Thanksgiving 2013

November is always a hard month for me filled with ups & downs. The beginning of the month is hard because it marks the anniversary (is that the right word?) of when my cousin committed suicide five years ago. I wish I could say that it gets easier, but it really doesn't. Those questions still linger in my and my family's minds. I still harbor feelings of regret, sadness, and anger. Mostly anger. Nevertheless, as I go on throughout the month, I'm filled with anxiety and excitement as we prepare for our annual trip to New Jersey.

This year we didn't know if our trip would be possible. I just returned to work in August and our finances are tight, but we were able to score cheap tickets through Spirit Airlines (I know..they're shitty, but we got dirt-cheap tickets) and Murad was able to work for two days while we were in New Jersey, so part of our trip will be reimbursed. We decided to stay 10 days instead of five (mostly because we could only afford the tickets with those dates). It worked out really well because this may be our last Thanksgiving in New Jersey. Murad's family wants to start doing destination Thanksgivings and having us, along with my brother-in-law and girlfriend, host Thanksgiving here in Texas. I am really excited about that. While this trip was good, I think changing it up will be beneficial for our family, especially as we expand in the future. It's so hard to travel each year and now that Joely is two, we have to pay for his plane ticket. Despite this, I am so thankful that we have been able to travel each and every year to celebrate Thanksgiving in New Jersey. Last year, we went to Washington D.C. and this year we visited Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty. Here are some highlights from our trip (and lowlights).

-scoring a parking Groupon for $35. This is seriously awesome considering how much it costs us to park our car while we're gone. The downside was that the lot was not well-lit and the company was kinda shady. They picked us up in a limo when we returned from Philly.
-usually we send Sampson & Maya to the pet hotel while we're gone. This year one of my friends offered to house-sit for us. We got picture messages from her of our babes and it was good to know someone was at our home while we were gone!
-going to the liquor store with my family members! Such bonding!
-sleep-walking into my in-laws bedroom, hitting my father-in-law on the head and climbing into bed with them. yep! That really happened! If you want the full story, just ask!
-going to Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty with Murad's family. We did a ferry tour with two stops. It was so cool to see both sites and to witness American history. I know Joely's too young to remember this, but one of the things I'm proud of is that he's so well-traveled. I want him to be exposed to so many places and to see how others live. I'm glad we've started that at such a young age. Also, Joely and his cousin Daniel became Junior Rangers at Ellis Island and got to pose with a Ranger.
-Spending Thanksgiving Day with Murad's mom's family and then coming back to his dad's house for more Thanksgiving celebrating.
-Going to a 76ers game. Even though we lost, I still had a fun. We had really good seats and I just love basketball. It's my favorite sport! I didn't like seeing punk-ass Anthony Davis (former Kentucky player and current New Orleans Pelicans player).
-Hanging out with friends. We went out one night with some of Murad's friends, and we also went to Atlantic City with some friends. We didn't win any money (we lost $30), but our friends won $395!
-Going to an Eagles game! We splurged and bought tickets and I'm so glad we did. We had the best seats we've ever had. It was the perfect weather for an outdoors game and we won!!!! Woo-hoo!

We really tried to do a lot during this trip, but some of my favorite memories come from hanging out at Murad's dad's house with family. Joely really enjoyed his time with his grandparents. He wanted to do everything with Pop-pop and act like his big cousin Daniel. Even though we love living in Texas, it is hard knowing that he won't grow up near any of his grandparents. Murad and I are still trying to convince both of our parents to relocate here, but we'll see what happens. We're just thankful to have them in our lives and to be able to visit them when we can.

Play Room

We never use our home office now that I returned to work full-time. I decided the room would better serve as a play room for Joely. I think I'm going to paint the room a medium blue. I scored a $10 blue locker light and I have a sports themed comforter to go on the futon in there. I'm going to put his basketball goal and bounce-house in there, but keep his bookcase and glider in the nursery. The lady from whom I bought the locker light was also selling some locker cubbies, but I got there too late. I'll be on the look-out for those as well. I have a lot of packing and storage to organize over the next month and a half. My goal is for the play room to be done by the new year. I'm hoping to slowly ease him into this room because he will eventually move into this room.

Halloween 2013

This was Joely's first year to go trick-or-treating. I'm not sure if he understood the concept, but once we got to our 3rd house, he was grabbing handfuls out of our neighbors' buckets. Thankfully, they were all excited to see him. We had a pretty busy week. We didn't get our Halloween decorations up until the weekend before Halloween, and as a result, they're still out. On Wednesday, Joely attended the Safety Kids puppet show our Peer Mediators performed at one of the local elementary schools. Then he came back to my office for some play-time with my co-workers.
That evening we attended one of the high school's interactive performance of HalloWonderland. Then we went to Raising Cane's for dinner to support the high school's student council.
The next day Joely had his Halloween festival at school. He wore his Daniel Tiger costume to school. I happened to take him to school that day and he was a little shocked to see everyone in costumes. That evening, we went trick-or-treating. Joely was so cute. He didn't say trick-or-treat even though we practiced, but he did say thank you to each person. We arrived back home around 8:00pm and let Joely eat a couple of pieces of candy. Bad idea! He was running around like a crack head! It was quite a sight to see. He helped us pass out candy for a bit, and then he crashed at 9:00pm (which is pretty late for this little guy). I was a little worried about going off our schedule, but in true Joely fashion he was up at his regular time the next day.
Saturday night we attended a Halloween party of Murad's old co-worker. We ate well and came home late that night, but guess who was up at 4:45am on daylight savings day: Joel Soup! Oh well! You win some; you lose some!

School Picture

This is one of Joely's school pictures. He was not too happy about taking pictures. Thank God he's good-looking.

How I Know We're Soulmates

I know it sounds cliche to say that as the years roll by I fall more in love with my husband, but it really is true. We're approaching year 5 in March 2014. Since becoming parents 2 1/2 years ago, our relationship has changed dramatically. While some grow apart, I think I've realized more and more why we're supposed to be together forever. That's not to say that our marriage is not without challenges, but each day we're learning more about how to make our marriage work. I think the hardest part is putting our marriage first, but we're slowly learning.

1. We both love old homes.
We've been talking about moving in four or five years to a bigger home, possibly a two-story home (if we can afford it). We really love living in Plano, so we'd likely stay in this area maybe within our neighborhood. Our house was built in 1973, so it's definitely seasoned. We love that. Our home has so much character. I also like that there is only one other look-alike house in our neighborhood. We've been driving around looking at neighborhoods, and I think we were both relieved that neither one of us wanted a "new" house (something built in the last 15 years) or to try to build a house (not that we could afford to anyways).

2. We both love the terrible-twos.
The terrible twos are terrible most days, but it's because there is a lot of learning going on. Learning on our part and Joely's. We love watching him learn something or figure out something. We love watching him attempt to be independent. This really is a magical age.

3. We believe in relevant consequences.
Last night we went to dinner at my cousin's house. We both felt a sense of relief in learning that she and her husband do not spank their son. I always thought spanking was the norm and that you weren't a good parent unless you spanked. Recently, Murad and I realized that spanking didn't work with Joel (we rarely did it. I think only when he did something dangerous). In fact, we realized that Joely responded better to different consequences. Time-out has been such a blessing to us. Joely actually likes time-outs because he can remove himself from the stressor or distraction, he comes back refreshed and ready to play. Also, Joely really understands verbal communication, and can read non-verbal cues very well. Today, he just started saying "sorry" when he does something wrong. More importantly, we don't want Joely to ever fear us. We want him to come to us if he's in trouble. We also want to show him that just like we expect him to respect us, we respect him as well. We are his parents and he is our child, but we can still show mutual respect.

4. We love discounts.
I think most people like to brag about how much money they spend on things. We like to brag about how much money we save. If you come to our home you'll see very few "new" items. We do that we because we like recycled and repurposed furniture. It makes our house feel like a home. It also feels good to say that we bought a "brand new chaise lounge from our neighbors for $50," or "I got this Nike outfit for Joel for $12 instead of $50."

5. We realize we're works in progress.
We're still learning how to be adults. We're still navigating this world in which we live. We make mistakes daily. Big mistakes. Small mistakes. We're learning how to manage our money better (funny how more money really does create more problems!) Saving more, etc. We're learning how to parent as well. Fortunately, we try to laugh as we go through life together.

6. We've learned to lean on each other.
I think now more than ever we reflect on our vows. We've learned to support each other through the hard times and what support really is. Each day we learn something new and it brings us a little closer to each other.

Peaking in...

Today, I had the chance to peak in on Joely during free-time. His class was in the gym playing. The girls all sat in a circle talking and playing with small objects. The boys threw balls and chased each other around the gym.

"It's already starting? The boy/girl segregation?" I asked his teacher.

"Yep. Already. They do it on their own," she replied.

When Joely saw me, he stopped chasing the ball and ran up to me. "Mommy, mommy!" I could just melt. He threw his arms around me. Then he did something he's never done. He ran back to his teacher, inched up close to her and gave her a hug. Could he be any sweeter? I need to remember these times when he's on the floor having a tantrum, or when we get a report from school saying he bit someone (we're a week and a half bite-free!). I also love hearing his sweet little singing voice. Yesterday, he sang all through the grocery store. Luckily, he has a pretty good voice.

I leave you with a picture that Murad snapped today. He said he turned around to check on Joely. Joely found his Spiderman sunglasses in Murad's backseat and put them on. He's so obsessed with putting things on head: necklaces, hats, bowls, sunglasses, Murad's XBox gear, etc. He may be too cool for school, but he'll always be my baby! Ignore the fact that the backpack is around his back, please.

We've Survived!

We made it through one month of preschool! Today, I paid the tuition for October (ouch!) and realized that we had successfully made it. It hasn't been without ups and downs. Joely still has anxiety when we drop him off each morning, but he loves it once he gets there. He's had some issues with pinching, scratching and biting other children. We're not sure if he's doing it to be mean or because he likes them. We're trying to model good behavior and it seems like we have some good days and bad days. Nevertheless, his teachers and director are all very supportive of how we address it at home and address it the same way at school. I think that's what has been very important to us. We had such a horrible first daycare experience that I quit my job and worked from home for a year. I sent him to an in-home daycare with one other kid part-time for that year and now we're back, but in a whole new situation. I was hesitant about putting him in an actual daycare center/preschool as opposed to an in-home daycare, but all of my fears have been put to ease. Everyone at his school knows him. Everyone at his school smiles and seems happy to be there. The kids seem happy to be there. We love that the center is filled with activities and equipment that appeal to the multiple intelligences. We also like that there is not a big focus on technology. I can't tell you how many schools we visited that boasted using ABCMouse.com (which we have at home, but we use it sparingly) or some other technology application. His school library has two or three computers that students can use, but it's definitely not the focus like at some places. Speaking of library, Joely loves to "read." Instead of reading to him, Joely wants to get "book" and show us the pictures, "see, see." It's so cute. I love hearing his little voice getting excited about what he's learned. Joely is also a pretty popular guy at school. All the kids say hi and bye to him when we drop him off and pick him up. He loves to sing in the circle with the kids. I'm just so happy that things are working out for him. This makes returning to work full-time 10x easier than I expected. I'm feeling very blessed to be in this moment. I feel like we finally have the life we envisioned when we married (well, before we married). Murad and I muse that we're finally having "kid" problems. No more baby problems. I thought I'd be sad. I will admit there are days that I long to hold a little 3 or 4 month old, smell a baby's breath, and nurse a baby (I know. I'm weird). However, I am completely in love with this little boy. He has given us so, so much joy. He's been such a light in our lives. He's more than we ever could have asked for, and at times I feel as though we don't deserve him. That's why I'm so glad that we found a school that fits him. I'm glad we found a school where he is loved. I'm glad we found school where he learns. I'm glad we found a school where he's happy! This one thing makes me feel as though I'm doing something right as his mama.