this too shall pass

after doing lots of praying, thinking, soul-searching this week. I do feel a little better about the situation with my stepdaughter. I gained insight from adults who went through this as children and from a mother who is experiencing the same thing we are. we discussed how cheated we feel that we rearranged our whole lives to put our children's needs first only to be shut out. She by the courts and us by our own daughter (and in essence the courts if you count what my husband went through six years ago). I have to practice some acceptance that this is our situation. I cannot change or push or control things no matter how badly I try. I know this and it's fine. We can remain supportive and give her the space she desires (side-note: I do think it's ridiculous that a child has this much control and power, but I practice acceptance). I realize there are many modes of support from simple cards and letters to more technology-friendly communications. I just want her to know that we love her and always will. We will be a safe-haven if she ever needs us. Do I regret all we've done? No Way! We built memories, shared values and truly were functioning as a blended family. I cherish those moments and find it odd that I didn't buy school supplies this year. I feel a void each day I get up and realize I have no one to drive to camp. I don't have my SplashPark & 7/11 Slurpee buddy. I don't have a reason to visit the children's section of the library. Those are my voids and they probably aren't voids in her life (however, I do feel like she's missing out on a lot...maybe I'm bias). I realize it's not worth being angry. I also realize that we can't put our lives on hold either. One of the biggest mistakes parents make is putting their children before their marriage and I think we were guilty of this in some regards. This summer has been great for us to reconnect as a couple and it's something we need to be cognizant of, especially when we have more children.

I don't know if things will ever get better, but I can choose how I act and react. I want to remain present in her life in whatever way I can. I'll remain supportive even if she pushes us away. I also have to set up boundaries as well.

Thanks to all of you who have shared your stories with us or just been there to lend an ear. you do not realize how valuable you are in our lives.

This too shall pass