Thursday, June 10, 2010

what i've seen

things are different this summer. my stepdaughter used to be so eager to come spend her summers here and now she's not. She whines and cries every night. She has good eventful days, and then when it's time for bed is when the whining starts.
She used to be so sweet, kind and generous. She used to have nothing but nice things to say about people. The other day she had a play-date with my friend's daughter and she called my friend mean for making her clean up her snack area. She would've never done that before. She used to take pride in doing the right thing. I feel like I don't know her. I can't blame her though. we are the product of environment and when no one has held you accountable for your actions, why start now.
I so wanted for her to be accountable. I wanted her to be healthy. I wanted her to have a chance at going to college. I wanted her to be safe. I wanted her to have a childhood as close to normal as possible. I have to realize that these wants are just not possible. I know I don't always quote it right, but one mother from "Autism: The Musical" said something very powerful. "I have to accept that my child's normal is not what I wanted it to be." And I have to accept the same for my stepdaughter and learn to be okay with it.
Her mother wants another chance to be the mother she couldn't be before. And I understand that and I accept that. Besides, I think if it is possible, safe and healthy, then a mother should be with her child. I just hope that it is the safest and healthiest option for her.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, especially my stepdaughter. Let's make this the best week and a half possible!

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