Wednesday, November 11, 2009

do I need help?

first of all, I've been an emotional wreck the past few days.

1. I had to have a mental just let it go day for crying. I allowed myself the whole day on Saturday, but only cried for an hour. pretty good for me.

2. it's that time of the month

3. today one of my students came back to class after fainting and suffering from amnesia. I thought I was prepared for it, but when he was in class it was so surreal. I couldn't believe that he didn't remember me, his classmates, or anything. It was like he was a new student that I was introducing to my class. I was really concerned that his personality and spirit might be gone, but it was there. He has such a lively (talkative) and kind personality. Some of things he said in class were funny and provided a little relief for my nerves, like when he asked one girl, "no offense. I'm not trying to get in your personal business, but are you a talkative person?" Ironically, he and that girl used to chat it up prior to his accident.

4. okay, so loyal readers I've been debating whether to post this on here for the world to see. I am extremely claustrophobic. Some of you have been so kind wanting for Mr. Soup and I to go on a cruise. I suggested it to him last night since it would be in his price range. He was like, "babe I don't want to go do this experiment to see if you can handle staying in a small room on a cruise ship. This is our honeymoon and I want it to be a good experience for you." However, I was like I need to get over this. I mean seriously, why can't I be in small spaces? However, when I went to look up the dates we want to take our honeymoon, the prices were too high (spring break), so I took it as a sign that we should not go on a cruise. Am I just looking for a way out? maybe. but I'm wondering how much this phobia affects my life. When did it begin? Maybe you can psychoanalyze me:

1. I cannot stand to have blankets over my head. My husband sleeps with our comforter over his head every night. I rest it comfortably at my chest.

2. I cannot ride elevators alone. I tried it once at the beginning of the school year and I started sweating and crying. I always make a student or another teacher ride it with me, or I put the equipment in the elevator and then run upstairs to meet it.

I think my fear of elevators might be separate from my claustophobia. I've been "trapped" in an elevator twice in my life. Once in 2nd grade (i wasn't trapped, but my friend and I didn't get off in time at the museum for a class field trip. we got stuck there for maybe five minutes. even then I had that panicky feeling. I started breathing hard, sweating and crying. I was mortified when the doors opened and my classmates laughed at me!) When I was student teaching they had just "fixed" an elevator in the school. I went to grab a TV/VCR and as I entered the elevator I calmly pushed the buttons and the lights went off. The elevator stopped for 10 minutes. there were no lights to see the buttons. luckily it started up again and I was on the right floor.

so what can I do to get over these two fears?

3. locked rooms---my cousin used to lock me and my brother in my grandma's basement for fun. as a result I was extremely scared of the freezer when I worked at Baskin-Robbins.

so, what should I do? I'm open to all suggestions. there are some treatments and therapies available.

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