Wednesday, February 22, 2012

I still don't know

Joely turned nine months today. I thought I would be able to post everything that has transpired the past week and a half. Most of you who read this blog know what happened with Joely's former daycare providers. It is still hard for me to put in words. It is still hard for me to accept that Joely was not cared for the way he deserved. I don't know how long it happened. What I do know is that Joely knows he's supposed to be loved. He knows what love looks like, sounds like and feels like. He knew he wasn't getting that there. He let everyone know it! Even though my mommy-heart breaks each time I think of the situation, I feel a sense of relief now that he is in a safe, nurturing environment. My mommy guilt whispers, "I should have known sooner." The irrational part of me wants to home-school Joel and never let him out of my sight. The rational part of me learned that no daycare - licensed, unlicensed, home or center- is good enough for our children. Murad and I decided that Joel will never attend a daycare again. We know our situation is rare and that there are good day-cares out there. Despite this, we feel there are a lot of myths that are told to convince people to send their children to daycare.Until there is longer maternity leave (like at least a year) for women like me who need to work and raise a family and until fathers have more paternity leave, daycares seem necessary. I heard so much about how children gain social skills in daycare and develop better than children of stay-at-home moms. This is so not true. In fact, children learn social skills from their parents!!!
Our ultimate goal is to have me teach in the evening and Murad work during the day. I still really want to work, but I really want to raise Joely. Until that is a reality, we have a sweet deal. My former students' mom is watching Joely and my best friend's three year old. Joel loves it there. He knows he's loved and he loves them back. He's thriving there. He eats more, and he's starting to pick up the baby sign language. He's chatty and squealy again! He's just a happy, happy boy! I just want him to be that way all the time, but I know there are more hard times to come. My dad said things will get better and worse as he grows. I just want to protect him from everything bad and it kills me that I can't. I don't want to end this post on a sad note, so I'll end with the positives: Joely is nine months old and thriving! He is in a place where he is loved and nurtured. He's just about the cutest baby around!!!


  1. My mom took me to a woman's house as a kid. One day she had a weird feeling and turned around to come check on me. Turns out the woman was locking all of us kids up in a closet with a matress while she smoked weed with random dudes. Nice eh? My mom felt terrible but she caught it and I'm fine :) lol

  2. Before kids come along, you can do all the research and have all the best solutions to what you expect to encounter as parents. But it's not until you hold, care for, and love that baby that you put those hypothetical situations aside and listen to your heart and gut. Nobody in the world will care for your baby the way you do. And nobody in the world will ever "do it" like you do. It's just a momma things :)

    And I agree--we need better maternity/paternity leave. Can you imagine if moms were allowed (not forced, obviously) to stay home a year how many more moms might nurse--even nurse for a year? An can you imagine what this alone would do for the future generations? Closer bonds? Maybe. Fewer obese kids? Possible. It saddens me to think about all of the expectations put upon new moms and the lack of support society offers--at least in our country.

    I'm just happy that things seem to be falling into place for your family. You've got the most important part covered--J is safe when you are at work. Not only safe, but thriving. Now, you can let other things fall into place--jobs, money, daily routine, etc. I hope and pray for good news to keep coming your way. Keep me posted on the job possibilities :) HUGS!!