad about leaving Joel, I do feel secure that we made the right decision for our family. I'm slowly becoming eager for the fall!
Okay so last night was the fifth night that Joel slept in his pack n' play! Yay! He's making so much progress. Hope to have him sleeping in his crib in his room by November!
This weekend I'm going shopping for myself! I haven't done that since Joel was born. Thanks to my mom (for footing the bill) and to my husband for letting me have Friday night (Harry Potter with my friend Christina) and Saturday (for shopping) to myself. I'm getting a nice outfit to wear to his baptism and some back to school clothes. I'm sure I'll pick up a few things for Joel while I'm out. I always do!

back to school blues

2011-07-26T18:47:00.003-05:00

every year I feel a mixture of dread and excitement as I return back to school. Dread because I'll be busier than I can imagine and excitement because I'll have structure. I'm not one of those people who makes the most of my time off. This was true even before Joel. I usually spend my days in PJs, watch TV, maybe hit the gym or pool, etc. Sometimes I struggle to buy groceries. This summer I had an excuse to be lazy because my baby boy was born. It was hard for me to get out of the house each day. I preferred just to sit and watch Joel play, cry and sleep. However, I made a point to do something outside of the home with Joel whether it was a walk, or a lunch-date, or something.
When Mr. Soup and I decided to have kids we knew we'd be working parents. I felt fortunate to have a career where I have all major holidays off and summers off too. However, when I do work, I'm consumed by grading, stupid meetings, tutoring, etc. So, my heart has been really heavy as I prepare to take Joel to daycare next month. I never knew that I would feel such sadness. I have so enjoyed every day of maternity leave. I'm pretty much worthless with Joel around as evident by the piles of laundry that need to be folded, but I love waking up each day, seeing him smile, watching him wiggle on his tummy and watching him explore his surroundings. He looks so cute when he discovers something and focuses in on it. And while I'm sad that he's getting bigger, I love his little fat rolls on his body. His chubby arms and legs are the cutest. Even when he cries, I find it adorable. His little bottom lip starts to quiver and hot tears roll down his cheeks. His hands are so delicate and soft, yet surprisingly strong. I am absolutely in love with my boy.
I know I shouldn't be sad, but I am. It's an end of an era and the beginning of something new and great. I also now know how his daddy feels. He has to be away from him 8 hours out of the day. His time with him in the evening is so precious. Now I will experience that. I do look forward to it in a way because I will be forced to take advantage of each precious moment with him. It will force me to be more organized and disciplined. I look forward to the new family we will welcome in our daycare provider and the friends Joel will make. I look forward to interacting on a regular basis with adults. I look forward to not spending money frivolously. And maybe if I ever get the chance to work from home or work less, I won't be so worthless and the laundry will get done! I'm a big bag of mixed emotions right now. Still want to be a working mom, but wishing I had just three more months at home with him. Wish we could've prepared more for that. I'm quickly learning there is no way to plan for a baby no matter how hard you try. There is also no way I could have prepared to have my heart removed from body. He's it now!

Officially 2 months

2011-07-22T14:15:00.002-05:00

Joel is officially 2 months today! Today we had his 2 month check-up. Big day for our family! I feel like he's changed so much from the little baby we brought home to the boy we have today. It's bittersweet, really. I shed a few tears last night as I looked at him. I love watching him grow and learn, but I also miss holding my tiny little one. I DO love getting more sleep though!

Here are his stats:
10.2 lbs (10-25%)
21 1/4 inches (5%)
head circumference (10%)

He had his two month shots complete with tears. Oh, how my heart broke to hear him cry. He kept looking at me like, "mom! how can you let them do this to me?" Well, bub, it's a necessary evil. He goes back in September for more. Maybe daddy can take him that time. Not sure if I can handle watching that again! haha!

He has hit all his developmental milestones. Lifting his head, smiling, cooing, wiggling and reaching are all things he does on a daily basis. He spends a lot of his time wiggling and reaching for things. He is so curious of the world around him. He can also roll over and give kisses (I'm sure those weren't on the milestone checklist)

Well that's it for our little guy! Stay tuned for more updates!

2 months

2011-07-19T16:34:00.002-05:00

On Friday JT will be 2 months! He has his two month doctor's appointment where he'll get his shots. Last week when I stepped on the scale with him, he weighed 10 lbs. This week he feels heavier and even has little fat rolls! So cute. I wonder how big he'll be Friday? JT has so much personality now. He's more like a little boy than an actual baby. He smiles now and it absolutely melts my heart. I spend most of my day oohing and awwing over him rather than updating my blog (sorry!) Here are some things we've noticed about him:
-loves to have his feet rubbed
-he likes Notorious BIG, Fiona Apple, Marcia Ambrosia and any slow R&B music or music with acoustic guitars
-he's reaching for the toys on his tummy time mat. He can entertain himself reaching for those things for minutes
-he likes to give kisses! It's the cutest thing. He even gave Maya a kiss and she reciprocated with a big lick on his face!
-his hair is more of a dark, chocolatey brown color like mine rather than black like Murad's. His hair hasn't turned curly yet, so we think the soft waves are here to stay
-when he smiles he makes his eyes go to one side and he also likes to ball his fists up near his face. both are things we noticed in Murad's baby pics
-his eyes are a medium shade of brown like Murad and Abby's instead of dark brown like mine.
-he can roll over on his own
-he still sleeps with us in the bed, but we're slowly transitioning him to the pack n' play and then to his crib in his nursery. My anti-cosleeping hubby is now on board with it, so he's stayed with us a little longer than expected. It's kind of good because since he's learned to roll over he rolls to his stomach during sleep. It really freaks Mommy and Daddy out, so we're keeping him in our bed so we can flip him to his back. He has an AngelCare monitor in his crib, but not in his pack n' play, so we haven't figured out how to monitor him in the pack n' play.

Some more updates:
Grandpop Joel and Gigi came to visit at the end of June! What a great time JT had with them. He received a new swing and mommy and daddy received a digital photo frame and coffee maker! It was so cool to see grandson Joel (JT) and Grandpop Joel interact
New friends - JT has quite a few friends his age. This past weekend he met Isaiah Jr. (3/31/2011) who came from MD to visit his grandparents in Richardson. His friend Walt was born in KC on July 16th! Walt and JT were only supposed to be 5 weeks apart, but with JT arriving early and Walt a week late, they are almost 2 months apart! He has a friend arriving 8/11 in Lawrence, 10/11 in Sweden and 12/11 or 1/12 in Denver. Lots and lots of friends for him to meet!
Baptism - We are excited that JT will be baptized next month in my hometown. This is the same church at which my brother, my mom and I were baptized. That weekend JT will also meet his big sister Abby for the first time, as well as his Uncle Ryan and some great-grandparents.
JT had his first cold - not fun, but it only lasted 2 days.
Updates for the Soup family:
I've been cleared to work-out! I started last week. I only went 3 days, but it felt really good to do intense cardio and lift weights. I kind of overdid it on the abs (because let's face it, that's the area that needs the most work!), but I'm going to start back up slowly. I lost 15 lbs immediately after having Joel and then kind of plateaued. Last week I lost 3 lbs. I figure if I average 3 lbs a week, I'll be back in shape in no time!
I go back to work in exactly a month. I'm so dreading it. While I know that JT will be fine in day care (in fact, Mr. Soup and I both agree that he will be better cared for at day care than with us ....lol...no but for real), it's still hard for me to imagine leaving him all day long. I know my day will be amazing when I jet over to daycare to pick up his smiling face! I'm trying to soak up my JT time now. I think I'm averaging 5-10 photos and videos daily. I don't have the patience to upload them all on here, but I've posted quite a few on Facebook. He's just so amazing. I love capturing his little world.
Mr. Soup and I have decided to start a non-profit! I'm going to be blogging about the process as we'll be going through the filing with the state and the IRS. Right now we're in the infancy stages: gathering our board of trustees, filling out paper work, etc. After that we'll wait and wait and then we can finally start applying for funding. Our goal is to be up and running next fall (2012). It kind of started out as an idea that we thought sounded good, but when we started talking about it to people we realized there really is a need for this kind of organization in the community. So many people have volunteered to help us with everything including working with the IRS and other legal matters. We're hoping that once this all gets running in a couple of years, that we'll be able to spend more time with JT. We also love the organization, because it combines our passion for education and social services. Like I said, I'll try to blog about our ups and downs with starting a non-profit. Right now, I'm working on the mission statement and some materials while I'm on maternity leave (in the little time when JT is sleeping or when I'm nursing him)
Mr. Soup took his social work licensure exam. He missed passing by six lousy points. He saw one of his classmates there and she only passed by 2 points. Most of his friends failed by 20 points, so he's glad he's not in that boat. He'll take it again in October. He was able to identify the area in which he needs to improve: speed. The test is only four hours long and he realized he took too long on each question and wasn't able to go back and correct his answers. So, he's going to do drills once a week until the date of the next test. I'm still very proud of him. The LMSW test is one of the hardest tests out there.
I think that's it for the Soups! Til next time!

JT Update: 3 weeks

2011-06-18T10:45:00.003-05:00

Hard to believe that tomorrow my little man will be 4 weeks old! The past 4 weeks have flown by quickly. I keep trying to relive all the moments from his birth to this morning. Okay, so here is an update from his 3 week check-up.
weight: 6 lbs. 10 oz. 5th percentile
height: 19 1/2 inches 5th percentile
head circumference: 10th percentile (I can't remember the measurement)
His doctor said she waited to tell me his percentiles until he was in the fifth because the weeks before he wasn't even on the chart. She also said those numbers don't take into consideration that he was born two and a half weeks early. My mom said not to worry because my brother and I were both in the low percentiles and it's not like JT has failure to thrive or anything. He does have a bit of thrush and a yeast rash (we no longer can use diaper wipes), but other than that he's progressing quite steadily. In fact, he's been excelling in my eyes. During tummy time, he kicks his little legs, rolls over and lifts his head. He's a natural athlete like his daddy! It's so fun to watch him do something new each day. His little personality is starting to come out more too. Although, he only exhibits sleep smiles, we're starting to tell when he prefers something and when he hates it. He's starting to focus in on the things he sees around him too.
We have been co-sleeping with JT. Apparently, co-sleeping is like the unspoken norm. My mom confessed that I co-slept with my parents for 8 months and JT's doctor said that she co-slept with her two kiddos. Everyone has warned me that it is hard to transition from co-sleeping to the crib. I also had a scare the other night, when Mr. Soup rolled over a little too close to JT. So, I've been trying to have him sleep in his pack-n-play more. I've noticed that when I nurse him in our bed, he wants to stay in our bed (makes sense), but if I nurse him in his rocking chair, he falls asleep there and doesn't really notice that I've put him in his pack n' play as long as I swaddle him up nicely. He's only slept in his crib once for a couple of hours and honestly, that's fine with me because I'm not ready to have him leave our room. I think next month, I will try to transition him to the crib a little bit more.
All this co-sleeping business has got me thinking about the fall, which I'm already dreading! I'm so blessed that I have 3 months with JT, but honestly I do not think it's long enough. I have always wanted to be a working mom, but I really think a baby needs at least six months with his momma before entering the "real" (daycare) world. At first I thought it was just that "I don't want to go back to work" feeling I get every summer, but I realize it's more about wanting to be with JT. In fact, it's more about realizing that JT needs me. It's a shame that most companies don't offer more maternity leave (or any at all---which is the case with my job...). In most European countries, women get a whole year off after having a baby. My friend and her husband planned for her to take six months off from work and I wish we could've done that. With Mr. Soup graduating from grad school and trying to find a job, it just wasn't possible (we would've exhausted our savings completely); however, for the next child (yes! I want another one or two! I'm hooked), we are going to try to save enough money so that I will not have to go back to work until he or she is six months old. I'm also going to start researching the FMLA and working mothers' rights groups a little more. There has got to be a way to change these laws. My school district requires that women use their personal days before using their Short Term Disability. Even though I paid into STD, I didn't get to use it because of when I had him. I definitely do not want to use my days because I'm going to need them when he gets sick and all that stuff. It just all seems so unfair for women. I just think more needs to be done to help women be good mothers, but also maintain a career. Okay, so I'm getting off my soapbox!
For now, I'm trying not to think about returning to work. I actually think it will be okay because I do like order and predictability. I love being at home with JT, but it is difficult for me to always stay on a schedule. Working will force me to do that. Right now, I'm trying to soak up all the JT hugs and snuggles I can! Even though I know he needs to sleep in his pack n' play or crib, I may sneak some family-sleeping time so that we can all snuggle. Last night was the first night all five of us slept together. Yep! Sam was on the floor, Maya at the end of the bed, JT in the pack n' play and Mr. Soup and me in the bed. I slept so well knowing we were all together. I loved it!
I leave you with some pictures of JT and his nursery. JT and I slept in the nursery the first week and a half of his life, but other than that he hasn't been in there much except for diaper changing. I love how it all turned out. I hope it's a place where he can feel safe and have fun. I want to give a big shout out to my mom for organizing his closet and dresser. It's so easy to get things!

Nana and Grandpa come to town

2011-06-15T14:47:00.003-05:00

JT's Kansas grandparents made their way to Texas to visit their very first grandchild and spoil him. They came last week and took off this morning for the Heartland. I really thought I was doing fine until they got here, but having them here was a big help! In fact, my mom completely organized Joel's nursery! I can actually post pictures of how cute it looks! She even organized our pantry. If she had been here a week longer she would've had the whole house organized. It was just the motivation for me to get our master bedroom closet organized and for Mr. Soup to clean out the garage. He will do it this weekend which will be great! We will actually be able to park in it, which is good since it's hotter than Hades outside.
Mom and Dad also bought us a grill so we enjoyed yummy burgers made by my mom! The best part of the week was seeing JT interact with his grandparents. My dad was so happy to see his grandson that he made a point to do tummy time with him, push him in his stroller when we went to stores, and hold him. My mom loved holding the little guy in her arms. I think he was held by someone the majority of the time they were here. Of course, today was very difficult. Mom and I had tears coming down our cheeks. Being a grandparent is hard when you're miles and miles away from the little one. JT will take his first trip to KS in August for his baptism, but it seems so far away. *Sigh* We'll get through it. Until then, here are some pics of Grandpa and Nana with JT!

Co-sleeping

2011-06-06T01:56:00.002-05:00

I've never been a fan of anything considered new age or odd. Prior to JT's arrival, I thought babies were supposed to sleep in a crib in another room (that's what baby monitors are for, right?). While JT loves his Pack n' Play, I have noticed that he sleeps better in our bed. We only do this in the afternoon during naps, but right now I'm in our bed with JT and he's konked out (sidenote: I'm only in bed with him because Mr. Soup is up). He sleeps longer in the afternoons and it's so much easier to nurse him when he's already in our bed. His breathing is more regulated.
I'm just terrified of SIDS and that's why I won't fully commit to co-sleeping, especially at night. I'm just afraid I'll be too asleep and won't be aware of him being there. I don't want to crush him. I do like the idea of Mr. Soup bonding with him since he works all day and once I return to work, co-sleeping would allow some more bonding time for me.
I need to do some major research on co-sleeping, like not on the internet. In a few minutes, I'll place JT in his pack n' play. I'll miss feeling him next to me...

It's 3am, I must be lonely...

2011-06-05T03:09:00.008-05:00

But, I'm not! My little man screamed his lungs off. It took me a while to respond. Usually, I am up in a flash, but I estimate that it took me ten minutes to respond. This means I must be really tired. Today was a busy day with only one nap for mommy! Today was the first day I was away from JT. Mr. Soup granted me some alone time. He tries to act like it was out of love for me, but I think he wanted some JT snuggle time. I never thought about how much goes into a father bonding with his child. We moms are lucky because ours is almost automatic, but dads need lots of built in time especially if they go back to work immediately. Plus, I think it helped Mr. Soup to be more relaxed around JT because I wasn't there critiquing everything. So I was granted 3 hours of alone time. I did some mundane things like take the dogs to the vet and shop for groceries, but I also ate lunch without them. I also drove my old car for the first time in weeks. I felt so young and carefree. Driving that Jetta again took me back to the age of 22 when I first purchased it. It was my only major responsibilty (and not really because my parents made the payments while I was in grad school). Those 3 hours of no responsibility were nice and refreshing. I will take advantage of it while I can; however, I was more than ready to see my little boy when I got home. I kind of was glad that he was fussy while I was gone. He missed me too!
Mr. Soup and I discussed the whole grad school thing again. I'm so lucky that my husband not only supports my higher education goals, but encourages them. I am also lucky that he totally understood me wanting to wait until JT or any subsequent children that we may have was in school. I know I am going to live for nights, weekends, and summers with my family.
One thing he is encouraging me to do is work on my writing more. I wrote a series of low readability inference mysteries for my students years ago. He wants me to add more and revamp them. I also developed some drug prevention activities for Red Ribbon Week that I can add to if I want to make it more universal. I've also been writing training stuff for friends' businesses and I am going to help my friend write the curriculum for her self-help program. All of this stuff I've been doing for free for my district and friends, but a little late night research has shown me that there is money to be had in doing what I love. I plan to work on some of this stuff this summer, but really crackdown next summer. We have to pay for JT's daycare year-round (don't get me started), so I plan to take him there a few days a week next summer. During that time I can work on all this (in addition to lunch dates, pool time, and other mommy-alone time activities). Focusing on this is better than grad school right now. Grad school = time away from JT, money going out. Writing = minimal time away, some money possibly coming in, and creative release. Plus all this could be good for the research I may do as a grad student in 2020! So I feel pretty good about my decision. I can honestly say I am where I want to be in life. I have two great jobs, wonderful home, two awesome dogs, amazing husband and the world's best son! Did I mention that in 30 minutes that son will be 2 weeks old? Time sure does fly. In that time he lost weight and gained it, battled jaundice, learned to take the bippy from Daddy and put it in his mouth, learned to make Sam love him just as much as Maya does, roll to one side and be extra cute! God, I love you, little dude. Happy 2 week birthday!

We've survived

2011-06-02T14:08:00.004-05:00

I kind of waited to post on this because I wanted to be able to say, "yeah! we did it!"
Yeah! We did it!
We survived
-breastfeeding struggles
-jaundice
-postpartum depression
For breastfeeding to be so natural it is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. JT immediately latched on in the hospital, but he barely wanted to nurse. This was partly due to the fact that it took 5 days for my milk to come in, which is average. This wouldn't have been a big issue except I didn't have a pump nor could I pump because there was no milk. I was really leary about giving him formula or even breast milk in a bottle. I was so scared of causing nipple confusion. However, after his jaundice worsened and he started dropping o-z's like crazy, I gave in a little. Of course all babies drop ounces, but his was dramatic and combined with the jaundice got too scary. On Friday I called his pediatrician because the whites of his eyes started to yellow. Fortunately, my milk had just come in, so I was able to continue nursing and top off with formula just to get his weight up. When we went to his check-up on Tuesday, his billirubin had gone down significantly and his weight had gone up. He was a completely different baby than the one I had brought in the week before. He is still changing before our very eyes. He loves to feed now, so much so that he's mistaken daddy's nipple for mine (Mr. Soup was not too happy about that). He also loves to explore. He has incredible head and neck strength and can shimmy his way around when on his tummy. He loves to be held. I think Mr. Soup has spoiled him in that area. There are plenty of times where we are sure he's good and konked out. We go to put him in his pack n' play and he immediately wakes up and cries. Yeah. Not fun!
Post-partum depression is not fun. I don't think I had it very badly, but I definitely had some symptoms. I think a lot of was due to the fact that JT wouldn't nurse. I never felt as though I wanted to hurt JT or hurt myself. I just had this nagging sense that I wasn't doing a good job as a mother. I would look at JT and cry because I didn't think I was a good enough mommy for him. Everyone around me did a good job of building me up and not allowing me to wallow too much, but sometimes I gave in to my feelings of insecurity. Once JT's health was on the up and up, I started to feel a little bit better. Each day, I feel like I'm making progress. I'm sure part of it has to do with my hormones evening out too. Talking my feelings out really helps as well. I'm such a perfectionist who never fails at anything. The thought of failing at motherhood was overwhelming. I have so much love for this little guy and want to do my best for him.
So before JT was born, I posted about attending an information session on a PhD program. I went to it and was really blown away. I knew this university had a PhD in Reading Education, but I was never really interested. Reading seemed so clinical and diagnostic, as well as elementary. I really wanted to study English Education like I did for my master's . In that we were able to study young adult literature, writing, reading, etc. Well, the university revamped their program into a PhD in Language & Literacy Studies. It has a broader focus that includes Reading Ed, English Ed, and Bilingual/ESL Ed too. They got rid of their EdD program and made their PhD less rigorous (meaning less research classes). They also cater to full-time teachers and offer classes at night only. Right now they only offer classes at the main campus which is 40 minutes away, but they are looking to offer more classes closer to us in the near future. So, it sounds perfect, right? That was before I became a mom. Now I cringe at the thought of spending a couple of evenings a week away from him. I already work too much as it is. Earning my PhD has always been a goal of mine for many reasons: 1. personal satisfaction 2. impact on teaching 3. expand career options 4. show my children they can do anything they set their mind towards doing. I still want to earn it, but I need to learn to balance mommyhood with work first. So, instead of looking at entering in fall 2012, I'm thinking fall 2013. Instead of going full-time or taking a heavy part-time load, I think I may just take one or two courses at a time. I'm also hoping that some day soon I can transition to working at the community college full-time or part-time. It'll take me a long, long time to earn a PhD, but at least I can do it and minimize my time away from JT. He seriously is all I want to focus on for the next few years. Funny how having a kid will change you. Not that I'm giving up on my dream, but I'm realizing there are other ways to achieve it. I'll keep you all updated on what I decide to do in the near future. Whatever it is, just know my family will always come first!

Happy One Week

2011-05-29T11:45:00.003-05:00

Well, today our little man is one week old! The time has flown by. I almost want to go back in time and recapture every moment, even the crazy ones.
JT, you have brought a joy to our lives that we never thought we'd experience. The love I have for you overwhelms me and sometimes brings me to tears. I hope you know that when Mommy cries it's because I love you.
I love watching you explore your surroundings. I know you can't see well yet, but your little facial expressions are priceless. Sometimes you look annoyed and sometimes you look deep in thought. I think I caught a few smiles today when I sang to you!
Your little arms are your best friend. We noticed this during the sono, and it's funny to see it in real life. Your arms are never far from your face. You make the cutest poses and the other day you had your middle finger up at me when you were breastfeeding. You better be glad you're too young to get punished!
I try to sleep when you sleep, but most of the time I'm busy snapping pictures of you. You are just too cute for words and I still cannot believe you are part me and part your father.
You have him wrapped around your finger. The man who never uttered the word "cute" before now uses it at least 20 times a day. The man who plays rough with Sampson and Maya and your sister is so gentle when he changes your diaper (except when it's smelly...then he rushes through it). I see a side of him that I never saw before and it's because of you. He sees a side of me he never saw. Although, I know he's annoyed with my constant worrying, he knows I have your best interest at heart. He knows that you are the light in our lives. Because of you our marriage is stronger and I thank you for that.
I have benefited from you in my life as well. Even though it's only been a week, I now see myself as a stronger individual. I feel like I can tackle any challenge that comes my way. I never felt so empowered until now. I want to make you proud!
JT, you are so great! We love you so much. Your middle name means "Morning Star" in Arabic. I don't think we could've planned on a more perfect middle name. You came to us in the wee hours of the morning when the stars were still out. You are the star of our life!
Happy Birthday, Joel Tariq! We love you!

A Birth Story

2011-05-28T12:54:00.008-05:00

For those of you who don't know, JT is here!! Yes, our little boy made his entrance into the world a tad bit early. At 37 1/2 weeks, he joined the world as we know it and man, are we glad! Well, let's start from the very beginning....a very a good place to start...
Friday May 20th, 2011
I had it with pregnancy. As many of you know, I had a very easy pregnancy; however, when I entered month 8 things started to change. By month 9 I was swollen all over and miserable. That night I cried to Mr. Soup when he came home. I told him that I didn't know how much longer I would be able to take being pregnant. He comforted me and told me that I'd get through it and that it would only be a few more weeks. We ended up eating tacos, watching the season finale of The Office and calling it a night. We planned to spend Saturday finishing JT's nursery and going out to dinner to celebrate our 5 year anniversary.
I had trouble sleeping that night. I was incredibly hot and uncomfortable. When I finally went to sleep I had weird dreams, which isn't all that abnormal for me.
Saturday May 21st, 2011
Mr. Soup and I woke up and discussed our dreams because we both remarked that we had weird dreams. His was about JT and mine was about Arnold Schzwarzneggar's mistress (go figure!). We also decided to wash our bed sheets and as I got out of bed, my water broke....or so I thought. It wasn't how we pictured it at all. On TV they make it seem like a big gush of water. It was more like a steady stream. We both started screaming and I jumped in the shower while Mr. Soup called the doctor. We got the on-call doctor who told us to head over to the hospital. Luckily, we live less than a block away, so we took our time. Mr. Soup shaved, I showered and ate breakfast. We both watched some TV and said good-bye to the dogs. We had no idea if we would be back in a few hours or a few days.
When we arrived at the hospital, we were admitted and they immediately started doing tests to see if in fact my water broke. Well, what do you know...tests were inconclusive. They decided to do more tests and the doctor on-call said I'd probably go home that afternoon as it did not seem as though I was in labor. Mr. Soup and I were bummed, but we figured it would give us more time to get things ready for JT, plus we were really looking forward to our anniversary dinner (well, I was because I'm always hungry!).
I just want to remind you all that we arrived at the hospital at 10:00am and by 3:00pm we still had no word as to whether my water broke. They did tell me that I was having contractions 2 minutes apart. They looked at my uterus with a sonogram machine to check the sacs of fluid. At around 4pm, they did a sterile speculum test to see if the water would fern; it did not. The doctor came back and said that since I tested positive for GBS, she wanted to proceed with delivery to be on the safe side. She still couldn't say for sure that my water had or had not broke.
So, they immediately started giving me Patocin (sp?) to make my contractions stronger. They also told me that I could get the Epidural when I wanted. I decided to hold off because I still couldn't feel anything at all. My nurse (who was by the way...AMAZING) told me that when I couldn't talk through my contractions, to let her know and she would contact the RNA to administer the epidural. During this time, I started to get really hungry. I hadn't eaten since breakfast and my nurse knew it. Before I got the Patocin, she gave me some crackers and chicken broth. She said, "pretend it's a cheeseburger." I tell you that was the best tasting soup and crackers I've ever had! It hit the spot.
At around 9pm, I sent Mr. Soup home to get some clothes for himself and my nurse told me she was going on her dinner break. I told her I was fine. I really felt fine and I could talk through my contractions. Probably ten minutes after they left, I felt a wave of strong contractions. I started crying and writhing in pain! I pushed that nurse button with all my might and my nurse came back from her dinner break immediately. She checked to see if I had dilated anymore which I had to a 4. She immediately called the RNA and he was there within 5 minutes (usually it takes them about 3o minutes to show up, but my nurse was awesome and got him to come ASAP) I called Mr. Soup and told him to hurry up because I was getting the epidural. I really wanted him to be there for it, but the RNA was so fast. My nurse helped me through those painful contractions and took Mr. Soup's place when the RNA administered it. At that time my water broke (or the rest of it came out...the doctors now think I had a leak or tear that caused my water to "break" twice) After the RNA administered the epidural (which took all of five minutes) I started feeling immediate relief, but 30 minutes later my contractions were still pretty strong. He came back and gave me something stronger to take the edge off. Mr. Soup did not like seeing me in all that pain. I think that was the hardest part for him. I've never seen him so worried in my life. Pretty soon, I went numb and could barely feel the contractions.
May 22nd, 2011
At midnight I reached 10 cm; however, JT was still high up. They had me turn and move to try to get him to come down. At 3:30, JT had dropped down into position. They could actually see his hair! The nurse had me do some practice pushes and then immediately called the doctor to tell her to hurry over. At around 4:00am, I started pushing for real and when the doctor arrived at 4:20, I did a few more pushes before JT entered the world at 4:34am. I was determined to deliver vaginally and I was so proud of myself for doing so well. My nurse said I pushed through 8 contractions before he arrived. I felt so empowered and the minute I saw his little purple self, I started crying. His cry was so beautiful as was he. I was a little bummed because they immediately took him to the warming table (after Mr. Soup cut the cord). They had preached skin-to-skin in all of our childbirth and breastfeeding classes, so I was a little taken aback. However, Mr. Soup was over there immediately snapping pictures while the doctor delivered the placenta and sewed me up.
Disclaimer: Gross info below--
Yes, I pooped during delivery. When we learned that they were going to augment my labor, I told Mr. Soup that I wanted to have a bowel movement before pushing because I did not want to shit during labor. Well, I did, but I guess I didn't let it all out. Mr. Soup said the poop during delivery was tiny and not that big of a deal. It really wasn't in the grand scheme of things. Yes, I did tear. I have a 3rd degree tear. It really isn't that bad. I had some pain in the hospital, but it was mild. My doctor seemed to think it was a big deal and prescribed me Vicodin, which I have yet to take. More than anything it's just annoying because it's another thing I have to attend to while caring for my son. I want to focus on him as much as possible, but I have this thing in the way. Because I started tearing, the doctor did a small episiotomy to prevent any further tearing.

Okay, so back to the birth. After they cleaned him up they brought him over to me. I immediately held him tight to my chest. I did not want to let go. Unfortunately, they had to take JT down to the nursery because he had some fluid in his belly. Mr. Soup was like, "Ash, they need to take the baby." I looked around and saw all the people waiting to take JT and I said, "Well no one is making me hand him over, so until they do that I'm going to hold him." I'd blame it on the epidural, but I really wasn't out of it. I just wanted some more snuggle time with my baby boy.
After they brought him back, I marveled at how beautiful he was. We had some skin-t0-skin time and he immediately latched. The whole thing was the highest point in my life thus far. I have never felt more strong, womanly and beautiful in my life and it is all because of this little guy. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat (and maybe I will again someday) I am now the member of a new club: the MOMMY club! I can't even recall what life was like before entering this club.
The rest of my hospital stay was not as magical as the experience I described above. In fact, I would describe it as hell with a few high points. While I am glad I had an epidural, I do envy mothers who have natural births in a birthing center because they send you home after a couple of hours. Being in the hospital gave me so much apprehension and I think contributed to my postpartum depression. Despite this, I am determined to end this post on a happy note. I have a beautiful baby boy now. I have a beautiful family!
I want to post on so many things from, including the following topics:
-hospital hell
-breastfeeding struggles and successes
-JT & jaundice
-postpartum depression
-dogs and baby
-exercising after birth (I am going to start exercising tomorrow! woo-hoo!)
Despite my desire to post on these things, I am very busy caring for my son. I may not get around to posting much, as I want to spend as much time as possible with him. If there is something you really want to know, let me know and I'll try to post something on it. Also, if you want me to post pics of JT, I will. I have been taking millions of pictures of him. I just can't stop!
I leave you with a few pictures of JT. We got suckered into buying the CD from the hospital photographer. Kind of a good thing because my friend who is doing his newborn photos won't be able to do them until the next couple of weeks. Here's my baby!

Update Extravaganza!

2011-05-19T13:32:00.004-05:00

I'll elaborate more on these later, but here are some!
37 weeks today. At my appointment on Tuesday, I was still 3 cm dilated and he went from 50% effaced to 75% effaced. I tested positive for Group B Strep and negative for HIV (duh!).
Tuesday I drove all over Plano, literally. I got JT's car seat installed in the SUV. Once we receive our 2nd base, we'll get that one installed in the Jetta too. I drove around all day Tuesday with that child seat in the Kia and just imagine JT sitting back there. I cannot wait to be a MOM. I cannot wait to look back and see my little one sleeping or screaming his lungs off!
Yesterday Mr. Soup surprised me by getting hiring professionals to clean our carpet. I feel so much better knowing that JT will come home a virtually fur-free home. Yesterday, the dog groomer came by for a consultation and they're getting shaved on Sunday afternoon. No more long coats for them! We're also going to start transitioning them from sleeping in our room. Tonight they'll sleep in the hall for the first time!
Today my dad had gall bladder surgery. Not a major surgery, but anyone who knows my dad knows that he has been through a ton of surgerys in the past 10 years. Any and every surgery is still a little scary. He's recovering and should go home tomorrow. Continue to keep him in your thoughts and prayers
Today is the five year anniversary of when Mr. Soup and I met at the DFW airport. Hard to believe it's been five years! So many good things have happened since then. It truly was a life-changing event for me!
One year ago today Mr. Soup and I closed on our first home. Homeownership hasn't been without it's challenges, but we absolutely love our home! It's not perfect, but it's the perfect home for us!
Tonight I'm going to a meeting to find out more information about a Ph.D program in Language & Literacy. I know, I know, what am I thinking? I'm going with an open mind. Just gathering information. It's something that I've always been interested in accomplishing and if they make it suitable for working teachers, I might be able to do it. Plus, if I have my way and only work part-time in a year or so, I could do it, right? we'll see. just gathering information at this point!
Mr. Soup has an interview for a new job. It's one he applied to before landing his current job, but they're just now getting back to him. We're crossing our fingers that he gets it as the pay increase would cover daycare and our travel fund! Of course, once he gets licensed, we'll be set as well, but nice to have more options especially once JT arrives.
Oh and JT's baptism date is tentatively set. We plan to have him baptized in August at the church where my mom, my brother and I were baptized! I'm so happy!
That's it for now!

36 weeks

2011-05-15T11:17:00.002-05:00

So, I didn't realize how big of a deal being 3 cm dilated was until I found out that for some that is considered early labor. At 3 cm I could go into labor in a few days or in a few weeks. I'm thinking JT may arrive sooner than later. Here's why:
-when I asked my doctor if being dilated at 3cm was normal, she was kind of coy in her response. "It'll just make things easier." However, she did make sure to go over the "going-into-labor" procedure 3 times before I left.
- when I told my mom (a 30+ year OB/GYN RN and current NICU RN) I was 3 cm, her response was, "Well, I guess Mr. Soup was right. My grandson may come in May!"
-JT has definitely dropped and he's dropping fast
-one of my principals remarked, "On Tuesday you looked maybe 7 months pregnant and today (Friday) you really look 9 months pregnant. He's dropping fast"
-My head principal keeps saying to me, "we're just glad you're here another day."
-JT has run out of room. It now hurts me when he and Mr. Soup play
-our childbirth instructor said to me yesterday, "now when are you due again? this month, right?"
Fortunately, I haven't had contractions yet. If I did, I think I would be in official panic mode. Nevertheless, I am in somewhat panic mode. Here is a list of things we have to do:
-wash JT's clothes (did that on Friday night...just need to put them away)
-get carseat installed (appointment set on May 17th)
-get the dogs shaved (consultation on May 18th)
-put together Pack'nPlay
-put together glider
-put together crib
-bring in changing table from the garage
(if you notice all the ones that say "put together" are ones that Mr. Soup was/is supposed to do)
On top of that Mr. Soup is signed up to take his LMSW exam on July 9th. So not only will we have to adjust to a little one, but he will be studying for one of the hardest exams ever! He's trying to do some studying now, so that he can still help out with JT in June and July.
That's our life in a nutshell. We're waiting on Baby Soup to get here. I wish I could say I was ready, but is anyone ever really ready? I am ready to get him out!

Momma Mia

2011-05-10T18:41:00.004-05:00

Well, I am 36 weeks! Whew! I have one month left carrying JT. Today was my 36 week appointment. I had the usual stuff done--blood pressure check, weight check, JT's heartbeat, etc. I also had the Group B Strep test and HIV screening. Looks like I'm about 3 cm dilated and JT is 50% effaced. Looking pretty good! It feels real now!
I loved being pregnant up until now. Month six and seven were good. That's when I first started looking pregnant and the bump was all cute and stuff! I could still wear cute shoes, I could walk without having to catch my breath, I went to the bathroom ten times a day instead of 20, and I could sleep comfortably. Oh, and I wasn't exhausted!! Month eight was brutal. My belly exploded! I have to wear tennis shoes or flip-flops. I can't tie my tennis shoes. I can't paint my toe nails. I really can't do any feminine things on my own....I can't sleep at night. I'm Hot all the time! I'm tired all the time. I have major mood swings. I have stolen food from people's lunches at work. Yes! I have. I know. I'm horrible. I can't believe it. I started crying because Mr. Soup didn't want to watch the Royal Wedding a couple of weeks ago. On Saturday, Mr. Soup and I went to our first child birth class. I cried through every birth video we watched. Most of the class was disgusted, but I cried. Yeah, so I'm definitely ready to get this boy out!
I'm hoping Month 9 will be better, but I have a feeling it won't. I guess I'm getting prepared for all the sacrifices I will have to make for JT. Giving up my body has been very difficult for me, but I know I will eventually get it back. Everyone keeps telling me not to worry about that and I haven't. I do feel kind of empowered being able to provide everything for my little man. I think it's so cool that my body was designed to carry him for nine....er....ten months!
I know there is no "right" time to become a mother, but I really think things have fallen into place for our little family. I feel like it's fate that we bought a house one block from the hospital at which I'll deliver. I feel like it's fate that we live four houses down the street from an ideal daycare provider. Even before Mr. Soup and I married, we knew wanted a Spanish speaking provider for any kids we had. We're so blessed that we found the kindest mother/daughter day care team. While I am not looking forward to the idea of leaving him next fall, I could not ask for a better set of women to look after my son. In fact, I think JT will get a better experience with them than if I were a stay-at-home mom. When Mr. Soup and I went on our daycare tour, I was in love. I do not remember my daycare being like that when I was a kid. I just felt a sense of warmth and family. I guess it truly does take a village.
My first Mother's Day was great, but also kind of sad. I received lots of gifts and everyone made me feel like I was a mother. In fact, I think I was one of the few mothers who had to "be a mom" on Mother's Day. All the other moms got the day off from their kids, but JT was with me all day long. I didn't get a break from being exhausted, gassy, swollen, uncomfortable, etc. My husband tried to make things better by doing my half of the household chores, but it was still hard. I think the hardest part was that all those moms who got the day off from their kids still got hugs and cuddle time at the end of the day. I long for that. I just want to hold my little guy. I have to keep telling myself that the mood swings, lack of sleep, exhaustion and other bad things are worth it, because in a few short weeks I will get to hold my SON!
I think what makes this so special is seeing Mr. Soup become excited about JT. He loves getting our weekly updates from the Bump. He loves talking to JT through my belly. He gets excited thinking about all the things we'll get to do with JT. We have so many things we want to share with him. I think being a parent is the best job in the world. I can't believe I was hired.

Apparently, being a mom is totally cool because my baby girl, Maya wants to be a mom as well. I love watching her with her "baby dog." She's so caring to the baby. Although, at times she can be neglectful, she is quick to protect Baby from us and Sampson. Sam does try to terrorize Maya by stealing Baby. Hopefully, this is not indicative of what will happen when JT arrives. For now, I'll just enjoy watching them with Baby!

8 months....

2011-04-24T21:19:00.003-05:00

Well it has been an eventful week!
Last weekend, Mr. Soup and I traveled to Wichita, KS for my baby shower. We were fortunate enough to visit one of Mr. Soup's cousins while we were there. He has known that he has a cousin living there, and last weekend he was finally able to meet her. I know it feels good for him to have family in Kansas besides my own.
On Sunday, I woke up with a sore throat, but didn't think too much of it as we headed to lunch with Abby and her family. It was really good to see her and hear about her life in her new city. However, it was disheartening to see how much she has changed since last summer. We couldn't help but think how great her life would've been if she were with us. I think we truly are worried for her health and well-being in the future, but all we can do is offer support from a distance. I will say that despite her circumstances, she seemed genuinely happy and care-free. She is really excited about her little brother arriving.
We also met up at lunch with my grandfather who was in town for the Shriner's Circus. It was good to see him as well. The last time I saw him was at Christmas and before that I think my wedding was the last time that I had seen him.
After lunch my mom and I headed to my baby shower hosted by my wonderful friends Jennifer and Katie! It truly was a shower of love and friendship! I saw old friends that I have not seen in years and I was amazed by how much love everyone has for JT! Katie and Jennifer really outdid themselves with the shower. I couldn't have asked for a better one!
My friend Amber, who is about 7 months along with her first child (a boy), was there and I got a little emotional seeing her. We've been friends since 2nd grade and I've known her husband since Kindergarten. Seeing us both enter this time in our lives together is truly a gift!
Mr. Soup even gave me my "push" prize early. I've been wanting an IPad or Kindle or Nook for a long time. He bought me the Samsung Galaxy and put some books on it for me as well. It's the perfect gift and I was so shocked that he bought it for me. While my mom and I were at the shower, he and my dad hung out most of the day. I knew one of them would come home with a new piece of technology, but I had no idea it would be for me!
We headed back to Texas and I still felt kinda icky. I decided I would take Monday off just to rest. Little did I know, I would be out for 3 days! I did not return to work until Thursday. I had some respiratory junk and there was nothing I could really take because of JT. Of course, JT makes my recovery rate a little slow. I'm still battling some congestion today, but I can say I'm close to 100%.
Mr. Soup and I also decided that we wanted to make the switch to a family-friendly vehicle. We knew that with JT coming we really couldn't afford a 2nd car payment, so we decided to trade in the newer of our two vehicles. Mr. Soup's car (09 Ford Fusion) has quite a few miles on it due to visiting Abby and commuting to school, so his was the obvious choice. My car (04 VW Jetta) is completely paid for, has relatively low miles and is still in good condition. So, Friday night we headed to the dealership to see if we could make some sort of trade and we are now owners of our parent-mobile: 11 Kia Sorento. We chose the Sorento because of the awesome warranty, redesigned model that now seats 7, fuel economy, and other family-friendly features. Mr. Soup was able to negotiate a good price in that he only pays a little bit more each month than he did before. Up until now, we had considered a mini-van mostly because of the cost; however, I think we both weren't completely ready to make the jump to a mini-van. I think if we planned to have more kids right away, we might've opted for a mini-van, but for right now it's the perfect vehicle for our little family.
On Saturday, we headed to Infant Safety/CPR class in our new vehicle. Of course, I had trouble doing CPR on our mini-baby (I couldn't get the chest to click during compressions). Mr. Soup was the best in class, of course. He probably could've taught the course. Luckily, we bought the mini-baby and DVD, so I plan to practice in the next few weeks! After our class, we headed for a late lunch at our favorite cafe in Dallas. We had plans to go to the Rangers game, but we ended up going home for a long nap!
Today, was a pretty lazy day. We didn't get up in time for Easter service at church. I'm still a little under the weather, so we spent most of the day in PJs before heading to a friend's house for an Easter celebration. After that we went and got ice cream and now we're listening to the storms outside. We are trying to enjoy our last weeks as a childless couple before JT arrives. Even though I am uncomfortable and big, I am truly enjoying this time in our lives. I love feeling my baby move and seeing Mr. Soup's face as he feels my belly. I love our quiet evenings with just the two of us walking around or watching a movie. All of this will soon change, so I want to savor as much of it as I can.
This week is another busy week for the Soups! Tomorrow I have to grade college essays, Tuesday and Wednesday is TAKS at the junior high, and Tuesday is my breast-pumping class. I also need to get an oil change on the Jetta and make my baby shower thank-you cards.

Strawberries

2011-04-10T13:57:00.002-05:00

So, I'm guessing JT must love strawberries. I have never been the type to get super excited about fruit. I love vegetables and meat. I could eat zuchini, carrots, peppers, and other vegetables all day long! Since becoming pregnant I crave fruits. I drink grapefruit juice daily (never did that before). I used to eat oranges everyday twice a day, but now I stick to bananas and strawberries. Man, there are some huge, plump strawberries at the market lately. I absolutely love them. I could eat them all day for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I'm wondering if that means that JT will like strawberries? I wonder what foods he will like? What toys will be his favorite? What things will make him happy? mad? sad? As I'm nearing the end of my pregnancy (8 months on Thursday), I start to wonder about what it will be like to have him here. I'm not looking forward to the feedings every three hours, the crying, the diapers, taking an hour to get ready to go somewhere, etc. However, I am looking forward to the feedings because it means I get to hold him close. the crying? I'll get to soothe him and hold him. I can't wait to kiss his little toes. I long to hold his little hands and look in his eyes.
I think what makes this so special is how excited Mr. Soup is too. Today he woke up and told me that while I was asleep, he spent some time talking to my belly and feeling JT move around. He also has been nesting quite a bit. Fixing things around the house and now he's decided that we should install hardwoods in the family room before JT arrives (why didn't he think of this a few months ago?). We've kind of been going back and forth on daycare. Bummed that our ideal daycare is so expensive, but not sure what to do. He keeps reminding me that the values at the daycare match ours. If we're going to have someone else watch our little man during the day, they need to be the best. Thinking about daycare makes me kind of sad already. I think I will cry when I have to go back to work in the fall. He's just a special little guy and he's already captured our hearts.

my new favorite season

2011-04-08T16:37:00.002-05:00

spring has always been my favorite season. I absolutely love everything about it. St. Patrick's Day and Cinco de Mayo. March Madness. Sitting on the patio in shorts and a light jacket. walking my dogs and not freezing my butt off or sweating profusely. Yeah, all those things. Being pregnant makes it quite difficult to really enjoy spring. Who wants to sit on a patio without a drink in one's hand? Watching college basketball isn't fun without a frosty beer. And while I have become a fan of non-alcoholic brews, it's just not the same.
So, I now declare summer my favorite season. No more students, paperwork and just "work" in general. While JT will technically be born in spring, we'll be out of school, so I declare it summer. Who doesn't love the season that his or her first born came into the world during? Mr. Soup loves baseball and while I'm not the biggest fan, I can become one if I have an ice cold beer. Hot patio? bring me a margarita and we can stay out all night. Fortunately, our neighbors just built a backyard oasis. we'll have many nights outside enjoying the summer fun watching the kids play (okay, so JT won't be playing yet, but you catch my drift). summer vacation. pool-time. all those things that make summer worthwhile. While I LOVE LOVE LOVE having JT grow inside me, I'm getting to the point where I'm ready for him to come out. I can't even say it's solely because I want to meet him. It's because I just don't want to be uncomfortable anymore and I really need some alcohol and sushi. Yeah, I'm selfish, but at least I can admit it.
so during this pregnancy madness, spring has been bumped to 2nd place. Summer, you are now my new favorite season. This concludes my ode to summer.

JT update

2011-04-07T22:31:00.004-05:00

So this week has been one for many JT/mama-to-be updates ---Last week I received the results of my glucose screening: No gestational diabetes! Woo-hoo! I don't have to take the 3 hour test, thank God! No syphilis (I know you all were worried!). I am slightly anemic, but I can aid that by taking an OTC iron pill each day with my prenatal vitamins. So, nothing major from last week. ---Yesterday I went to the doctor. All is well with JT. He's growing as he should each day. His movements are more frequent and boy are they stronger. I think he must roll around quite a bit because I swear, I feel an alien moving in there. Okay, not an alien, but when I see my belly move I am reminded of the movie Aliens. Is Joel going to shoot out of my belly? ---So, I went to the doctor and she harped on me about my swollen ankles. Apparently, some of my varicose veins are now visible and she's afraid they will burst. So, now I get to wear the lovely support stockings! Yeah, Sexy! They're incredibly hot (in the literal sense)...which brings me to my next pregnancy must-have purchase....Aveda Rosemary Mint body lotion. It really cools the skin like none other. When you're pregnant you are hot all the time. However, you still need to moisturize your skin. Aveda's lotion is light-weight, moisturizing, invigorating and cooling. Oh and did I mention it smells great? So, if you are pregnant or sweat profusely, invest in this lotion. So worth it! Okay, so that's my plug! ----One area in which my doctor has not harped on me is my weight gain and I think she needs to do that! I have now gained 25 pounds and I'm only 31 weeks. I was doing okay, but I have gained 5 pounds since my last visit. Eek! Fortunately, my best friend (who happens to be a doctor and new mom) told me I won't gain too much these next 9 weeks, but still. It's not like I can lose weight during pregnancy. I just need to manage it better. I didn't do a good job of picking healthy snacks the last two weeks. My appetite picked up and I would eat whatever I could find. This weekend it's back to more health conscious shopping. It's also hard when your handsome husband has successfully dropped 12 pounds in the last month and counting. I am very proud of him because I know he wants to be in shape for when JT arrives, but it's weird that we could weigh the same amount in 10 weeks if he keeps this weight loss up!!!! He promised to help me lose the baby weight after JT arrives and I'm holding him to it. Oh and just to brag on him a little bit---he cleaned out the garage this weekend and did some repairs around the house! He's nesting! ---Last night I attended a breastfeeding class. Boy was that interesting. First, it's weird to see other people's boobs. No we didn't expose ourselves in class (some women brought their husbands), but we did watch a 20 minute video full of breasts in all shapes, sizes and colors. I guess since I'm used to seeing only my boobs, it was interesting to see how other women's boobs look. Does that make me weird? One thing that seems like a blessing when you are first pregnant is the increase in boob-size. I've always had sort of average boobs, but pregnancy has made them huge. Last night I learned that they will get even bigger when I feed. I almost fainted when I heard that. I seriously cannot imagine having boobs bigger than what they are now. I no longer envy the girls with big boobs or fake ones. Underwire bras are now uncomfortable and boob-sweat is common. I can't believe that for the next year I'm going to look like a porn star in almost every shirt I wear.... ---Tonight, Mr. Soup and I visited our first in-home daycare. I'm kind of still on a high from this visit, but we've scheduled some more in the next few weeks. This was/is our first choice because of the proximity and the alignment with our values and expectations. The in-home center is 4 houses down the street from us. It is operated by a mother/daughter team. They speak Spanish to the children and also teach basic sign language. When we went there, I had my list of 30+ questions to ask. By the time the tour was over, I think they had answered all but 2. I felt a good vibe from them and felt that my baby would be not only safe and well taken care of, but also loved. They are by far the most expensive provider we've contacted, but we would save a ton because they provide diapers and wipes...oh and we wouldn't spend money on gas. Visiting their home showed me how much daycare has changed since I was a child....no sitting in front of the TV all day. They have days jam-packed with activities. It just seemed like a very active and nurturing environment. While our goal is not to have JT in daycare all day (we're really hoping Mr. Soup gets licensed as a social worker and will have more flexibility with his job), we still want him to go to daycare at least part-time. We still have some other in homes to visit though. We both feel strongly that he needs socialization, routine, etc. There are some downsides to the daycare...they don't offer part-time hours or drop-in hours. Another bummer is that during the summer we would have to pay full-price to hold our spot. If we end up going with this daycare, it means no new car for me for a while. I'm actually okay with it because even though my car is small, it's in great condition. I can easily fit a carseat into it and it is a very safe car. I wasn't really sold on getting a mini-van. I tried to tell myself that I was, but I kept fantasizing about 7 passenger SUVs. This way we can either save more for an SUV or wait until I'm fully ready to make the dive into becoming a minivan mom. Plus, maybe having a smaller car will be good birth control? Mr. Soup is already convinced that I'm going to want another little one soon...I can honestly say that is not true. I think it's going to be difficult enough to balance my new role as mother with all my other roles. I honestly just want to spoil JT with love and attention all the time, but I know I can't do that. I know in order to be a good mom, I've got to make time for myself, my marriage, my dogs, my family, my friends, traveling, etc. Who knows maybe I will want another one soon. for right now I just want semi-spoil him (okay, who am I kidding? I'm going spoil him with so much attention. He'll never learn to walk because he'll be in my arms!). So, that's it for JT updates. This weekend, Mr. Soup and I are doing a date night (finally) except we changed it to Sunday...why? I'm BABYSITTING! I'm babysitting my best friend's 2 (almost 3) year old daughter on Saturday! I'm pretty excited! So, Mr. Soup and I are going to church on Sunday, then to lunch with the TNT (twenties n' thirties) group and then dinner and a movie Sunday night. Should be fun. He and his brother are going to the Dallas car convention on Saturday. He's trying to get in his boys' time before JT arrives. Fun times in the Soup house!

My Little Man

2011-03-27T22:44:00.003-05:00

This weekend, Mr. Soup and I did the whole 3D/4D sonogram. It was kind of a last minute decision. At first, we weren't going to do it, but then we found a place having a spring sale. We really couldn't pass on the low cost. Plus, who doesn't want to see her son one more time before he arrives?
I had already gone to the doctor this week, so I knew he was doing pretty well. He's perfect in his size for how far along I am. His heart rate was perfect too. I'm awaiting the results of my glucose screening (gestational diabetes). Really hoping I don't have to do the 3-hour one! Also waiting on my 2nd Syphilis test. haha! No, but the state requires every mother to be tested for Syphilis twice during her pregnancy. At first, I was like WTF, but my doc said it was required. She said of all the people she's tested only one came back positive the 2nd time. That would've sucked!
So, yeah, the 3D/4D was totally worth it. At first I was a little skeptical because there are no refunds. We couldn't see JT very well because he likes to put his foot up by his head. He just likes to hold it near his face and occasionally put it in his mouth. In fact, he was asleep holding it next to his head. We tried and tried to wake him up, but he's a stubborn little guy. He finally moved long enough for us to see his little face. He is a cutie! I know I'm biased, but I just think he's going to be the cutest little boy. Heartbreaker!
The best part of the sono was finding out that he looks just like me! He has my nose and my lips. When I sent my dad the pics, he remarked at how much like me looks. I've attached my 1st baby picture so you can see the striking resemblance.
I just can't wait for him to get here. Did I mention JT already has a girlfriend? One of Mr. Soup's friends from grad school is an expectant father as well. His wife is a week behind me and they're expecting a little girl. We're already planning play dates, proms, weddings, etc. J/K sorta! The couple is interracial like us (he's white and his wife is Korean), so if our children did get married, we'd have some pretty cool-looking grandchildren!
Other updates:
one of my friends from college came to town, so a bunch of us Dallas Jayhawks got together twice this weekend. It's weird because we've all changed in so many ways, but we can still reminisce and have a great time. We went and watched the KU-Richmond game in Uptown Friday night and then barbecued last night. Lots of fun.
KU lost today to #11 seed VCU. I'm pretty much depressed about that. enough said
we're rethinking the minivan purchase....Kia has a new Sorento out and guess what....it has an optional 3rd row so it can seat 7! It's also in our price range! So I may not have to become a mini-van mom! However, I may not be able to get it in the fall like we thought. I'm thinking of taking some more time off to stay home with JT in the fall which means our income would be significantly smaller.
Mr. Soup has decided to sit for licensure exam. I'm so glad that he's doing it because this means that I can stay home longer. Right now we live pretty comfortably with his new job, but if he becomes a licensed social worker, he could pick up PRN shifts at any hospital which would almost double his income. I already planned to take off a few weeks in the fall, but now I can possibly take off a couple of months unpaid and we'd be okay. This would help tremendously because then we wouldn't have to put JT in daycare until he's almost 5 months. We'd have our routine down and I could breastfeed comfortably without having to pump as much. I just think the closer he gets to a year before officially entering the real world the better. Luckily, with Mr. Soup's current job he can be home some too, so JT won't have to spend 8 hours 5 days a week in day care anyways.
I'm really hoping and praying that:
-Mr. Soup passes the licensure exam (it's a beast! a lot of people fail the 1st time)
-The licensure exam is not on the same day as our childbirth class (we've already had to reschedule and I really don't want to go to it alone)
-he can get a PRN job at a hospital so that I can stay home a little longer
If none of this happens, we'll make it work. I don't doubt that JT would be okay going to daycare at 3 months. Some moms get less time at home. I'm extremely blessed that I get all this summer time with him and that my husband works a flexible job. I don't necessarily think that it matters which parent is home with the baby, and I don't think that daycare is bad for a baby. At this time, I just want to be able to spend as much time with him as possible and get him good and ready for the "real" world.

a strange call

2011-03-23T22:39:00.003-05:00

last night Mr. Soup got a call from my stepdaughter. this was odd because we've been battling to have more time/phone calls with her. Up until last night, we only spoke to her if she was at her grandmother's house. We had decided to let God take that situation into his own hands and so we backed off. We did this partly because we were so broken from the whole experience and partly because my stepdaughter expressed a desire to have one family. So we hadn't made attempts to call and stopped bombarding her with care packages. We still kept in touch with her teacher until her mother moved her to two new cities in a one-month time span. However, we always were there for her when she called and we always let her know that we loved her and that she could call us anytime for any reason.

Last night she called from her mom's house. She wanted our address to send me a baby card. She's really excited about getting a baby brother. She also wanted to tell Mr. Soup about how her parent-teacher conference went at her new school. She knows that we place a high importance on her academics. We've always been involved in that area with attending conferences and rewarding her for good report cards. I think most importantly, she wants her daddy to be proud.

It felt good to know that she does still see us as her family and that despite everything she can still call her daddy. Things will never be the way they once were and we're pretty adamant that they won't be. We have so much to look forward to now, that we can't look back on what could have been. Nor do we want to look back. She will always be part of our family in a different way than before. We have learned to accept that. We've let her define what family is to her and we have done the same as well. It feels good to say that I'm okay with that. I think in our absence a lot of healing took place in our hearts and in hers.

things you should not do/say to a pregnant woman

2011-03-23T22:08:00.003-05:00

I'm sure I will have more to add to this list, but I think I need to post this now to help everyone who is not pregnant:
1. do not touch her bellybutton (this goes mostly for my students...they think it's funny now that they can see my bellybutton)
2. do not talk about Happy Hour in earshot of a pregnant woman. today i was at my doctor's office and I could hear the office staff talking about drinking. I love the girls that work there, but I felt like they were bragging. LOL. Just remember a pregnant woman still has to go to work each day and at the end of a long week, we cannot partake in Happy Hour. Yes, we can still attend, but it's not the same. Luckily, I have replaced my weekly, relaxing glass of wine with reading a couple of chapters in a chick lit book (guilty pleasure...do not judge). And I actually don't mind the taste of non-alcoholic beer.
3. do not say things like, "awww!!! you're getting fat." or "look at how round your face is."
No, I'm not fat you a-hole! I'm knocked up! Yeah I put on 20 lbs in the last few months, but that's because I have a life inside of me. My ass isn't any bigger, it's my belly. My uterus is stretched beyond belief. One lady told me she stopped making fun of fat people after she got pregnant, because she understood what it was like to be hungry all the time. What? That is wrong on so many levels. 1. she made fun of fat people before getting pregnant and saw nothing wrong with it. 2. when you're pregnant you're not hungry all the time. sure you need more food, but it's not like you can never get full. 3. being pregnant and being obese are totally not the same.
4. Do not say,"Are you sure you should be doing that?" I am sure or else I wouldn't be doing it. I do have common sense. I'm not handicapped, just pregnant. I can still work-out, I can walk my dogs, I can bend over, I can open a 2 liter bottle of soda, etc. I'm not helpless, just pregnant. Let me do things here so that I can go home and complain to my husband and make him do all the work. That's my motive!
okay so here are some things you should say to a pregnant woman.
1. "your boobs look great!"
2. "I'm bringing you wine and sushi as soon as you give birth"
3. "Wow! you look so small. I can't believe you're _____ months."
4."Wow! I can't believe how strong you are. You must have the strength of a grown woman and a fetus."
Actually, I don't mind being pregnant at all, but there are days that I'm like, "really?" I find that instead of being annoyed by 75% of the world's population, I am annoyed by 99% of people I encounter. The only person who does not annoy me is....yep, you guessed it....JT! I look forward to Mr. Soup and I's nightly belly-time. Mr. Soup loves to push on my belly and feel JT kick/punch back. I love feeling him toss and turn too. I guess I can handle all the annoying people who have no tact when interacting with a pregnant woman if it means that I can experience all the joy that JT brings!

Nursery

2011-03-20T09:05:00.004-05:00

Most of the rooms in our house are white or beige. I guess that's the cardinal rule when selling a house. Paint it white or beige. I could not have my baby sleeping in a white room, but I wanted something that would be neutral enough that all Soup babies would like it. Since I'm the oldest child, I decided that the big sibling will get a new room each time there is a new baby. So, if/when there is a 2nd Soup baby, JT will get a new room. New paint, big kid furniture, the whole nine yards! The new baby will get his old room (maybe some new accessories). I figure this is the most economical thing to do and it will make the big sibling feel special! So, JT's nursery will forever be the Soup Nursery.
Yesterday, with the help of friends, JT's white walls turned into Aqua Waves! I absolutely love this room now. It is my new favorite room in the house. I can't wait for the beach them to come together! I've snapped some pictures of the room before and after painting. I also put a picture of some of the accessories (sea shell curtain ties, crib sheets made by my mama). Enjoy some during pictures! I will post more once his nursery is complete!
It's amazing how one little room can make you feel closer to being a mom. The room is so relaxing. I can picture myself in here with my little man. I think of all the memories our little family will have in that room.

Ancestry.com

2011-03-17T08:52:00.002-05:00

This is not a plug for Ancestry.com, but man is it cool! I joined originally because Mr. Soup wanted information on his grandfather. His race, ethnicity, and actual birth date are all in question. Back in those days, there were not accurate records on children who were adopted, let alone minorities in general.
I have hit the same brick wall with my dad's family. I have only been able to trace it back two generations. I even have quite a few names and dates, but not a lot of information. I did, however, see my grandfather's WWI draft card (yes, WWI....my grandfather was born in 1898 and he was in his 50's when my father was born) Very cool to see his signature on it! He was 19 at the time. I also saw the 1930 census record for FL where my grandmother was living with her parents. Very weird to see the word "NEGRO" written next to their names. A sign of the times, I guess.
I've come to the following conclusion: If you are any sort of minority, you will have trouble with ancestry.com I have Native American blood on both sides of my family and struggled to find accurate information. My maternal great-great-grandfather was adopted by a white family as a child, so I have no idea what his original last name was.
Despite this, I have found tons of information on certain sides of my mom's family. Just like I suspected we're that Euro white-trash mix (I say that lovingly)! Most of my family immigrated from England or Ireland with a sprinkling of folks from Scotland (although I'm still trying to figure out how we have a French last name in our family -- Boucher is French for butcher). They came by way of Canada (and some through the traditional Ellis Island) and settled in states like Michigan, Ohio, Iowa,etc. They eventually made their way to Kansas to farm the new land, as Kansas did not become a state until 1861. I'm still debating whether I want to sign up for the International version. I signed up for the national version, because I highly doubted that I would find that many people from Europe in my family. I was naive to think we just came from Kansas! I guess everyone comes from some place else, right?
Okay, so you all know that I'm a name-whore. I love, love, love classic names. I think most names today sound made-up. I fell in love with some of the names from both sides of my family. I wonder why people go to the trouble of finding yoo-neek (this is my term for people who give their kids not only made-up names, but ridiculous spellings), when we have such beautiful classic names. I don't care what the background is--Irish (Gaelic), English, African, Hawaiian, Arabic--there are beautiful, classic names within each culture (soapbox). I thought I'd share some of my family's names. Most people did not have middle names, but double first names were common then.
Katie Belle (usually I'm not a fan of Katie as a stand alone name --I prefer Katherine or Kathleen--but I thought this name was too cute!! Love the name Belle)
Henry
Lawrence
Julia Eva
Eliza
Jonathan
Thomas

Even though I don't have as much information as I want to pass down to Abby and JT, I still got some valuable information and a sense of pride. When I get frustrated with a student whose parents' don't speak English, I'll think about my ancestors who risked it all to immigrate here. Somehow they made it and our growing family tree with descendants who continue to accomplish so much is proof. Hopefully, this current generation will make it too.
In honor of my Irish heritage (explains why my hair turns red in the summer), Happy St.Patrick's Day! Drink some green beer for me!

Spring Break 2011

2011-03-13T14:15:00.003-05:00

This is the first spring break that I have been in Dallas since moving here in 2005. Well, I take that back. I was here part of spring break in 2008 and all of it in 2009. However, I was getting married in 2009, so it didn't feel like I was really "here." Ironically my spring breaks prior to moving to Dallas were, in fact, spent in Texas. Crazy, huh?
Let's recall:
March 2004 Padre, TX (crazy times. college spring break locale. need I say more?)
March 2005 Dallas, TX (visiting friends and looking for a job)
March 2006 Wichita, Lawrence, and KC (spent part of it with my parents and part of it with my brother in Lawrence. I crashed on his couch and partied from sun up to sun down like I was in college again. don't know how I survived. Also visited friends in KC)
March 2007 Wichita, KS visited family
March 2008 Atlanta, GA and Dallas, TX (my friend Christina and I went to visit our friend Himee who was living in Atlanta at the time. Abby came to spend spring break in Dallas with us.)
March 2009 Dallas, TX we got married! Friends and family started arriving a week before we got married, so we were pretty busy.
March 2010 Gulf of Mexico- our one year anniversary cruise
So what's in store for Spring Break 2011? Mr. Soup and I had planned to take a babymoon/2nd anniversary trip to KC. However, then we decided to make it a staycation here in Dallas. Then we found out that Mr. Soup was to be inducted in the South Jersey Coaches Hall of Fame, so it threw everything for a loop. This would also have been the first year we could've attended the St. Patrick's Day Parade in Dallas. It's basically a drunken Irish fest, but one that would've been fun to attend! However, Mama Soup is not drinking while pregnant!
While we could go next year, I think our priorities will have changed by then. Plus, I'm really hoping that we can take JT to the beach for the first time next year. I'm hoping we can make it a JT's first beach/3rd anniversary trip. I know it seems weird bringing your baby on an anniversary trip, but I can't imagine leaving him with someone for that long (I'm already getting nervous about leaving him with his own father when I go on a girls' trip next spring...trying to convince myself not to back out). Plus, I think it can still be a romantic trip and a new experience for my little boy. So keep your fingers crossed that nothing pops up over spring break 2012, so that we can take our first official family vacation!
Okay, so what's in store for spring break 2011? lots of relaxing. I'll be able to watch endless hours of NCAA basketball (I'm watching Bracketology as I type this). I'll get caught up on my grading. I plan to sleep, clean, exercise, and hang out with friends. Oh and get JT's nursery ready for him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (my favorite part of this spring break!) My least favorite part is that my husband has to work and that he's leaving next Friday for New Jersey. He will come back on Monday (our 2 year anniversary). I'll miss him dearly, but I'm excited for him! I know he'll have a great time and I'll get by without him. He's nervous to leave because his friend from grad school's wife went into labor at 25 weeks last week. Fortunately, they were able to keep baby inside. The whole situation has been weighing on Mr. Soup's mind lately. While I feel great, it would be hard to go through that without him here. I pray that everything goes smoothly while he's gone.
so that's our spring break 2011! funny how a baby changes everything. I can't say that I'm not excited by it! I love how JT has changed our lives and he's not even here yet!

you know what I love hearing?

2011-03-11T17:15:00.003-06:00

"You don't look like you're almost 7 months pregnant!"
"You're so small. You must be carrying a girl."
Thank you for that. I went to a meeting today at my part-time job. I rarely see these people even though they're my co-workers in a sense. It felt really good to hear those compliments. Lately, I've felt like the Goodyear blimp. I can still tie my shoes and function like a regular human being, but it is so weird to see a belly where a flat stomach and abs once resided. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful that my little man is growing, but it's nice to hear that I'm not as huge as I think! Part of me thinks they're just lying to me though...

I love my boy

2011-03-09T20:17:00.002-06:00

Okay, so I just had to have another post where I shout how much I love my baby boy. I just woke up from a nap and I'm looking at my little (yeah, right) belly in awe! I can't believe my little guy is in there. I must be the luckiest woman in the world. okay that is all.

good-bye strappy sandals

2011-03-09T17:14:00.004-06:00

So, yesterday my back was killing me. This is probably because we gave a simulation test for three hours. I basically sat at my desk while the kids tested. I'm pretty sure that's what did it. I also still wear my strappy sandals. To be honest, they are not uncomfortable. When I wear them, my feet don't hurt at all. At the end of the day though my feet are huge. So, I guess it is time to retire them for a while. Today I wore my Nike sandals and I feel a lot better. My feet are also a normal size.
Ever since I got pregnant, I've been in such a weird fashion mood. I care more about what I look like and I've put extra care into perfecting my wardrobe. Lucky for me I didn't spend a fortune on maternity clothes (not even $200), but I felt this sudden sense of pride in my appearance. I started taking extra time to put on my make-up, curl my hair, and pick out clothes. You'd think I'd wear ponytails everyday, but nope! It's weird how being a mom-to-be has changed me into a fashionista! Usually it's the opposite!
I guess being in love does that to you? I remember when I first met Mr. Soup, I dropped 20 lbs. He didn't recognize me the next time he saw me (we had a long distance relationship). I think the same can be applied to being a mom. I'm so proud to be JT's mom and I want him to be proud of me as well. I'm always finding ways to show off my bump and still look my best.
so good-bye strappy sandals....I'll see you in June!
having a baby has also helped me reevaluate my career goals. Mr. Soup is really encouraging me to look into starting my own business and I really just need to stop being a pansy and do it. I also want to pat myself on the back because I always wanted to teach at a community college and I'm now doing it. I love it almost as much as I love teaching junior high. why? because I have total curricular freedom! It's so freeing to be able to teach what I want to teach. I also love the flexibility of teaching at a community college. As I prepare to become a mom, I'm really appreciating that. If I have a doctor's appointment at the junior high I have to take a day or find someone to cover my class. I can't stand to think of what it will be like when JT has Halloween parties and other events. I can't miss those! So, yeah I'm not going to be a SAHM, but I am trying to put the pieces together to become a WAHM or at least part-time WAHM and part-time community college professor. This website has given me lots of inspiration WAHM
It's funny how pregnancy changes someone. Fashionista, Entrepeneur, College professor! I like the new Mrs. Soup....ahem....Mama Soup! I'm totally welcoming the revamping of me!

hair update and my baby is so smart!

2011-03-06T08:36:00.003-06:00

so, I caved in last night and relaxed my hair. yep, no more frizzy roots for me. to be honest my curly hair had become pretty unmanageable. I would comb it each and every day and my roots would still be knotted or frizzy. Even straightening my hair with a flat iron didn't work because the knots were so bad. I tried using an olive oil concoction that I made. It softened my curls, but in a few days I was back to knots. I do feel somewhat defeated, but not really. I know you're not supposed to relax your hair while pregnant, but I bought a mild, all-natural kind of relaxer and made sure the bathroom was fully ventilated. I do not think I could've gone to a salon because of all the fumes, so doing it at home worked best. In addition, most doctors say that one can return to dyeing and using other chemical processes on one's hair once she hits the second trimester, so I feel pretty safe about it. Plus JT is kicking and moving around as I type this. So, he hasn't been harmed. Plus, I wanted to do it now when my hair is strong from all the prenatal vitamins and junk. Once JT arrives my hair will be depleted of nourishment.
So, what did I discover in my 7 months of having chemical-free hair?
1. I do not need to relax my hair every six weeks. While my roots weren't straight like they are now, they were manageable for a good four months. So, I propose relaxing my hair once every season.
2. my hair grew really fast. this could be because of the prenatal vitamins, but I think a large part of it has to do with not being exposed to chemicals every month and limiting the amount of heat I put on my hair. My hair is down my back now. It's never been that long before.
3. i can have relaxed hair and still wear it curly. most people with curly hair have rather tame roots and a curly shaft. my situation was the opposite. I can still make my shaft curly with my Mixed Chicks products, but I need something to keep my roots wavy/smooth
4. it's okay to use chemicals on your hair. I really wanted to be this earthy, crunchy granola mama (I still do). I think it's okay to admit that my hair is not going to be tame without some sort of chemical on it. Just like eventually, I will have to dye my hair (I haven't seen a grey hair yet, but I don't doubt that motherhood will cause them arrive)

okay, so now onto my baby. did you know that June is the month for smart babies to be born? Mr. Soup really wants our baby to be born in May. I sort of do to, but that's just for work reasons. I'd rather start my maternity leave early than take time off in the fall. That's another story though. However, more kids with high IQs were born in June. I believe this to be true because--
1. JT only kicks or moves around a bunch when I'm not at work. It's like he knows I have to deal with crazy kids and is saying, "don't worry, mama. I'll just sleep." okay so maybe it's just because that's when he wants to do some of his 12-14 hours of sleeping. In my book it's genius.
2. he knows who we are! well, he knows who his daddy is. he doesn't really respond to my voice, but let Mr. Soup talk to my belly or even just walk into the room and have a normal conversation with me, and JT goes crazy!! He starts kicking and moving. He gets so excited to hear his daddy. I think it's something about Mr. Soup's deep voice. I hope that's the case because I really can't stand to think of us talking in high-pitched baby talk. *shudders*
other updates:
-painting JT's nursery 3/19. We've got so much stuff for his nursery! I can't wait to post pictures. It's going to be so cute! i'm having a painting party with my girls while Mr. Soup is out of town.
-the next couple of months will be devoted to JT. birthing classes, infant safety classes, breastfeeding classes, breast-pumping classes, etc are all on the calendar. we're trying to throw in some fun things for us as well.
-we've narrowed down our new car choices to Honda Odyssey (most expensive, but best mini-van on the market), Toyota Sienna, and Mazda 5.
-we've completed a sibling set of names. not sure why we feel the need to have a sibling set completed, especially since we don't know if we'll have more kids after JT (I know, I know...how could you say that, Mrs. Soup? right now I can't imagine loving another kiddo as much as I love JT. I know that will change, but right now that's how I feel) and we probably won't be having 4 kids! I've posted our names before, but now we have a second girl choice. we didn't notice this trend, but all our potential kids' names have four letters. that helped us narrow down a 2nd girls' name.
Joel Tariq - our first boy. Joel in honor of his grandfather and deceased uncle. Tariq means Morning Star in Arabic.
Adam Le0 - Adam and Joel seem like siblings and Leo is in honor of his maternal grandfather and uncle (both their middle names are Leo)
Lena/Lina Elise - LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this name! I better have one freaking' girl!
Skye Francesca - we both love Skye for a girl and Francesca is in honor of Mr. Soup's deceased grandmother Frances. I know there are no girl names from my side of the family in this set, but there is literally nothing I would consider using. nothing at all. I know Skye is not a classic name, but it is actually a name and it's simple. I think pairing it with a classic girly name like Francesca makes it work well. The spelling is unique without be yoo-neek (see my previous posts on purposely misspelled name)

thoughts at 6 and a half months

2011-03-01T18:37:00.002-06:00

Most days I wake up and think to myself, "what the hell am I doing?" I seriously wonder sometimes if I am fit enough to be a mother. I also wonder if it is the right thing to bring a child into this effed up world. While I am happiest I've been and I feel nothing but love for JT, I still wonder if I am doing the right thing. A little late for that, right? Growing up I did have a desire to become a mom, but most days that was quelled by what seems now to be selfish desires. And while I'm thankful to have "grown up," I still have those nagging questions. Will I be a good mom? Are we financially secure? Is this world safe enough for my baby?
This week and others has really helped me to feel better about this world. So many people have given us so many things, that we hardly have to buy anything brand new for JT. I get excited thinking about the stories behind each and every item we have for him. My mom and dad have used their funds and talents to furnish his nursery and provide essentials such as a carseat, stroller and high chair. My mom has made his crib sheets and is making his curtains. Our neighbor generously gave us her son's old clothes. Not only that, but countless people have volunteered babysitting services. I've kept track of all that we have received:
-maternity clothes
-breast pump (awesome, right?)
-crib
-pack n' play
-crib sheets
-curtain tie backs
-baby boy clothes
-stroller
-car seat
-high chair
-toys
-babysitting services
maybe this is a sign that I am ready to be a mom? people believe in me? people believe in us as potential parents. the generosity overwhelming. I feel like people are genuinely excited for JT and excited for Mr. Soup and I as we embark on this journey. I feel that even though Mr. Soup and I are far from family, JT will be surrounded by love. love from our family here in Texas which consists of friends and neighbors. I feel good about the world in which we are bringing JT.
While I absolutely love being pregnant (minus the weight gain and pre-teen acne), I am ready to welcome our little man into the world. I want to hold him in my arms. I want to share him with this great world in which we live.

Soups 2011

2011-02-27T10:23:00.002-06:00

who are the soups? when I started this blog we were two very different people than we are today. now as we prepare to welcome JT into our lives, i reflect on the way we were. last night Mr. Soup and I were watching a movie and I go, "aren't you glad we've had two years to ourselves before a baby arrives? What if we would've gotten pregnant right after we got married?" he goes, "I would've been thrilled. Plus, kid or no kid. I'ma do me and we're gonna do us." Cute, right? well sorta. I love the idea that no matter what Mr. Soup and I will continue to enjoy our lives and our marriage. I never want to be a hover mom and I never want to be so consumed with JT's life that I forget about myself. Plus, Mr. Soup won't let me. Sure we won't be able to get a babysitter every single weekend, but we will make it priority to have date nights, dinner with friends, girls' weekends and guys' weekends. Fortunately for us, so many people have already volunteered their babysitting services. We are so lucky!
Mr. Soup is sort of a slob and he's proud of it. So when he says, "I'ma do me." he probably means he will continue to be a slob. I was kinda hoping he'd give that up for JT. I guess I have 3 months to break that habit.
So, yeah who were we in 2009? Who are we now? Well, in 2009 Mr. Soup and I were both in school. I was getting my 2nd master's in administration and he was getting his 2nd bachelor's in social work. I was teaching 7th grade Language Arts. I was coming off the high of planning a wedding. I loved paper crafts and still do. We both loved to have people over for dinner and we loved dinner dates with just ourselves and/or friends. Besides summers with my stepdaughter, our only parenting experience came from loving our two spoiled dogs!
Who are we now? Well, we're both heavier than we were in 2009. I'd like to say all my weight comes from JT, but I hadn't shed the marriage/love weight before I got pregnant. I've gained 15 lbs since getting pregnant and I know I have gained more than that since 2009. Mr. Soup's weight goes up and down. He lost five lbs. just last week just by cutting carbs. I'd be lucky if I lose a pound and a half from cutting carbs.
I finished my 2nd master's, but have no plans to become an administrator (not like I'd be able to find a job anyways with budget cuts). I continue to teach 7th grade Language Arts, but I also teach a writing class once a week at a community college. Mr. Soup finished his 2nd bachelor's and his master's degree. He will start his new job next week and hopes to sit for the LMSW exam this spring/summer.
I still love paper crafts, but I've sort of replaced that desire with finding old furniture and putting it in our home. oh, yes, we're homeowners now. we found a cute, old home that is perfect for our growing family. We still love to hang out with friends, but I am now the sober one. Our dogs are still really spoiled. Some of our weekend dates take place at establishments like Babies R Us and Buy Buy Baby.
So, here we are Soups 2011. I leave you with a JT update. He has learned to take his fist across my belly and to kick and hold his foot out. So cute!

Who will JT look like?

2011-02-21T19:41:00.005-06:00

So, from his 5 month sono we've determined he has...
daddy's legs and feet
daddy's head
mommy's nose
daddy's lips
mommy's fingers
mommy's ears
Mr. Soup and I resemble each other quite a bit, so I imagine that it will be hard to distinguish all the features; however, I think he'll look more like Mr. Soup than me and I'm fine with that. Abby looks more like Mr. Soup than her mom. I have my heart set on a little baby that somewhat resembles my family though. the one thing I do not want to pass down to JT was my jaw, but we won't be able to tell if he inherited that until he's older. It's a dominant trait in my family. I get most of my traits from my mom's family (eye shape, nose, think lips, and jaw) and our jaw is one of them. My grandfather, great-aunts, mother, brother and I all have some form of the Parks underbite. Luckily, Ryan (my brother) and I had ours corrected. I'm hoping JT won't have to endure the dental, orthodontic and surgical work that we had done. And Mr. Soup? Well, his family has soft teeth. We're both hoping JT doesn't inherit that. Despite all our concerns, and no matter what he inherits, he'll be a beautiful baby! So, I leave you with a picture of Mr. Soup at 6 months. It will be interesting to see what JT looks like at six months. maybe I'll set up a similar picture!
oh and on another note: Mr. Soup got the job he wanted! Woo-hoo! We'll be able to eat once JT arrives!

and I'm still bitter....

2011-02-18T21:53:00.002-06:00

I'll start off light and end heavy...today was the hottest day in February I've ever experienced. Of course, the A/C is not on at work and my kids were crazy! We did an interactive activity where they got to work in groups. We work in groups quite often (probably twice a week, if not more) and they acted like this was the first time that I let them do that. So, here I am 6 months pregnant, sweating and almost yelling at my kids. Not a good sight. I'm sure JT was like, "mom, calm down." This was one of those days where I wish I could sit on a patio somewhere and enjoy an ice cold brew. This whole week, I've wanted to unwind with a nice glass of wine and I cannot. This week has just been hectic and I'm so glad it's coming to an end. I can't wait until June is here...I'll have my beer, wine, sushi and my baby boy! Life will be perfect. And honestly, feeling my little man kick and grow this week comforted me in so many ways. I just feel good knowing that he's growing properly in there and getting comfortable (not too comfortable) in his little home!
Oh, JT. How I wish you would turn over. He's kicking now more than ever which I love, but it's on my bladder. I swore he turned over last week because I felt the kicks in my ribs, but this week they're back to being bladder kicks. He's also learned to kick outward (like in a sitting motion) and to use his little elbows and hands. I think he's just stretching, but I like to picture my little Rocky in there boxing in my uterus.
Okay, so I do not do well with change. Even when Barack O coined the term "change" I was reluctant and I probably had good reason to be. I digress. Okay, so I'm going to post some links to headlines that have made me cringe this week. Most of them have to do with changes happening in TX and one has to do with something that happened in my hometown (not my high school though).
North Texas educators alarmed by budget cuts
Senate OKs rule requiring sonogram before abortion
US House votes to defund Planned Parenthood
Kansas High School News says it's moral to execute gays
This is the world in which we live. I'm trying not to freak out about the budget cuts because I do feel my position is secure. However, I do worry about the working conditions. Larger class sizes and less funding are not my idea of a proper work condition for a teacher that wants to truly make a difference. I am fortunate enough that if things get too tough I can leave. I'm so glad that I have my part-time gig at the community college where I can add or subtract as many classes as I want. I'm also thinking of launching an at-home business in 2012 (don't worry it's not Mary Kay or anything I would have to sell), but I want to keep that under wraps for a while.
Defunding Planned Parenthood scares me. We're already cutting funding from schools so kids will be less educated and now that we're cutting funding to a program that educates all people on reproduction and safe sex, we'll have more people getting pregnant. And don't even get me started on the sonogram. I don't think my brain can fully grasp the outcome of this bill...
And finally, good ol' Kansas. I love how those good ol' values of execution and hatred come up. I love my state, but come on. Is this really the Christian way? Doesn't Jesus love everyone and feel that every person is a blessing? Didn't God make us in his image? Those were the Kansas Christian values with which I was raised.
So, I leave you with my frustrations once again. I do apologize...

Anthropologie Wedding

2011-02-15T21:41:00.003-06:00

I wish this would've been around when I was planning our wedding. I absolutely love Anthropologie. One of my favorite stores! They now have their own bridal line: BHLDN

Still bitter

2011-02-11T21:42:00.003-06:00

Since I'm pregnant, I feel like I can be bitter about some things. I deserve to vent a little, right? I don't mean to sound unappreciative, because I'm not. I have a wonderful life. Caring, devoted husband. beautiful home. 2 gorgeous dogs and did I mention a PERFECT baby boy on the way? so why am I down in the dumps? like most Americans....the economy.
I planned to stay at my job for one more year. My reasoning? I didn't want to start a whole new routine once JT arrives. I just want to be comfortable at my job, so that I can fully adjust to becoming a working mom. However, I really want to be able to work full-time/part-time and still attend his events and be part of his day as he gets older. I've never desired to be a stay at home mom and I probably never will, but I want to be able to be part of my child's school day like my mom was with ours. I know I'll miss major milestones his first year working full-time, but I can make it a priority when he's older to find a more flexible job. So, the plan has been stay at current job for the 2011-12 school year and then switch to a more flexible or part-time job once he's one.
However, all these budget cuts have got me stressed out. Thank you, Gov. Rick Perry! I thought he was all about balancing our budget, but lo and behold we have to cut a % of the budget from where? EDUCATION. Dallas ISD plans to cut 2900 staff (teachers and counselors included). My school district may issue a salary freeze (some have even said that they may issue a salary decrease). Grand Prairie ISD is cutting all library media specialists positions. It's just craziness. You know who suffers the most? the kids. I can't help but worry about what type of school JT will attend in the future. We moved into a "good" neighborhood so that our children would get the best education. However, the fate of public education is unknown. We've discussed private school as an option, but never thought it might become the necessity!
So, it all has me wondering if I should start looking for something else? When I entered the field of education, I felt secure that I would always have a job and a paycheck. Everyone needs to be educated, right? Apparently not in Texas. We're creating a society that places little value on education. Students already idolize the stars of Jersey Shore and Real Housewives more than scientists and other scholars. As Texas (and our nation, for that matter) continues to sink on the totem pole in success in mathematics and science, other countries rise to the occasion. we're content creating cooks and not working to create chefs. If students see that policymakers think education is unimportant, then what's to stop them from choosing a life of crime? It's a sad state in education.
The economy is still hitting my little family hard. It's been almost two months since Mr. Soup graduated with his master's and he still can't find a new job. He's filled out countless applications, been on 2 interviews and one callback. I know he's feeling the pressure too. Just like me, he never envisioned that he wouldn't be able to find a job in social services. I know his worries include, "how will I support my family?" and "why doesn't anyone want to hire me?"
the one thing that keeps us sane is JT. I feel him kicking around in there right now as I type and I think of what a little blessing he is. Mr. Soup and I decided to start our family last spring and when we didn't get pregnant right away, we were really depressed. I started resenting my friends who got pregnant one month after trying. I really went into a dark place and it didn't help when Abby was ripped from us. I really began to hate her mother because I felt she got to reap all the benefits of being a mom, but didn't really take her role seriously. I started to feel that way about a lot of moms and I started judging who was "fit" in my eyes to be a mom. I really started to become a different person. I just wanted God to tell us if we were going to be a childless couple or not. However, just when we were about to give up on becoming parents, we got word of JT (after some false negatives). And while being pregnant is not a cure-all for all my problems (let's face it, I can still be a judgmental bitch sometimes), it does fill me with joy to know that my little man is in there growing and exploring. As we approach viability, I am excited for each week that he's in my belly and look forward to delivering him (close to full term!). I know people laugh when I say he's perfect, but to me he is. I know he'll do stuff to piss me off, but he truly is a symbol of the love his father and I have for each other. I can't wait to hold him!
I guess in a way I'm still bitter about quite a few things, but mostly because I worry. I do worry about the world I'm bringing my son into, but I'm hopeful that we'll raise him to be an agent of change. Mr. Soup and I will do our best to make sure he gets a great education no matter what happens here in TX. And even though things suck with both of our careers, we'll figure out a way to weather the storm. Maybe, just maybe I'll be less bitter...

23 weeks

2011-02-11T06:14:00.001-06:00

23 weeks and counting. Notice a big difference from week 22 and week 23? yeah, me too! JT is supposed to be the size of a papaya. He definitely feels bigger than one. JT is supposed to sleep 12-14 hours a day. I think he sleeps maybe 4 hours. He's a ball full of energy!

22 weeks

2011-02-04T11:49:00.002-06:00

my little man is growing so fast! I'm thankful that I'm all belly. I've gained about 9 lbs. total and it's all in my boobs (thanks) and belly! My face is a little chubbier, but that's to be expected, right?
JT and I are enjoying all the snow days. I feel like I'm able to get caught up on rest and eating for two! Although, I fear my pantry is going to be empty soon!

Wedding Wednesday

2011-02-01T13:37:00.005-06:00

I'm stealing this idea because I saw it on a friend's blog. My love of all things wedding has not diminished or quelled. So why not embrace it? With spring and summer just around the corner, I want to highlight unique weddings I see and offer my advice as someone who has been married almost 2 years! It feels amazing saying that!
1st piece of advice - make your wedding unique. a country club or venue overlooking a lake or garden was not our idea of our dream wedding. We wanted something lofty, urban and and a place that represented the city. I didn't want industrial or rustic; I wanted some elegance and softness. Having our wedding in a loft isn't unique, but it was to us and our families. Most of the weddings we have attended have been church weddings followed by a reception at a country club, hotel, or church basement. To us the loft was perfect and symbolized our love, as we met in Dallas!
Don't be afraid to add personal touches. We included lots of homemade items such as our guest book quilt, handmade soap favors, homemade wedding dress, bouquet arrangements , homemade invitations, programs, menus, etc. They took extra time (which is why we had a year and half long engagement), but they were fun to make. We also saved a ton of money! They were also things that were important to us and represented us as a couple. Many of the things now adorn our new home.
think of your guests - everything we did we had the guest in mind. we had our wedding in one location because both Mr. Soup and I hate going to weddings where you have to travel to a separate reception venue that is super far from the ceremony site. We had tons of good, comfort food because we hate going to weddings with not enough food and weird food that nobody likes. we had lots of alcohol because, let's face it, most people go to weddings for the free booze. Think about the things you like at a wedding? For me it's the food and drinks. I also like convenience, especially if I'm an out-of-town guest. Remember, your guests are driving/flying to your city, possibly staying in a hotel and/or renting a car, buying you a gift, and giving up their day to spend it with you. Treat them right!
cut costs where you can - I already stressed the importance of DIYing your wedding, but really sit down and scrutinize what you need and don't need (in fact no one NEEDS a wedding, but you get my drift). Really determine what is important to you as a couple. For example, Mr. Soup and I easily could've rented out a community center or park for under $500 and had a great wedding. However, our downtown location was very important to us. It was a splurge, but it was something I don't regret (and we didn't go in debt for it). We probably could've gone without a DJ, but my mom really wanted to ensure that she got to dance to Akon over and over. We could've just hooked up an iPod to speakers or just had an afternoon reception without dancing (which would've cut our catering and alcohol bill down a lot). We were very lucky that our parents contributed to the wedding financially, but I think if they hadn't we still could've had a lovely, elegant wedding within our budget.
research - I cannot stress enough how much one needs to research and ask for referrals. For example, I was at the dentist and just happened to mention I was getting married and found out that my dental hygienist made wedding cakes out of her home. my former co-worker played the harp. Both of them were available at a lower cost than what we anticipated spending. We really wanted to have our wedding catered with good food. So many caterers wanted to charge us an arm and a leg for a heavy hors d'ourves meal (plus they wanted to charge us $40 just to taste the food). We met with a local restaurant and for half the price we received a full buffet meal plus appetizers. They also served the alcohol (which we bought in bulk at a discount liquor store) and provided the mixers. Every time we met with them to go over food pricing, they would feed us or send us home with food. I know hotel weddings can be expensive, but the hotel at which we had our room block was perfect for our rehearsal dinner and less expensive than most places we had looked. Plus, it was convenient for our 35 wedding party guests and relatives. We were so lucky to find all these great vendors for our wedding. How did we find them? Well obviously some fell into our hands. I also went online and read reviews of everything I could. I asked local girls on the Knot website. I asked for teacher discounts and college-student discounts. If I couldn't afford it, I made it or borrowed it or had my mom make it.
I had a lot of fun planning our wedding because it truly was a representation of Mr. Soup and I as a couple. I realize not every girl is like this, but for me our wedding day is something I wouldn't trade for the world.
So, next Wednesday (or the next Wednesday that I update this blog) I plan to post some cool weddings I see (budget friendly, of course). However, today I want to add a link to this website. Budget Savvy Bride. She offers tons of advice on how to have the wedding of your dreams on any budget. There is also a section for real weddings. you can search by locations or by cost (anywhere from $1000 to $20000 and above). I love reading the ones that come under budget. Mr. Soup and I came under our budget by about $2000! We were very proud of that!
Here's our wedding breakdown. We alloted $15,000 and spent around $13000, but honestly, I think we could've done it for $7,000. I also realize the term budget-wedding is subjective. I realize that $13,000 could be a dream wedding for some or not enough to others. For us, it was perfect. I don't post this on here nor to have someone throw me a pity party. I post it so that it's possible to have a wedding with any budget! So, if you have pics of your wedding and want to share how you were able to have your dream wedding, what made it unique and advice, let me know and I'll post it here!
$13250 breakdown
Venue $4500 (we got $500 off with teacher discount)
Catering $2600 (120 guests, appetizers, buffet dinner, bartending, cake-cutting,etc.)
Alcohol $700
Photographer $1200
DJ $750
Harpist $200
Officiant $250
Flowers, decor $200
Paper $300
Wedding Bands $800 (platinum bands from Sam's Club)
Gifts $200
Wedding Dress $350 (for fabrics, etc.)
Rehearsal Dinner $1000
Misc. items (flower girl dress, ribbon, veil, other crafts) $200
total = $13250
We received about $7000 in financial gifts from our parents, so we ended up coming up with $6000 on our own. I didn't include our honeymoon because we took it a year later and I think my hubby spent about $1200 on that.

Mini-van Mom

2011-02-01T11:56:00.004-06:00

So, each day I can feel the coolness seeping out of my body. I totally embrace it. Why? Because I'm going to become a mom. Moms are not cool. No matter what type of mom you are, you're not cool. Soccer-mom, working mom, MILF, etc. NOT COOL. I know because my mom just became cool a few years ago. Now don't get me wrong, she did lots of cool things over the years (she let me pierce my ears, took me to fun concerts, etc.), but she was a mom. She also did some things that were cool to her, but no one else (shop, visit craft shows, etc.) Mr. Soup and I are fully embracing losing our coolness, so much so that we're seriously considering buying a mini-van. We're thinking this fall, because in between the doctor's bills and new baby stuff, we haven't been able to save really. Plus, we want to try to buy one cash or put down a lot of cash so that our payments are low and short. So yeah, why a minivan and not some cool crossover SUV? Price and Function. A brand new or used 7 passenger SUV would cost us around $40,000. A 7 or 8 passenger mini-van between $20-30,000. My dogs can easily move around in a mini-van without injuring or killing my baby. I will be able to get my baby out of the car seat easily. I will be able to take furniture and clothes shopping to a whole new level. Mr. Soup is more excited about the mini-van than I am. I think he'll drive it more than me! ha! Honda Odyssey is our top choice!
Yeah, so I never really envisioned myself as a minivan mom, but I think it fits. I will be one of those moms who teaches her child rap verses instead of nursery rhymes. My child will probably wear a number of inappropriate onesies (already the proud owner of a kelly green"Pimpin' Ain't Easy" onesie). I will be the mom who invites over her friends for dinner and girly drinks so that they can embarrass JT with hugs and kisses. All these things will be totally uncool to my kid, just as driving a minivan is uncool to most Americans. I embrace it.
I try to picture myself as a mom, but I also keep trying to imagine what type of baby, kid, teen and adult JT will be. Will he learn to crawl and walk early like his dad and sister did? Will he be a dare-devil who isn't afraid to try new things? Will he love to read and write like his mama? Will he be scared of Sam and Maya or will he cuddle with them as we do? What will he study in college? Will he go to college (he better!)? All these things and more I get to learn over the next lifetime with my baby boy! I will also drive him around in a minivan while I learn it!

JT's first movie!

2011-01-28T22:40:00.002-06:00

Mr. Soup took this video of JT! He wasn't as active as he was before the camera was rolling, but you can see him move a little! Did I mention he's so cute?

It's a BOY

2011-01-28T22:16:00.004-06:00

That's right! Baby Soup is a boy! We have had a busy, busy week. We started off Monday afternoon visiting our OB/GYN for the ultrasound. The first thing the technician noticed was his boy part sticking straight up. Yep! He's all boy! Mr. Soup and I both enjoyed this ultrasound more than the last one. I think it's because he actually looks like a baby (although a tiny one). It was so cool to see him moving around in there. We saw him scratch his eye, fist pump, take a quick nap and kick mommy's bladder. Right now JT (Baby Soup) is breeched, so it explains why I have to go pee more than usual. The sonographer said, "you might pee more than usual because his feet are right on your bladder." Right after she said that, we saw him stamp his feet on my bladder. I actually don't mind because I love feeling my baby alive inside of me. There have been entire days that I have gone through and totally forgotten that I'm pregnant (is that bad?). Sometimes it still doesn't seem real to me. So, I'll take the restless nights, frequent bathroom breaks and other minor inconveniences.
So, JT is definitely his father's son. From looking at his profile, I see all Mr. Soup. His feet are arched like his father and his little legs are muscular as hell just like Mr. Soup's. I didn't know babies could develop muscles like that, but I guess when all you do is kick your mom's bladder, you're bound to build some muscles! He's just such a little cutie! I can't believe our perfect (yes, I said "perfect") baby is going to be here in June! I used to want to keep him inside forever so that I could protect him from all the bad things in the world. However, I've gotten over that. I want him out. I want to cuddle!
I'm still on a high from Monday afternoon. On Wednesday, I celebrated my 29th birthday! Can you believe it? 29 years. It was pretty low-key! Mr. Soup bought me a cake and card and told me my gift was coming this weekend! I also went to dinner with friends that night since Mr. Soup had to work.
I've been extremely busy at work with getting things ready for TAKS with camps, tutoring, etc. Yesterday, I taught, tutored until 4:45, stayed at school to work, then attended a girls' basketball game. I didn't get home until almost 9pm. Next week looks busy too.
Mr. Soup is busy interviewing for new jobs. Since he graduated in December, he's anxiously looking for new work. His previous job was only part-time, so he took a full-time position within the company, but unfortunately he has to work nights....he's also overly, overly qualified for the job and it's not a job that will pay all the new bills once JT arrives. So, I know he's worried and I feel bad that I can't do anything to make him feel better. I know it's a man-thing to want to be able to take care of your family, but I know that something will come along. Good things always have a way of finding us, and I know things will change. I just want him to know I believe in him and I support him! So, keep us in your thoughts and prayers!

Halfway there!

2011-01-20T19:58:00.002-06:00

We are officially halfway through the pregnancy of our first child! I cannot believe we are so close to welcoming our little baby into the world! I cannot wait to hold my BABY in my arms. Okay, so here are some updates. I've officially started the daycare search. Mr. Soup and I leaning towards an in-home day care for the 1st year or two of Baby Soup's life and then switching to a center (we really want to find something bilingual). We've found quite a few in our price range and one even down the street from our house! Still many sitters can't guarantee a spot for the fall, so we'll have to wait and see!
Baby Soup is now the size of a cantaloupe. This is amazing to me because last week he or she was only the size of a mango! I definitely feel the difference in size. Last week, I really didn't have a bump and now I do.
Baby Soup is very active. He or she loves to move around and I love feeling the movements throughout the day! I love it when I put on some 90's hip-hop and Baby Soup dances!
Mommy weight-gain: It was 7lbs. from pre-pregnancy weight last week when I checked. I'll find out Monday if it's more.
Cravings: Coca-Cola, oranges, veggies
Aversions: chicken, Trident Fruit layer gum
Daddy update: Baby Soup loves to move around when Daddy talks to him or her
Boy or Girl: We find out Monday if we're having a boy or girl. Both Mr. Soup and I have a feeling that it will be a boy. We'll be thrilled with either a boy or girl!
Stay tuned Monday for new pics of Baby Soup and a post about whether we're having a boy or girl!

Tiger Mom

2011-01-15T10:43:00.003-06:00

Now that I'm going to be a mom, I spend a lot of my time reading mom-stuff. Mom-blogs, Mom websites, Mom books, etc. I have this desire to be the perfect mom, but I know that's not possible. It's just a desire. While I will work hard at being a mom, I won't strive to be perfect.
Anyways, there is a lot of hype over Tiger Mom. In case you haven't read about her, she's the Filipino/ Chinese-American mother who prides herself on her strict parenting techniques. She basically parents in the traditional Asian manner while raising her kids among Western peers. Some of the things she did to create successful children include allowing and not allowing certain things. For example, her kids were not allowed to participate in many of the Western rites of passage. See below:
-hours of practice and studying for her kiddos
-no sleepovers or playdates
-yelling at her children and calling them names (i.e. calling them garbage)
-playing piano or violin only
-no involvement in school plays
-no complaining about not being in school plays
Yeah, so I read the article with a mixture of intrigue and disgust. I do see the effects of the self-esteem movement on my students. Students get by with the bare minimum and I do feel that we are dumbing down education. We expect less of kids. I can't tell you how many C students I've had arguments with because I know they are more than capable of A work. Students are not used to hard work and practice. While I do think 3 hours of piano practice each day is extreme, most students can barely plunker down for an hour.
I am saddened to see the educational achievements of American students diminish, as our Asian neighbors soar. However, the completely Western mom to be me, wonders how I can sit back and let my struggling child study for hours at a time without my help. I want my child to have the confidence that he or she can do anything, but I also want him or her to know it's okay to ask for help. In addition, I want learning to be fun. I mean, I'm a teacher. I strive to make learning fun. Honestly, I learn more when I have fun. I don't expect my child to become a doctor (but wouldn't that be nice). I want my child to think outside the box. Playdates and sleepovers are important because they are not only enjoyable, but they allow kids to learn how to work well with others, which is a skill most are seriously lacking.
Anyways, I guess I somewhat admire Tiger Mom for being able to go against the grain of mediocrity and worrying about a child's "self-esteem." However, I want to raise kids who think outside the box. Adhering to a strict schedule of study and practice, does not allow time for problem-solving, critical thinking, and team work. I also don't agree with calling kids garbage. That screams verbal abuse to me. Not because it affects the child's self-esteem, but what does it teach the child about how to resolve problems? It shows the child the parent's lack of maturity.
Balance is necessary!

Celebrities I hate

2011-01-15T00:44:00.002-06:00

I watched quite a bit of TV over Christmas break. I think I have successfully completed my celebrities I hate list. There really is no rhyme or reason to this list. They're just people I see on the TV all the time and they really get under my skin. Some are talentless. Some are self-righteous. Most are just annoying.
Kanye West
Kirsten Dunst (she's not in the news a lot, but I hate it when she's in movies. she's ruined countless movies for me)
Oprah Winfrey
Camille Grammer
Khloe Kardashian
Shaunie O'Neal (Ex-Mrs. Shaquille O'Neal)
Bill O' Reilly
Sarah Palin
Most of the moms from Teen Mom (I don't know their names, so I can't pinpoint which ones irk me)

I have a little message for them. I found it in sign language as well....

Where there's a will....

2011-01-13T18:20:00.005-06:00

So we've had some ups and downs in finances over the last couple of months.
--Thanksgiving - always hard on us financially. This year we actually had to use some of our savings for it this year instead of having everything ready to go.
--Christmas - need I say more. We even lowered our budget
--one of the community college courses I was supposed to teach was canceled. This is kind of a blessing in disguise. I planned to use the money to buy things for Baby Soup and to put in savings so that I can take unpaid time off in the fall. I'm kind of bummed though. However, I don't think it was smart to plan to teach two courses this semester while pregnant. So, in a way, this will allow me more time at home to prepare for Baby Soup
--Mr. Soup is working more in his old position to help pad our savings. Which means that he's not home as much =(
--we're not going to the Superbowl. Sad that the Eagles didn't do well in the play-offs, but now we can use that money to replenish our savings and the rest towards Baby Soup
--tutoring--one of my community college co-workers tutors privately. She said I could make $60 an hour tutoring elementary school kids. I'm thinking of doing it once a week for an hour. I don't think it would take up too much time and it'd help pad our savings.
I really am impressed that we're still saving money. After saving and paying for half of our wedding, a home, and other things, I thought we'd go back to living financially carelessly. However, we've done a good job of living frugally. I think we're more committed now that Baby Soup is on the way. Ugh..and don't even get me started on maternity leave. I think I'm almost getting screwed by having a baby in the summer. If I have my baby on my due date, I'll have exactly 9 weeks off. That is not enough time off in our opinion. I can either use some of my days to take some more time off or take it unpaid. I'm thinking of taking 3 weeks more unpaid because I want to save my days for when Baby Soup gets sick, etc. I'm really hoping we can save a month's salary, so that I can do that. That was my motivation for teaching an extra class at the community college. Mr. Soup has been saving too, but I hate for him to do it on his own. Plus, we also need to put money away for day care, Baby Soup's college savings, travel savings and general savings. Whew! Sounds like a lot! Where there's a will there is a way though. We always find a way to make things work. For example, the private tutoring fell into my hands. And we decided not to take a Babymoon, but instead make it a Staycation at a hotel in downtown Dallas or something like that. We are very blessed and I love that we both have the same commitment to our future family!

Why my husband is an awesome dad (to-be) and husband

2011-01-07T20:32:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I marvel at how much technology has enhanced our lives. Other times I cringe at how much a part of our lives technology is. It invades our lives. Sometimes I'm amazed at how much I know about other people's lives thanks to facebook and other social networks. Sometimes (like now) it really reminds me how lucky I am to have married my ultimate life partner. I don't pretend that my husband is perfect. He's not romantic...at all! He smells sometimes. He's very impatient. He can lose his temper easily. However, with that comes passion and excitement. I married a man who loves with all his heart! So after a week of reading disappointing relationship statuses and just disappointing statuses in general, here is an ode to my husband! Okay so really it's the top reasons why he rocks as a dad and husband.
1. he's super excited about Baby Soup! Everything related to babies is like a new puzzle for him to solve. He's constantly reading books, websites (he frequents the Bump) and articles. That article I put on the refrigerator about raising a child in Muslim/Christian household sat up there for months. Now that we're pregnant he's read it and was prepared to do an hour long book study last night. Not kidding! He's there for every doctor's appointment (he missed the last one, but that's okay)
2. he works extremely hard. After graduating with his master's he's been on the search for a better paying job. In the mean time, he's working horrible shifts and a job he doesn't like to help save for the baby. He could take his time and work his regular schedule, but he's not.
3. he appreciates travel, good food and good times as much as I do. Even on the days where money is tight, we find ways to have a good time. he loves to travel whether it's by plane, boat or car. Together we always make each other laugh and we comfort each other when things go wrong. We both want travel to be an important part of Baby Soup's life. We both want to eat good food and continue to have good times with friends and family. We both want to continue living life, so that our children see how great life can be!
4. he's accepting. I know that no matter what happens to Baby Soup, he will be there to love and support him or her. As an expecting mother, I worried about all the things that go wrong developmentally (thankfully, there are none!). Mr. Soup did too, but his confidence that we could get through it and strive to be the best parents possible really helped calm me. It helped me remember that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Thinking to the future: We discussed how we would react if one of our children was homosexual (not that I think anything is "wrong" with homosexuals). He was so calm and accepting. He said, "it may be hard to accept at first, but I'd get over it. Plus, it'd be fun to go hang out in the Gayborhood with them." One of his favorite restaurants is in the Gayborhood, so we head over there some. Lots of nice eateries and lots of fun bars. Isn't he great? Very few men are that open and honest about homosexuality and that comfortable with their own sexuality.
5. he's already a great dad. have you seen him with Maya and Sam? He's on the floor every day with them, playing, rolling, and biting (yes...biting)them. He truly treats them like man's best friends.
even though he could've abandoned my stepdaughter when things got tough, he didn't. there have been multiple times (including when he first found out about her), that he could've thrown in the towel and it would've been so much easier. however, he didn't. someday I hope things work out so that she can fully experience her awesome father.
so yeah, my husband rocks pretty much! Can't top him!

Pop!

2011-01-06T20:23:00.002-06:00

Well, at 4 1/2 months I have finally popped. Well, not really. It's just now it's very obvious that my baby bump is showing. So obvious that a few girls in my 4th period class noticed today. Now the word is out among my students. My boys could really care less. I think they're probably grossed out by it all. However, my girls are all excited. "Will you name the baby after me?" "I think it's gonna be a girl!" "When is the baby shower?" Typical girls, I guess. One girl assured me that my bump is only showing because, "you're so tiny, Mrs. Soup!" I definitely don't feel tiny. I was kind of bummed that I didn't lose the "love" weight I gained when Mr. Soup and I married before getting pregnant, but now I don't really care. I actually lost weight during pregnancy. I'm pretty sure I gained a few pounds (and boobs) while sleeping last night...at least it seems that way. This will be motivation for me to really lose weight once Baby C arrives. I've also been really good about working out and walking during the pregnancy.
While I've had some minor inconveniences (I won't go into them because they're kind of gross), my pregnancy is going very well. Mr. Soup and I are really enjoying the baby right now. The other day we listened to the heartbeat and Mr. Soup talked to the baby and there went baby. He or she had moved away. I feel the baby move a lot more. I don't think he or she is kicking, but definitely swimming around in there. It feels like butterfly flutters in my belly.
We're also really trying to revamp our diet which means we'll have to revamp our budget. Now that Mr. Soup is preparing to be a father, he wants us to cut out all the bad stuff we eat (high fructose corn syrup, etc). It's virtually impossible to do that while shopping at Wal-Mart or Kroger (if you've found a way, let me know). So we'll be frequenters of Whole Foods and other small markets from now on. I'm excited that he's involved, but sometimes it's oh so much. I just feel like we have so much to do: nursery, register, hospital tour, birthing classes, etc. Lots!
Oh well, this is our new year! Welcome 2011 and baby bump!

Good-bye 2010 and Pop2K

2011-01-01T12:54:00.003-06:00

This post was really special to me because not only did we say good-bye to 2010, but to a decade! Wow! Pop2K is the name of the radio station on my XM that plays music from 2000-2010. Okay, so here's a run-down of the highs and lows of 2000-2010.
2000--celebrated the new year with my HS friends. A friend's parents hosted a drinking party (a big no-no in the book of parenting). Nevertheless, it was a blast and lots of memories were made. In May, I graduated from high school and headed to KU in August to begin my freshman year as a jayhawk! I lost my uncle (May 2000) and grandma (December 2000)
2001 -- said good-bye to my 1990 Ford Thunderbird and received a 1998 Jeep Grand Cherokee. This started my love of red vehicles and to this day I still drive a red(dish) car. I'm already eyeing my next car...Red Honda Odyssey....yep...I'm getting a mini-van in this new decade. In November, I started dating my first (and only) college boyfriend. In December, my future stepdaughter was born (I had no idea). my favorite place to hang out was The Hawk. My favorite place to eat was Quintons
2002 -- got my first on-campus job as a Writing Consultant. received my fake-ID. got dumped by my boyfriend (jerk!). This was also the year we discovered my dad had a brain tumor. In August 2002, he had the tumor removed.
2003 -- turned 21 (and got schwasted and kicked out of a bar!) worked as an Orientation Assistant. traveled to Colorado with OA friends. lost my grandfather (August 2003) my favorite place to hang out was Brothers. My favorite place to eat was Einstein Bros.
2004 -- went to Padre Island for spring break with friends. graduated from KU with my degree in Education. moved to Kansas City to begin my master's degree and internship. new car: Red Volkswagen Jetta same one I have today! student-taught at a middle school in the suburbs of KC.
2005 -- interned at a HS in KCK, graduated with my master's degree in Education. Stepped out of my comfort zone and moved to Dallas, TX. began teaching junior high English.
2006 --met my husband at an airport. served as a bridesmaid in 2 weddings (and attended numerous weddings)...one in the Cayman Islands and one in KC. Mr. Soup moved to Dallas. My favorite place to hang out was Greenville Ave. (blah) and my favorite place to eat was Fireside Pies
2007 --turned 25! got engaged! took my first trip to meet my in-laws in NJ (also my first trip to that area), began my 2nd master's degree (a degree I'll never use), made new friends at work
2008 -- lost my cousin Philip (November 2008)
2009 -- got married, graduated with my 2nd master's, mr. soup graduated with his 2nd bachelor's.
2010 -- 1st anniversary cruise to nowhere (supposed to be Mexico, but it wasn't) (March), bought our first home (May), started teaching Developmental Writing at a community college (August), found out we're expecting our first child (October), Mr. Soup graduated with his master's (December).
What's in store for 2011?
-Well, if the Eagles go to the superbowl, so will the Soups. Luckily Dallas is hosting this year. If they don't go, we'll watch the superbowl on TV with friends!
-welcoming our first baby together (June)
-who knows???

Vacation

2011-01-01T12:35:00.003-06:00

Mr. Soup and I really wanted to go to Vancouver before Baby Soup arrived. However, that's not going to happen. So, we're thinking of going next year.....with Baby Soup (like when he or she is closer to a year) Anyone been to Canada with a baby? Anyone have some great vacation spots for babies? One thing Mr. Soup and I want to do with our kiddos is travel. We want to start that early on because we want them to see the world (well maybe just the US and islands with us and the big countries later on).
Here are some I was pondering. Let me know if you've vacationed to any of these spots with kids or if you have any ideal baby friendly vacation spots:
Canada--we've always wanted to go here. I can't see why it would be bad to bring a baby
San Antonio--we can drive. there's a beach. seems ideal
Cruise--I hear cruises can be nice for babies. However, I'm worried about the shore excursions. Honestly, Mr. Soup and I's favorite part was the nightlife (ie: drinking and dancing), so we would miss that with a baby. We have 20% off our next cruise until December 2011. Not sure if I'd want to bring a baby that young on a cruise or leave my baby when he or she is that young.
others?
Since we won't be able to take any full vacations alone (at least not in the 1st year), we're thinking of taking a long weekend trips alone. any ideas? I'm thinking we won't get to KC this year since Mr. Soup is being inducted in the South Jersey track coach hall of fame. Maybe we'll take a trip to KC to see old friends...ooh...I like that. We could even bring Baby Soup? Oooh! I'm so smart! Okay, thanks for your help fellow bloggers!

Cost of Raising a Child

2010-12-30T21:14:00.002-06:00

I saw this on another mom's blog and stole it! This nearly brought me to tears (let's be honest, it doesn't take much) My heart swells with joy each time I think of my little Baby Soup! I never thought I could love someone who I haven't even met. To me, no cost could amount to joy I feel each and everyday when I think about my baby.

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and cam up with $160,140.00 for a middle income family. Talk about price shock! And that doesn't even touch college tuition. But $160,140.00 isn't so bad when you break it down.

It translates into:
$8,896.66 a year
$741.38 a month
$171.08 a week
A mere $24.24 a day
Just over a dollar an hour

Still you might think the best financial advice is: Don't have children if you want to be "rich." Actually, it's just the opposite.
What do you get for $160,140.00?
Naming rights. First, Middle, and Last
Glimpses of God every day
Giggles under the covers every night
More love than your heart can hold
Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs
Endless wonder over rock, clouds, ants, and warm cookies
A hand to hold usually covered with jelly or chocolate
A partner for blowing bubbles and flying kites
Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what your boss had to say or how your stock performed that day.

For $160,400.00 you never have to grow up. You get to:
Finger Paint
Carve pumpkins
Play hide-and-seek
Catch lightning bugs
Never stop believing in Santa Clause

You have an excuse to:
Keep reading The Adventures of Piglet and Pooh
Watch Saturday morning cartoons
Go to Disney movies
And wish on Stars

You get to frame rainbows, hearts and flowers under refrigerator magnets, and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backwards letters for Father's Day.

For a mere $24.24 a day there's no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero for just:

Retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof
Taking the training wheels off a bike
Removing a splinter
Filling a wadding pool
Coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and
Coaching a baseball team that never wins, but always get treated to ice cream regardless.

You get a front row seat in history to witness the:

First step,
First word,
First bra,
First date,
First time behind the wheel

You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.

In the eyes of a child you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits. So one day, like you, they will love without counting the costs. That is quite a deal for the price!!!

Campbell Creations

2010-12-28T22:41:00.005-06:00

I broke out the Cricut tonight. I must confess that since getting married I've had very little interest in making paper announcements. I didn't even make Christmas cards this year. However, I made some cute paper stuff for Baby Soup. In a few short weeks, we find out whether we're having a boy or girl. Aren't these cute?
So Mr. Soup and I decided on Joel for a boy and Lena/Lina for a girl. We're still deciding on the spelling for Lena/Lina. Feel free to vote on your favorite. I'll give you a little low-down on both names. While they're pronounced the same way, they are actually two different names. According to Behind the Name:
Lena - is a form of Helen(a). It is commonly used in Scandinavian, Russian, Italian cultures and other European cultures. It
Lina - means "palm tree" or "tender" in Arabic
we picked the name Lena/Lina because it is a classic girl name, but we also chose it because it fits our criteria of being culturally and religiously significant.
Mr. Soup and I both decided on this when picking names:
Religious Significance - our kids will have one Christian and one Muslim (Arabic) name
Classic - our kids will have classic names. No trendy names for our kiddos
Feminine and Masculine - our kids will not have gender neutral names. nor will my daughter have a boy's name (ironic since I "technically" have a boy's name and was named after a boy!)
Normal Spellings - No complicated or made-up spellings for our kids
Multicultural or Family names - if there is a name of someone in our family that we love and whose name we love, then we'll use it, otherwise sorry. This was the case for Joel. However, there aren't many girl names in my family that I would use...Martha, Karen, Barbara...love the women, but not the names. Same with his family, Frances, Etheleen, Barbara. At least not right now. maybe my name taste will change.
so that gives you an idea of our naming style. and yes we are name snobs. Sometimes it's hard for me not to cringe when people tell me their children's names.
My least favorites: Shy-Anne (think Cheyenne, but even more trashy) and Neveah (Heaven spelled backwards...) oh and Bentley. All the names just scream Teen Mom to me. Which makes sense. You know what I wanted to name my kids when I was 18?-- Aaryn (for a girl, because the y made it so feminine) and Houston Elizabeth (for a girl..I guess I thought Elizabeth would make it more girly) So I think all moms under the age of 18...err...make that 22 should consult me before naming their kids.
Okay, so here's what I want you to do. now that you know I'm a name snob, please vote on a spelling and then leave a comment below. In your comment list the worst name you've encountered in your life (if you say Joel or Lena/Lina I will cut you!) This should be fun(ny)!

transition hair

2010-12-23T23:47:00.004-06:00

the last time I relaxed my hair was July 2010, so I'm almost six months into being relaxer free. I will say it's not as easy as I thought it would be. My reasons for giving up on relaxing my hair were not profound. I didn't wake up with a sense of African pride or join some kind of back to natural movement. In fact, there have been days where I have blown my hair straight because it was just easier than trying to make curls. Yes. Make curls. Since I'm in the transition stage, Half of my hair is straight from previous relaxers and my new growth is curly. I'm trying to grow my curly hair out to my natural hair's length. I'm avoiding doing what people term "the big CHOP!" I do think I need to do a mini-chop. I have quite a few dead ends. I think I may do it tomorrow.
Okay, so here are my reasons for going natural:
Mr. Soup and I were trying to conceive and I knew I would have to give up coloring and relaxing my hair if I got pregnant, so I decided to stop it early.
healthier hair and scalp
money saver
I've started reading hair blogs for tips. This is my favorite so far. Nikki is about my age and a new mother. She went natural in '07 and even wore her hair natural in her wedding (she looked stunning, may I add) Unlike her husband, my husband actually prefers my hair natural. He's been my biggest supporter and he actually encouraged me to stop relaxing my hair (I'm hoping his reasons weren't economically motivated). Okay so here is a link to her blog: Curly Nikki
I often wonder what Baby Soup's hair will be like, especially if she is a girl. Hair defines so much of who we are. For me as a child is was a source of pride, but also brought on low self-esteem at some points in my life. I wanted to fit in and have straight hair like my mom's, but my hair was so tightly coiled. We tried everything to make it "behave." My mom was a real trooper though, and I think she's very happy that I have embraced my natural hair. I guess I will let my daughter choose what she wants to do with her hair, just as my mom did. I just hope she sees the natural beauty she possesses.

2010 financial successes/new year's resolutions

2010-12-23T20:18:00.004-06:00

being financially fit is a goal that we have for our family. In the past we haven't made the best decisions with saving and spending, but we strive now more than ever since we are bringing a little one into the world. I hope we can teach him or her to spend and save wisely. However, if this baby is a girl, I can't promise that he or she won't have a shopping addiction like her mother....
we did have some success in 2010
highs:
-we stopped using credit cards and what we did use, we paid off immediately as to not incur interest
-we paid off one credit card
-we bought a house
-we put more in savings
-we now have a monthly emergency fund
-saved $70 a month by not relaxing (perming) my hair
-switched energy providers and saved $100+ per month (we pay less than we did when we lived in our apartment)
-paid off my car

lows:
-if we want to buy a new car, we need to pay down the rest of our debt...Although, we stopped incurring debt, we didn't really pay down much. it looks like we may not buy a new car until 2012 or 2013...and it's looking like it may be a mini-van (sigh....another post on that)
-we didn't tithe regularly or I should I say I didn't since I go to church. I will say this has more to do with my sporadic attendance at church....something I need to work on in the new year.
- we now have a balance on our GAP card....it's $100, but still a balance.
New Year's Resolutions (financial and not)
-pay down debt
-continue to put more in savings
-share more of the household duties...while Mr. Soup was in grad school, the majority of our duties fell on me. We need to get our balance back before the baby arrives.
-paint the kitchen, living room and nursery. I foresee the nursery being painted first and the other two in late 2011.
-keep our travel fund full. with Baby Soup arriving, it will be hard to travel regularly. However, my goal is for us to take some family trips, Mr. Soup and me trips, and maybe a girls' trip. Traveling is something that is important to Mr. Soup and me. We are definitely not going to stop traveling in 2011. In fact, we will take our annual trip to NJ and I'm hoping we'll have enough for another cruise (once I get my body back...don't laugh!)
-accept that I cannot control how things turn out with my stepdaughter. This is hard, but I know I have to do it for my sanity. I never truly understood what my husband went through with his daughter until this summer. He has had his daughter ripped from him over and over by her mentally ill mother and passive, enabling grandparents. I felt that pain this summer. My heart was broken over and over. I'm not sure if I ever got over it fully. This will be the first Christmas that we haven't had my stepdaughter. I shudder to think of what kind of Christmas she will have (her mother doesn't even wrap their presents). I have to get over the pain I felt when my she left for a life of poverty, instability and neglect from a home where she was loved, clean and attended to each day. For now, I have to be content with the sporadic phone calls and visits we have. I have to be content with being the weekend dad and step-mom.
While Baby Soup will never take the place of Abby, he or she will have everything that Abby didn't. This baby will always know what an amazing big sister he or she has (SN: Abby is totally excited about Baby Soup. She asked if I could have a boy, so she could have a brother) Most importantly, I will have a baby that no one can take away from Mr. Soup and me. If I could hold this baby close to me everyday and never let him or her go, I would. However, I know I cannot transfer my feelings of loss and heartbreak onto this innocent life. While I want to suffocate this baby with love and attention all the time, I know my duty as a mom is to provide opportunity for growth. So, I guess in my long-winded way of saying it, my goal is two-fold: Accept my limited role as stepmother and embrace balance as I strive to be the best mother to Baby Soup.
-my next goal is to achieve balance as a wife, mother, teacher, friend, sister, daughter, etc. I realize my marriage is my #1 priority. If I don't put my marriage first, I won't be a good mother. Fortunately, we have been blessed with friends who have offered to babysit. However, I also want to make time to be a good teacher, and spend time with friends and family regularly.
-last goal is to be an awesome mama! I know I will lose major coolness once Baby C hits puberty, but for now I can't wait to raise the most awesome kid ever! This baby oozes coolness and here's why....no morning sickness, very little weight gain, cute ass sonogram pic, awesome summer-time timing, etc. This baby has made pregnancy enjoyable so far and although I know it will get worse, I am thankful that my 1st trimester was a breeze compared to most. Although, I do hate the acne!
That's it! Hopefully writing down my new year's goals on the internet for the world to see will keep me accountable!

So Blessed

2010-12-20T12:25:00.002-06:00

As 2010 comes to an end, I am reminded of all the things for which I am thankful. Working in the public school system and just living in general, help me realize how much suffering goes on around us. I am so lucky to be gainfully employed, healthy and safe. so here we go:
health- I am very lucky to be healthy, especially as I prepare for the birth of our first child. I am also thankful for the health of others, especially my father. The past 8 years have not been easy for him, but he continues to persevere.
education-Mr. Soup just graduated from A&M Commerce with his master's degree on Saturday. His year of hard work has really paid off and we are so proud of his accomplishment. There were times where completing the degree seemed impossible, but he stuck it out. Seeing him graduate has really inspired me (and him) to really look into pursuing our doctorates. I found a program that will pay me to complete my doctorate. I would take a huge pay cut, but it would be worth it.
prosperity- we're definitely not rich at all, but we are rich in so many ways. We have never struggled to live or gone without food. In fact, we were able to purchase our first home while Mr. Soup was in graduate school. Every day that I wake up in this house, I'm reminded of how far we've come from my tiny 1 bedroom apartment, to a small two bedroom apartment and our wonderful four bedroom home.
new opportunities - Mr. Soup is already interviewing for new jobs. I was so lucky to have found a position teaching at a local community college part-time.
travel- we had an amazing one year anniversary trip (even if we didn't go to Mexico) and of course we love traveling to Philadelphia each year. I was bummed that we didn't go to NY (due to the weather and my pregnancy crumminess), but we still went to Atlantic City.
Baby C - I never had this nagging desire to be a mom. It was there in the back of my mind. However, I think part of it was because I was/am a bossy person (I can admit my faults). Despite that, the desire in the back of my mind started growing. When Mr. Soup and I thought we weren't going to be parents, I was content with being a childless couple. I think we could have still had a fulfilling marriage and life together. However, I cannot express how happy I am now. My heart is filled with so much joy. I know my baby won't be perfect, but in my eyes he or she is. Very thankful to be a MOM! (I love saying that! Can't you tell?)

Why not?

2010-12-17T09:03:00.004-06:00

A lot of you have written into me asking why I can't eat things like queso, deli sandwiches, etc. I will say that every doctor is different and what a pregnant woman can and cannot eat changes just as fashion does. A former co-worker of mine was told she could eat deli sandwiches, and she did throughout her pregnancy. She has a healthy baby girl today. Another one of my friends said that her doctor told her she could eat deli meat as long as it came from the deli, while my doctor said only if it is steaming hot. So, as you can see there are many conflicting views. We also see this with doctors who tell their moms-to-be that they can enjoy a glass of red wine once a week and doctors who forbid alcohol.

I think every mom needs to educate herself on the issues and come to a decision that is comfortable for her. Don't worry about what your friends say or think, but make the best decision for you and your little baby.

I will say this, the growing baby is a mystery. So fragile, yet so strong. There are so many things that could potentially harm him or her. Yet, we hear of so many miraculous stories where babies have beat the odds. I found myself watching the show "I Didn't Know I was pregnant" You know, the one where a woman finds herself delivering a baby instead of using the bathroom. Those babies survive. You see the new mom kind of cringing when she thinks about what she ate or drank during the last 9 months. Those babies beat the odds.

When I found out I was pregnant, I went through a mental checklist of what I had ate or drank since my possible day of conception. I started freaking myself out. Then I slapped myself and got over it.

Okay so here is some information on cheese and deli sandwiches:

CHEESE: Imported soft cheeses may contain bacteria called Listeria, which can cause miscarriage. Listeria has the ability to cross the placenta and may infect the baby leading to infection or blood poisoning, which can be life-threatening. You would need to avoid soft cheeses such as: Brie, Camembert, Roquefort, Feta, Gorgonzola and Mexican style cheeses that include queso blanco and queso fresco, unless they clearly state that they are made from pasteurized milk. All soft non-imported cheeses made with pasteurized milk are safe to eat.

DELI MEAT: Deli meats have been known to be contaminated with listeria, which can cause miscarriage. Listeria has the ability to cross the placenta and may infect the baby leading to infection or blood poisoning, which may be life-threatening. If you are pregnant and you are considering eating deli meats, make certain that you reheat the meat until it is steaming.

---from americanpregnancy.org

cute father-to-be and the name game

2010-12-16T10:24:00.004-06:00

I came home from dinner with some friends (If you live in Dallas, you need to try Buttons in Addison. an amazing twist on soul food with live jazz music each night) and Mr. Soup told me that he not only got inducted to the South Jersey Track Coach Hall of Fame (an amazing accomplishment!) but that he also read the first two chapters of the father-to-be book that his parents bought him. I love how eager he is to learn. He's such a hands-on dad already! I think he gets a bit jealous that I get to carry Baby Soup with me at all times.
So, Mr. Soup and I sort of settled on names a long time ago. Like even before we were married. Surprisingly we haven't changed much. We both decided on honoring both of our religions when choosing names, and we want our boys to have family names. We also wanted classic, simple, easy to pronounce and spell 1st names. So, if Baby Soup is a boy we decided on Joel Taariq. Joel is not only my father-in-law's name, but it is also the name of Mr. Soup's brother who passed away. Taariq means "morning star" in Arabic. I like the idea of our little Soup being a bright light. If Baby Soup is a girl we decided on Lena Elise. I just love how girly of a name it is. I can only have one girl, because I have not found a name that I love as much as this one! I do know that if we have 2 boys, our 2nd boy will be Adam Leo. Adam is in both of our religions and Leo is my grandfather, father and brother's middle name. I think all three names go well with their sister's name Abby. Abby's full name is Abbygail Lynn. Abby and I both have on-purpose misspelled names. While I prefer the traditional spelling (Abigail), I love how girly and classic her name is and I think it goes well with her potential half-siblings' names.
So today marks 15 weeks. Next week I will be four months! I tried on some maternity jeans last week. OMG! So comfortable. I want to wear them all the time. I can't quite fit into them yet, so they're only for around the house. I have been wearing quite a lot of sweaters, as my bump has finally arrived. Bathroom breaks have become more frequent and I've had quite a bit of shortness of breath. According to the Bump.com, my baby is the size of an orange now! My hair is incredibly long and shiny. I have been straightening it again (without chemicals) and I'm amazed by how much it's grown! I could be a model if I didn't have an expanding waistline and horrendous acne!

2nd trimester fun

2010-12-12T11:29:00.002-06:00

oh, 2nd trimester, how i love thee!
i have my energy back finally. I can go to bed at 10pm instead of 7:30pm. I wish the entire pregnancy was like the 2nd trimester. I finally started working out again and I feel great. before I was limited to morning walks with the dog (which, if you have seen my dogs, you will know it is a workout), but I was barely making those. Now I'm back to regular walks and gym time. I love it! Everyone keeps telling me to slow down, but I feel like I need to take advantage of this time. In a few months, I will not be able to see my feet!
Which means, I need to get this nursery business on the road. I've already slacked off with the rest of the house, which means I probably won't get the living room and kitchen painted until after Baby C arrives....unless my husband decides to hire someone to do it. Which he may just do. I have a feeling he won't let me paint the nursery either. Luckily, the room is small, so he and my brother-in-law could probably do it in a day.
I've decided on a light aqua for the room no matter if it is a boy or girl. If it's a boy, I want to accent the room with dark blues and bring oranges. If it's a girl, I want to accent with bright orange, purple, red, and maybe a hint of pink (not much). I'd like a vintage beach theme for the room (boy or girl).
We decided against doing custom bedding (because of SIDS), so I've been looking at rich patterns for crib sheets, curtains, and changing pad covers. I absolutely love this site: www.serenaandlily.com
I found some nice aqua & orange striped sheets and cute aqua and melon sheets. I'll post some pics of my nursery inspiration.

Baby C's nursery mix

2010-12-06T19:35:00.002-06:00

i'm coming up with different mixes of music to play when Baby Soup arrives. Right now I'm working on nursery (bedtime) music. Lots of Fiona Apple on it (Mama Soup's favorite)! Of course!
Moby-Porcelain
Fiona Apple - Sullen Girl
Fiona Apple - Across the Universe
Rufus Wainwright - Poses
Damien Rice - Blower's Daughter
Coldplay - The Scientist
Fiona Apple - I Know
Alicia Keys - Diary
Sophie B. Hawkins - Lose Your Way
Jay Z - Song Cry
Mariah Carey - Music Box

Stay tuned for Tummy Time mix

Seeking Advice and Thankful for Generosity

2010-12-03T18:14:00.003-06:00

While I won't take advice on pregnancy, I will take....how should I phrase this?... testimonies from mommy-hood. I really want to teach my children to be good stewards of the Earth that God gave us. I figure I can model this when they're young. So, I need your advice on the following:

diapers - cloth vs. regular--my parents used cloth diapers on us. Is it a big money saver? Are they durable? Is the laundry worth it?
breastfeeding - I'd like to for at least six months. any advice for a working mommy trying to pump at work?
baby food - I'm looking for your yummiest recipes!

I am truly in awe of all the generosity we've received over the past few months. I told you that we were GIVEN a crib and changing table. One of my co-workers GAVE me a ton of cute maternity clothes. I have a cute going-out dress that will look cute when my bump arrives. It's perfect for a night on the town! Another one of Murad's co-workers gave me some maternity clothes as well!