this too shall pass

after doing lots of praying, thinking, soul-searching this week. I do feel a little better about the situation with my stepdaughter. I gained insight from adults who went through this as children and from a mother who is experiencing the same thing we are. we discussed how cheated we feel that we rearranged our whole lives to put our children's needs first only to be shut out. She by the courts and us by our own daughter (and in essence the courts if you count what my husband went through six years ago). I have to practice some acceptance that this is our situation. I cannot change or push or control things no matter how badly I try. I know this and it's fine. We can remain supportive and give her the space she desires (side-note: I do think it's ridiculous that a child has this much control and power, but I practice acceptance). I realize there are many modes of support from simple cards and letters to more technology-friendly communications. I just want her to know that we love her and always will. We will be a safe-haven if she ever needs us. Do I regret all we've done? No Way! We built memories, shared values and truly were functioning as a blended family. I cherish those moments and find it odd that I didn't buy school supplies this year. I feel a void each day I get up and realize I have no one to drive to camp. I don't have my SplashPark & 7/11 Slurpee buddy. I don't have a reason to visit the children's section of the library. Those are my voids and they probably aren't voids in her life (however, I do feel like she's missing out on a lot...maybe I'm bias). I realize it's not worth being angry. I also realize that we can't put our lives on hold either. One of the biggest mistakes parents make is putting their children before their marriage and I think we were guilty of this in some regards. This summer has been great for us to reconnect as a couple and it's something we need to be cognizant of, especially when we have more children.

I don't know if things will ever get better, but I can choose how I act and react. I want to remain present in her life in whatever way I can. I'll remain supportive even if she pushes us away. I also have to set up boundaries as well.

Thanks to all of you who have shared your stories with us or just been there to lend an ear. you do not realize how valuable you are in our lives.

This too shall pass

almost a year and a half later...

our wedding guestbook quilt is complete! it is now hanging in our home. I am thrilled. takes me back to that spectacular day when we vowed to spend our lives together. The day I became Mrs. Soup. It has been a ride full of joys and challenges. I wouldn't have it any other way. Thanks to those who were there to sign it and those who were with us in spirit. Thanks to those who continue to support us today!

I've also included a picture of our wedding broom which is also hanging in our home.

patriotic

there are days when I do not feel particularly patriotic. there are days when I want to slap conservatives and liberals in their faces and say, "enough!" Being a "middle-of-the-road" kind of girl is difficult. I hate division and I really thought Mr. O would truly make this a purple nation. However, he is just placating republicans, and they have reciprocated with crap. But I digress....

Proposition 8 has been overturned! Huge victory! I have never had more faith in our justice system as the defender of the rights of all men and women. I feel American. This is the civil rights movement of the 2000's and I am excited to be part of it. Mr. Soup and I discussed this at length because we were in a heated facebook debate with a moron.

Here are some of our favorite quotes:

"Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of marriage licenses."

"Moral disapproval alone is an improper basis on which to deny rights to gay men and lesbians. The evidence shows conclusively that Proposition 8 enacts, without reason, a private moral view that same-sex couples are inferior to opposite sex couples."

whether one embraces homosexuality is not the issue (my husband will be the first to say that he does not understand it and it's his fear and ignorance that fuels this). It's about taking away the right that every heterosexual couple in America has. Homosexuals are not inferior to opposite sex couples. They pay taxes just like the rest of us. This is not about sex at all. It's about marriage. this is not about conservative vs. liberal, but this is about Americans. This is patriotic!

I heart weddings

it's no secret that i love weddings! i had a blast planning my wedding. And although I would never want to do it again, I do love looking at other people's weddings. i love royalty as well. since we have no royalty in the United States, the presidents will have to do. So, as many of you know Chelsea Clinton got married this past weekend (I feel like Kelly Kapoor writing this). Her wedding pics are amazing! I absolutely love her dress, her bouquet, the smiles on Bill & Hill's face. She did an excellent job of combining classic and traditional with modern. She created a timeless affair. I love how she had an interfaith ceremony having both a rabbi and pastor officiating. I don't think we see many interfaith weddings, but they are so special as they are truly two different cultures coming together.

There are a few celebrities that also wed this weekend: Alicia Keys and Swizz Beats, Tiny and T.I., and DJ Jazzy Jeff. I've seen a few pics of Alicia Keys. She looked stunning as well and rocked the baby bump. However, I will say that I'm not a big fan of celebrity weddings (those of actors, musicians and sports stars). I will say that the weddings of Jenna Bush and Chelsea Clinton's have been my favorite.

A Promise to Ourselves

recently i read the book A Promise to Ourselves by Alec Baldwin. it details his struggle to remain in his daughter's life after his divorce from Kim Basinger. Throughout the book, he gives many resources that advocate for fathers' rights. His book was very inspiring, but at the end I never got a sense of closure. I guess it just really set in the reality of our situation. It will be an ongoing battle to remain in my stepdaughter's life. Sadly, for most single parents this is a reality. Fathers are seen as second class parents. No matter how hard I(we) tried to make it one big family for her, there are just too many forces against us. Now she, like many children of divorce or single parents, realizes that her dad's family is the second rate family. So what do we do? Do we keep fighting and forcing a child to spend time with a family she doesn't value? Or do we back off and let her live her life and continue to live our lives? I don't have an answer. I'm not sure I ever will, but I'm okay with that.

reflections on a high school reunion

attending a high school reunion in 2010 is far different from attending a high school reunion in 1990, hell it's different than attending one in 2000. why? modern technology. we live in an era where we can keep up with others via the internet. I keep in touch with my good friends from high school via facebook, email, etc. However, I have been able to keep in touch with the people I was not as close with via the same channels. Despite this, "in real life" connections are far more valuable. It was good to be in one location this weekend, catching up, reliving old times, taking shots, taking pictures, etc. It reminded me how much I miss my good friends from high school. There is a part of me that still feels as I did in May 2000, which is that I cannot live without them. However, after doing it for five years (I went to college with most of my good friends), it seems easy. It's only when I return home that I feel that void. I want to make an effort to travel to Wichita, Lawrence and KC more often. Even though I am now a Dallas woman through and through, I will always be a Kansas girl at heart!

One thing that I really enjoyed was making connections with people who I knew in high school. One of my schoolmates has lived in Dallas for five years, just as I have. We plan to get together with our husbands for game nights and night-outs. Another schoolmate is traveling to Dallas and we plan to meet up for dinner.

Cheers to a great reunion weekend! Thanks to my husband for being a good sport! He actually enjoyed meeting all of my old classmates and learning about the Wichita Ashlea! S-O-U-T-H-E-A-S-T! Southeast! Go Buffs

some house pictures

I've posted pictures of my three favorite rooms in our home

the kitchen - I love the space! I can cook and not be confined. My dogs can spread on the floor to sleep while I cook. I love it! I also love the look of the kitchen. The faux granite countertops and dark wood cabinets give it a traditional yet modern look. The kitchen also includes some custom updates. I love our range, oven and microwave. Oh and I love having a dishwasher that actually cleans the dishes.We added our own refrigerator which we bought brand new.

the family room - this is the room that needs the most work, but I know it will soon be our favorite. The previous owner put in double doors that lead out to the patio. I love it and the built in blinds! We plan to paint the wood paneling and install hardwood floors for a more contemporary look. We also plan to invest in a flat screen television in the near future!

the dining room (living/dining combo) - i love this room. I have used it as a home office this summer when writing curriculum. Even though we have a home office, I love the view of our front yard from this room.