How are things going for me?

People always ask me how it's going being back in the workforce. I have to remind people that I still worked when I was home with Joel. I just didn't work a traditional 9-5, but I digress. Well, working outside of the home again has been the biggest blessing for our family.

Financial
We were able to stay afloat for most of the time while I was home with Joely, but we never really had room for extras. We had to abandon some of our home improvement projects, we weren't able to save, and we couldn't pay off debts as quickly as we used to. However, we did do some remodeling and we were able to buy a new-to-us car. However, my paychecks weren't steady and in the summer I lost some contracts (and walked away from a horrible writing job) which really rocked us financially. Now, we're working to rebuild our financial security. We have money for extras and we're doing some small DIY home improvement projects.

Fulfillment
I have a job that makes me feel like I'm making a difference in the world. I'm able to use my creativity to craft appealing, interesting presentations. I'm able to tap into my curiosity to research, analyze and evaluate various programs. I'm also able to interact directly with youth which is a huge bonus!

Modern Family
When Murad and I first married this was the life I envisioned for us. We get up every morning and help each other get ourselves and Joely ready for school. We balance brushing our teeth, reading, eating, and dressing to get out of the door by 7:30am. Our evenings are spent cooking, watching movies, doing laundry, and playing in the yard when weather permits. We're balancing pediatrician appointments, late night meetings, last minute emergencies, etc. Our life is beautiful chaos.

Joely
We probably never would've thought to send Joely to school at two, and honestly, I kind of wanted to steer away from Montessori. It always sounded pretentious to me. I planned to stay home with Joely and send him to his sitter part-time and to the little Lutheran pre-school around the corner a couple of mornings a week. I'm very thankful that this worked out. He loves going to school and I'm so thankful he is able to attend a diverse school with children of all ethnicities. Growing up, my schools were pretty homogeneous until I got to middle school. I was always the only or one of a few black or mixed kids in my school. Joel is learning so much, and I really don't think we'd be this far in potty-training if he went anywhere else.

I think the only Campbell folks not benefiting from me being at work are our dogs. Poor Sam and Maya spend more time at home and go on less walks. Fortunately, I have summers off, so I'll be able to walk them then. Of course, it'll be hotter than Hades when that happens. Oh, well.

That's how things are going for us in the Soup Kitchen. All's good now that Mama is a working again!

Happy New Year, Folks!

2013 has come and gone! While it was a great year, I'm more than ready for 2014! Well, good thing! It's here!
This weekend is a little weird for me. My husband and son are on a road trip. Yep! A father/son road trip. They're stopping at my parents' house tonight and then heading to western Kansas to visit my stepdaughter, Abby. We were able to spend Christmas with Abby and her family this year. Since our spring is pretty hectic, Murad and Joely decided to make a trip to see her again now. She's having a hard time again. They just moved (again)to a different small town in Kansas. I think this makes move #5 for the 2013-14 school year. We talked to Abby about possibly living with her grandmother permanently (we'd love for her to come live with us, but Texas might be too far from her family for her), but Abby extremely loyal to her mom and doesn't want to abandon her at this time. We're respecting her wishes, and offering support when we can.

So, this weekend, they're gone and I'm up late looking through photos from 2013. I like the quiet and having a clean home, but I miss my boys. Fortunately, I have my furry-babies to keep me company.

I've almost got Joel's playroom complete. I need to paint it, but I'm really impressed with how it all turned out. The great thing is that he loves it! He loves to play ball in there, watch TV and color. The room is pretty relaxing. I find myself watching TV in there after he goes to bed. We're kind of preparing the room for him. We're hoping, if it's God's will, that we'll have another baby soon. Joely will then move out of the nursery and into the playroom (big boy room). For now, we're content with the playing purpose of the room. We're actually pretty content with our family too. If we add to it, even better. If not, we're a happy bunch of three (or five if you count Sampson & Maya).

Murad and I refrained from making New Year's resolutions, but we did vow to better ourselves. I'm working with the Plano Environmental Committee to become a volunteer. We're also looking for a way to take a Spanish class. Murad actually suggested it, and I'm totally excited to do something just the two of us. We kind of let those moments get by us in 2012. We were better about scheduling date nights in 2013, but for 2014 we wanna do more activities together. Plus, if we learn Spanish, it'll help us in our jobs. It'll also help Joely. He only gets Spanish once a week at his school, so we're hoping to support and expand it at home. We're also hoping to find a new church home. We're looking for a more open, accepting and service oriented church.

This post would not be complete without an update on our little man! Joely is constantly flourishing. His language is developing daily. Today he saw some lights twinkling far behind a field and he goes, "fireflies!" It was just a cell tower in the distance, but he didn't know. He also likes to point to his favorite Jayhawk shirt. When he says it, he can't pronounce his R's very well. "Mama, it's Jayhawk shit!" So, so funny. Right now he's going through a sports phase. He wants to carry a ball wherever he goes. He's either kicking, throwing or bouncing a ball (he calls basketball "BB-ball"). He also loves to draw pictures for us. One of his favorite activities is cleaning. I wanna see if I can get him a little kitchen set as he likes to point out the fruits and vegetables as I cook. We're working at potty training still. Apparently, he goes regularly at school, but he's not so good about going at home. We decided against moving him up the 3 class until he's pottying at home and school regularly. I think my favorite thing right now are Joely's hugs and kisses. Some days he'll look at me and go, "mommy hug." Then he leans over and gives me the biggest hug. Thinking about those hugs right now makes me miss him even more. Monday will arrive soon and I'll be back to motherhood. I tried to soak up as many hugs as I could before he left, but it's. just. not. enough.

Thanksgiving 2013

November is always a hard month for me filled with ups & downs. The beginning of the month is hard because it marks the anniversary (is that the right word?) of when my cousin committed suicide five years ago. I wish I could say that it gets easier, but it really doesn't. Those questions still linger in my and my family's minds. I still harbor feelings of regret, sadness, and anger. Mostly anger. Nevertheless, as I go on throughout the month, I'm filled with anxiety and excitement as we prepare for our annual trip to New Jersey.

This year we didn't know if our trip would be possible. I just returned to work in August and our finances are tight, but we were able to score cheap tickets through Spirit Airlines (I know..they're shitty, but we got dirt-cheap tickets) and Murad was able to work for two days while we were in New Jersey, so part of our trip will be reimbursed. We decided to stay 10 days instead of five (mostly because we could only afford the tickets with those dates). It worked out really well because this may be our last Thanksgiving in New Jersey. Murad's family wants to start doing destination Thanksgivings and having us, along with my brother-in-law and girlfriend, host Thanksgiving here in Texas. I am really excited about that. While this trip was good, I think changing it up will be beneficial for our family, especially as we expand in the future. It's so hard to travel each year and now that Joely is two, we have to pay for his plane ticket. Despite this, I am so thankful that we have been able to travel each and every year to celebrate Thanksgiving in New Jersey. Last year, we went to Washington D.C. and this year we visited Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty. Here are some highlights from our trip (and lowlights).

-scoring a parking Groupon for $35. This is seriously awesome considering how much it costs us to park our car while we're gone. The downside was that the lot was not well-lit and the company was kinda shady. They picked us up in a limo when we returned from Philly.
-usually we send Sampson & Maya to the pet hotel while we're gone. This year one of my friends offered to house-sit for us. We got picture messages from her of our babes and it was good to know someone was at our home while we were gone!
-going to the liquor store with my family members! Such bonding!
-sleep-walking into my in-laws bedroom, hitting my father-in-law on the head and climbing into bed with them. yep! That really happened! If you want the full story, just ask!
-going to Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty with Murad's family. We did a ferry tour with two stops. It was so cool to see both sites and to witness American history. I know Joely's too young to remember this, but one of the things I'm proud of is that he's so well-traveled. I want him to be exposed to so many places and to see how others live. I'm glad we've started that at such a young age. Also, Joely and his cousin Daniel became Junior Rangers at Ellis Island and got to pose with a Ranger.
-Spending Thanksgiving Day with Murad's mom's family and then coming back to his dad's house for more Thanksgiving celebrating.
-Going to a 76ers game. Even though we lost, I still had a fun. We had really good seats and I just love basketball. It's my favorite sport! I didn't like seeing punk-ass Anthony Davis (former Kentucky player and current New Orleans Pelicans player).
-Hanging out with friends. We went out one night with some of Murad's friends, and we also went to Atlantic City with some friends. We didn't win any money (we lost $30), but our friends won $395!
-Going to an Eagles game! We splurged and bought tickets and I'm so glad we did. We had the best seats we've ever had. It was the perfect weather for an outdoors game and we won!!!! Woo-hoo!

We really tried to do a lot during this trip, but some of my favorite memories come from hanging out at Murad's dad's house with family. Joely really enjoyed his time with his grandparents. He wanted to do everything with Pop-pop and act like his big cousin Daniel. Even though we love living in Texas, it is hard knowing that he won't grow up near any of his grandparents. Murad and I are still trying to convince both of our parents to relocate here, but we'll see what happens. We're just thankful to have them in our lives and to be able to visit them when we can.

I have not blogged in a while

Tonight, I felt completely overwhelmed with laundry and housework. Our laundry baskets are overflowing, and there are clean clothes that need to be put away. I cleaned half of both bathrooms. And don't even get me started on organizing our office. I took cleaned up some, folded some laundry and then decided to sit down and update my blog. However, I'm just now getting around to it because I've been reading about everyone's wonderful lives on Blogger. I will say, it's so much more fulfilling to read blogs than Facebook statuses. I feel like those are kinda like short screams. Blogger makes me feel as though I'm watching a play. I picture you writing your posts. Some of you I picture with pumpkin lattes from Starbucks, while others I picture stealing some alone time near a good window. Thank you for letting me peak into your lives.

So much has occurred since my June 20th post. I'm working full-time again. Joely is in preschool. Murad is running groups for MDA. Our house is falling apart (not just because of laundry and cleaning...) Nevertheless, we're all happy and healthy, for the most part.

June kind of hit me hard. I applied for, interviewed for and accepted my dream job with my old district; however, many of my writing and online teaching contracts ended unexpectedly. I scrambled to find work and really struggled to make ends meet. It was a difficult time for me, but I'm very fortunate to be able to slowly pick myself back up financially. I'm also learning to take it one day at a time, celebrate successes, problem-solve for failures and be thankful that I got through the summer. I did have a great time working at the writing center, editing dissertations, writing for online magazines and teaching high school students through Upward Bound.

Since the middle of August, I have been working for my old school district as a Student Assistance Program Specialist. You might ask what that position entails. I sort of work as a prevention specialist by coordinating many of the prevention programs - bullying, drugs, & alcohol. I also do team-building on the secondary campuses for teachers, other specialists and student groups. Things I love about my job:
-getting to dress up each day
-having a cubicle
-wearing heels every day
-free bottles of water
-visiting all the schools
-working with kids
-learning about all the different schools
-my coworkers
-having a 12 minute commute

things I don't like:
-my feet hurt all the time
-my knees hurt
-it's cold in our office. like really, really cold

Since I decided to go back to work and Joel's sitter decided to go back to school, we started looking at preschool/daycares. We toured what seemed like thousands of schools (it was like five) and finally found one we loved. It's in Richardson, so I get an RISD teacher discount, but it's close enough to Plano that Murad can take him to school on his way to downtown Dallas. It's a Montessori school with a daycare in it, so Joel goes to school from 8:00am-3:00pm. From 3:00pm-6:30pm are daycare hours (and 7:00am-8:00am). Murad usually drops him off at 7:45am and I pick him up around 4:45pm most days. We have really been impressed with the education he's receiving. He barely talked before and now he's saying sentences. He puts his toys away and his plates away at each meal. Today he spilled yogurt on himself and he came up to me and asked, "Can you help me?" Tonight he told Murad, "Daddy, I'm tired!" He's started singing his ABC's and he's counting more. He loves to read us books and he holds up the pages to us so that we can see the pictures. Of course, he's still obsessed with Elmo, so most of the books he picks feature him. He also loves looking at the babies in the nursery at his school. Sending him to school has not been without challenges. He cried everyday for the first couple of weeks. Yesterday, he threw up 3x at school and once at home. Last week he got in trouble for pinching and biting the same kid two days in a row. Today, he got a bad report for scratching two other kids. We do not know what is going on. We've tried lecturing him about his behavior, but it's kinda hard because we're doing it so late after the fact. I tried acting out with Elmo & Cookie Monster as models how to behave. He rolled his eyes. Oh yeah, he's been rolling eyes at anyone who says something he doesn't like. His behavior sometimes rivals that of a teenage girl. I know all this is normal toddler behavior, but it is overwhelmingly frustrating. I just wish I knew what was going through his head. I can't help but wonder if it's something more than normal toddler behavior. Is there something we're missing? I could worry myself into a frenzy if I let myself. I think some of it is guilt too. Our previous, previous daycare providers were less than stellar which prompted me to stay home with him. Also, Murad had a lot of apprehension about me returning to work. I know he loved having me home with Joely, and like me, could see the benefit of Joel having a stay-at-home mom. However, I do think Joely having a mom who is happy with her career is okay too. I feel like we have a new life each year, and I'm falling in love with our new life and finding joy in all that Joely is learning even if it means I have to share him with others.

Maya has to have surgery. She injured herself playing/fighting with Sampson. I'm too upset to really finish typing about it. They always go crazy in the summer due to the heat, but this summer was bad. I love my Maya.

Yeah. Our house. We planned to start renovating our master bathroom. We've got foundation problems to fix. So, for now we're all using Joel's bathroom until we can finish gutting ours....I must say that despite all the issues this house has, I love it. It's so perfect for our little family. I feel like we've really made it our home. I also really love living in Plano. Each day I discover another treasure (usually a restaurant). I'm so glad Joely will grow up here. I have to remind myself that despite all the hurdles that I feel were suddenly thrust my way, God has given me the strength to get through them. I'm also very thankful for the life I have. I'm finally doing a job I love. Murad loves his job. I feel like we've finally arrived where we thought we'd be when we first started this journey together. It seems so surreal. I have to remind myself that it's real. When I get down on myself, I try to remind myself that I have a beautiful family and rewarding career.

Our New Life

As the school year winds down, I'm busier than ever. My grades for the community college are due Sunday and I have yet to do them. I'm in the middle of a training for one of my part-time jobs (more on that later). Tomorrow we head to a baby modeling casting call so that we can attempt to put some money away for Joel to attend college (don't worry...baby modeling is not our only mode of saving for college). Our six year anniversary is next week. Joel turns one on the 22nd. We leave for Philadelphia a few days later where we will celebrate one Joel-birthday and friends' wedding. The school year will end and I will not only pack up my classroom for the summer, but I will pack up forever. Family will travel to Texas for Joel's birthday party (his 2nd one). whew. sounds like a lot, right? It is.
This has been our life for the past few months. I think we always have something. Up until May 1st, it was Murad studying, studying, studying, etc. He did a very good job of balancing his parental duties with studying, but I know it was draining. With his new ADHD medication, he was able to be more focused, but it drained him emotionally and physically. Luckily, he was able to find a dosage that works better so that he's not so tired, hungry and grouchy (yes. I said it!) I loved coming home and finding my honey-do list complete! On May 1st, Murad passed his LMSW exam. He is now a licensed master social worker. This means so many things for our family, but it means the most to my husband. It's the validation he needed to feel good about being a social worker. Getting his master's degree was a huge accomplishment, but you really can't do anything with the degree without the license (or at least make a decent living). Now, he has the opportunity to move up at work, take on PRN jobs or just look for a whole new job. He's got so many options and I think that's what he is really excited about, especially now that we have a family. For now, he's comfortable staying at his current job, especially since it is so flexible.

With his licensure, Murad really encouraged and supported me as I turned in my resignation. Prior to him obtaining his license, I felt a little apprehensive about resigning. I kept saying I was 90% sure. My biggest concerns were financial, but Murad kept telling me that we'd be fine no matter what. Over the past five months, we've just been thinking and praying hard on this. I've been unhappy at work for a while and it doesn't seem like things will get any better next fall. Our former daycare situation scarred us and left us feeling that Joel needs to be home with his parents more. We absolutely love his new sitter and feel as though he has grown so much as a result of her care; however, the selfish part of me wants more time with my boy. The mommy part of me thinks he needs to be with me more. Honestly, I just love spending every minute I can with him. Despite this, I know he needs regular interaction with other adults and children, so we plan to send him to his sitter's twice a week (or more).


I am sad about leaving teaching. I think about all the things I'll miss about being around kids all day and it makes me very, very sad. I think about the friends I've made while working, and I feel overwhelmed with sadness. I feel like I'm abandoning them. the students. my friends. When I think about all the fun things Joel and I will do, it makes it worth it. I smile just thinking about the days ahead. So, on Tuesday I told my principal I would not be coming back and today I turned in my resignation forms. My principal was not happy. In fact, I was shocked at how sad he was. I just have to remember that my family needs me and that I will be extremely happy.

We can afford for me to work part-time, so I plan to teach a couple of classes at the local community college in the evening. Despite this, I also signed up to TA at an online university to make some extra money. Of course, I'll still write. In fact, if writing goes well, I'll drop one of the other jobs. I just think with still having an outstanding hospital bill, saving for a new car, and maybe someday having another baby, it would be good to have a cushion. Plus, having a home comes with unexpected financial surprises and we have seriously depleted our vacation fund(this summer, we're leaving Joel with my parents for a couple of nights while we attend a wedding. I told Murad if all goes well, we could go on another cruise for our 4 year anniversary. gotta start saving now!)

I think the funny part is I'm not struggling with finding my new identity. I guess it's because I get to have the best of both worlds. I'll still get to work outside the home which is something I really want to do, but I'll get to experience being a SAHM. Growing up, my parents both worked full-time outside of the home. Because they worked opposite shifts, it never felt as though we were stuck in daycare. My mom was able to spend the mornings and early afternoons with us, while my dad was on evening and bedtime duty. My parents were always "there." This was something I didn't realize or never really thought about. I didn't realize how badly I wanted it for Joel. Thankfully, Murad wants that too. So now, in true Soup fashion, we are creating our own little culture. We're both still going after our career dreams and passions, but we're also shaping our lives around an important little guy: Joel!

Merry Christmas

If I had to write this post on December 22nd, the tone would be quite different than it is today, Christmas Day (technically the 26th). I had a specific vision in my head as to how Joely's first Christmas would be. We would travel to Nana and Papa's house in Kansas. Joely would attend Christmas Eve church service where everyone would ooh and aahhh over him. That evening we would open one gift and my parents (Nana and Papa) would fuss over getting a good shot of him tearing at the wrapping paper. Those dreams were dashed when we discovered that Joely had RSV....

On December 22nd, Joely woke up with a slight cough. We didn't think anything of it because he had been battling an ear infection (more about the possibility of tubes in another post). I sent Joely to daycare so that I could do some packing as we planned to get on the road early the next morning. Later that day Christy texted me saying that Joel was coughing and wheezing. I rushed over there to pick him up and quickly made an appointment to see Dr. Ramirez. Dr. Ramirez's nurse did an RSV test and it came back positive. Dr. Ramirez felt badly because we had been in her office on Monday for an ear infection, and she thought he may have picked it up then. Since Joely is so young, she went ahead and put him in the hospital. She thought that it would help him get over it quickly, but after we got there we realized that any hopes of leaving the hospital before Christmas Eve were quickly dashed.

Murad and I were so scared. As new parents, we didn't know what to expect. Was it life threatening? Is he in pain? Can we do anything to help? The answer to all questions is yes! The biggest thing we could do for Joely was be there for him. There really is no way to treat RSV, but he had the undergo breathing treatments, nose-suctioning and just being in a different environment. Anytime we got Joely to calm down and rest, we were interrupted by respiratory therapists or nurses. He was on an every three-hour treatment schedule. There were a few times when we got Joely down to sleep only to have him stir slightly, wake himself up and start screaming after realizing he wasn't in his nursery. There was even one time after a nose suctioning session when he sat up, looked angrily at the nurse and started pointing his hand. It was so sad, but too cute!

We woke up Christmas Eve day hoping to go home, but Joely still sounded wheezy. his oxygen saturation levels were 100%, but Dr. Ramirez worried that he'd go home and end up back in the hospital. We trust her completely, so we saddled up for another night on the twin hospital bed (yes...Murad and both slept on a twin bed). Through it all, we were thankful to have each other. We quickly learned to lean on each other for support, take turns comforting Joely, and picking our battles with the nursing/RT staff (don't get me started on them!). I don't think I realize how much of a partner I have in Murad. I think I sometimes feels as though as a mother I do most of the parenting, but being in the hospital really showed me that we do a good job of splitting our parenting duties. I think Joely looks to Murad for comfort just as much as he looks to me for comfort.

I also think I really understood the meaning of Christmas (or maybe Easter?). Joely is the most important person in our lives. His health supersedes any grandiose Christmas fantasy I envisioned. I now look back at our experience with RSV a little differently than I did when I learned our Christmas was ruined. Our Christmas wasn't ruined because I had all the family I needed and I got the best Christmas gift ever...taking my baby boy home! Woo-hoo!

In true Nana Babs fashion, my mom found someone to deliver Joely's Christmas gifts to him. My parents' neighbor has a son who lives in Plano. On his way back from visiting his mother, he and his wife are going to drop Joel's presents by. Fortunately, we had bought him some gifts, Christy and Abuela had bought him a gift and the staff at Presbyterian Plano hospital got him a few gifts. So, yes Joely is definitely spoiled....rotten!

While we got to leave the hospital, it was hard seeing the families that had to stay. Murad saw the hospital Santa walking around to different little kids and felt really sad for them. I, too, felt the same way. Here I was worried about a ruined first Christmas, when I should be thankful for my baby boy. Joely brings so much joy to our lives. I didn't think I could love someone as much as I love Joely. He truly is amazing. What would I do without him? I don't want to know. Right now, I want to thank God that I have him as my son!

I leave you with a few Christmas quotes:

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree. ~Roy L. Smith
There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries. ~W.J. Cameron
I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. ~Charles Dickens
I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month. ~Harlan Miller

some quotes from John Ciardi

love this guy's quotes. I don't even know who he is? Maybe I should look him up. I have this one on my teacher bulletin board in my room:
The classroom should be an entrance into the world, not an escape from it.
I think this pretty much sums up why I teach. Each year it is a struggle to make lessons exciting and fresh for students, especially when I'm essentially told what to teach (more on that in another entry), but I do it to open a world for students. Maybe, just maybe they'll discover a dream or become inspired in my classroom. On Saturday mornings when I dread driving out to McKinney to teach those "developmental" writers, I remind myself that they're already on their journey toward their dream (or maybe they're rediscovering it or maybe it's changed). I get to help them find their voice and be heard. I help them discover the world around them. They (junior high and college) help me do the same. I've learned so much about the world from them. I think there are so many times that I assume that everyone had the same supportive parents that I did. I think my definition of what a good parent is changes too. I no longer look down on those parents who don't call me back or show up to parent night or send their kids to school in dirty clothes. They are parents and 90% of them are doing the best that they can with what they have. My job is to support them in school and open up a world they may never know.
There is nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.
My job is tough and the rewards are few. I like to have fun....in moderation.
Intelligence recognizes what has happened. Genius recognizes what will happen.

Gentility is what is left over from rich ancestors after the money is gone.
So much of who I am is because of my family. Even though my paternal grandparents are gone, I am who I am because of the time they invested in me. The lessons they taught me are invaluable.

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in the students.
This is why I love teaching at a community college. It's all about the students!
Every parent is at some time the father of the unreturned prodigal, with nothing to do but keep his house open to hope.
I don't know what the future holds with my stepdaughter. Even though we can't be a part of her life. I will never give up hope. Parental Alienation Syndrome is a bitch, but I hope in my heart she will beat the odds. I hope she will rise from her circumstances and shine. I don't consider her a prodigal in the truest sense (she's barely 9, let's be real), but I will never give up hope.
Poetry lies its way to the truth.
doesn't it?
Written by a sponge dipped in warm milk and sprinkled with sugar.
That's me!

goals and headaches

Okay, so Mr. Soup and I were really close to closing on May 3rd (almost check on that goal)....it's been pushed back. It's not a big deal, just an annoyance. We have everything set, but they need a month's worth of Mr. Soup's new pay stubs in his new position, so we have to wait on that. I just don't want to extend the closing date any longer....grrr....I hate not being in control and I feel like I'm losing control right now, you know? I just want the keys, damnit. Everything is going to be okay though. I have to have faith. God would not lead us this far and then close the door on it and if He did, there is good reason for it. I will not lie though...I'd be bummed. I absolutely love our new home.

So, Friday was my student-teacher's last day. It was always a goal of mine to have a student-teacher. I loved my student-teaching experience and I wanted to share that with someone. check on that goal. I don't pretend to know everything about teaching (especially not in the days of high-stakes testing), but I feel I do a pretty good job day in and day out. I think most students will say that my classroom is a lot of fun. However, I am pretty firm in my expecations. I expect my students to work hard and to treat each other with respect. Kids know that in Mrs. Soup's class if you act up, I will call you out or call your mama! In fact, I sometimes reference my students' moms in class. Here's an example: Little Joey is talking to his neighbor and drawing instead of working on an assignment. "Joey, I wonder what Tammy would think of these drawings and the fact that you have done none of your assignment, but talked to JEsse the entire time." Yeah, I know. I'm mean, but it works. Having a student-teacher reaffirmed for me that I do have good classroom management and that I strive to be fair.

One goal that I will have to put an uncheck next to is buying a new car. I planned to buy one in May 2011, but after Mr. Soup and I crunched numbers, it's just not possible. I don't have enough saved for a new car and I want to keep my payments under $300 a month. Since we desperately need a seven-seater SUV or crossover, we're looking at payments $350 and up. Even with a car two or three years old, we'd spend a pretty penny. So, i'm going to continue to save. I have a good amount saved now, but I plan to double it and maybe buy a new car in 2012 or 2013. It will be nice not to have a car payment for three years. With the extra money we're saving, we can afford to splurge and have the dogs stay at the Pet Lodge (they love it there! they are the most popular dogs there) when we take trips to Kansas.

Goals...Mr. Soup and I are back on track for eating healthy and losing weight the healthy way. We both increased our work-outs, cut our calorie intake. We've been making lots of smoothies for breakfast. I feel a lot better about how my body is changing. Even in the past week, I've noticed subtle, yet inspiring changes. I hope that after TAKS, I can devote even more time to the gym.

Brad & Angelina break up and other world events....

Personal Updates first:
Murad has dropped 20 lbs. I went to the doctor on Monday and I've lost two pounds. Despite my crying about my weight gain, my doctor said my weight isn't a problem at all, but still. We all want to look better, right?
We found a really cute home for rent. It's perfect....4 bedrooms, 2 bath, 2 car garage, 2 living rooms. However, I'm thinking we shouldn't rent. I just think we'd be throwing away a ton of money when we could save for a house. Nevertheless, I won't hide my eagerness to get out of this apartment. I know next year is a better time to buy since Mr. Soup will be done with grad school and earning a full salary. Also, Mr. Soup is going to look for jobs in Kansas City and Dallas. Either one would be an ideal choice. We have friends and family in Kansas/Missouri and we've built a great life here in Dallas. So it's better to wait to know exactly where we'll be.
I know I have to be patient and continue to save $$$. One thing we have decided to do is expand our search in Dallas. Homes in Richardson are nice, but really small; some less than 2000 sq. feet. I worry that we'd outgrow it in a couple of years, especially since we want to have children soon. We decided to look north. McKinney is too far. Plano: hell no. We're considering Allen. It's far north, but it wouldn't be a bad commute. The homes are larger and compare in price to Richardson. So for now we have a couple of neighborhoods in Richardson/N. Dallas narrowed down and we'll add some in Allen to our list as well.
okay, so I chopped off inches yesterday. My hair had just gotten so long and unhealthy. I never really had a hair style and as a result my hair had no shape. I like the new hair cut, it's just hard to get used to right away. I'm used to running my fingers through long hair that falls past my shoulders. Now it's at my chin. I'm sure no one will mistake me for a sixteen year old anymore! That is okay. I'm learning to embrace getting older. I'm actually excited to turn 28 on Tuesday. My life is wonderful and I only have good things to look forward to as we grow older.
World Events:
Brad & Angelina? This doesn't really affect my life except for the fact that now Murad and I are America's cutest couple. We're eager for the paparazzi to start invading our lives, star in movies, earn millions, vacation all over the world, etc.
Conan? I can't believe all the drama that went along with that. I didn't watch his last episode (I wish I would've), but I'm sad to see him go.
Haiti- I watched part of the concert for charity on Friday. I am overwhelmed by the way Americans are pouring out support. I've even heard that some people are looking to adopt some of the orphaned children. What a blessing!! I urge everyone to lend their support in any way.
The Scott Roeder trial began this past week. It was very surreal watching members of my home congregation in Wichita, KS testify as witnesses. It was hard to watch them relive the day that evil man walked into our church and killed one of our parishoners. I saw glimpses of Dr. Tiller's family on television as well. The were crying and looking down as they replayed images of Dr. Tiller's body being taken from our church. I can only hope that God gives them the strength to get through the trial and that justice is served in this matter.

things that perplex me

Over the weekend, I thought about things that I find curious, intriguing and disgusting. Some of the things fit in all three categories. others just one or two

Jaycee Dugard--I am fascinated by all things associated with this kidnapped woman. I'm amazed by it all. I remember feeling that way when they found Elizabeth Smart, but for some reason this is just too real. I read that she feels guilty for bonding with her captor. I just want to be like, "it's okay. you're safe now." I can't imagine what she or her children are going through right now.
Gia--so I'm watching the movie about her with Angelina Jolie on the Oxygen network. Again, I'm perplexed and intrigued by tragic people, particularly women. Such a beautiful woman with so many issues.
Swine Flu--Absences were at an all-time high today. Kids were sent home left and right. I pray that I don't get it. I pray my father doesn't get it as well. He has one more month until he retires. If he can get through this month, he'll be home free. He wasn't feeling too well this weekend. They took him off some meds to test for Parkinson's Disease, so he's having a hard time adjusting. Sometimes he forgets to take the meds he's supposed to take and that messes him up even more. Hopefully, he'll get back on track. NO SWINE FLU!
The 90's--I attended a really fun 80's celebration while I was home in Wichita. I got to see old friends from college and some from high school. So, I'm wondering when are people going to start having 90's parties? I love the 90's! Truly the best time! The music was awesome. Let me refresh your memory:
-Grunge (think Nirvana, Blind Melon, etc., flannel shirts)
-East Coast vs. West Coast (Biggie, Tupac)
-Crash Test Dummies (Mmmmmm Mmmm...what the hell)
-MC Hammer (hammer pants)
-Vanilla Ice
-the rise of boy bands (N'Sync, Backstreet Boys, Boyz II Men, Soul 4 Real)
-Lillith Fair (Fiona Apple, Sarah MacLaughlin, Sheryl Crow)
-Bone Thugs N' Harmony

Okay so those are my rants for now. Ummm... onto some good news
-Mr. Soup is applying to grad school at Texas A&M Commerce and UTA. He's also applying for his LBSW license.
-Mr. Soup may be able to get the teeth he needs extracted and replaced with implants at a fraction of the cost.
-I'm going to start taking new member classes at a local church I've been attending! Woo-hoo!

Come Undone

Who do you need?
Who do you love?
When you come undone...

Remember that Duran Duran song from the 90's? I used to love that song.

I have been feeling a little undone lately, but in a good way...I guess. This month has been tough financially. We had to dip into savings when Murad's uncle died and twice for Sam's vet bills. My check engine light also came on. Ughhh. I feel like will we ever get ahead? Will my plans for saving for a family actually go through?

Murad reminded me that during this recession and other hard times, we need to focus on the now. "Ash, we have everything we need today. We aren't going hungry. Abby is taken care of. We have our two beautiful dogs with us." Why can't I be that optimistic? Why can't I live for the moment. (not to say Murad doesn't plan ahead..he does, but he adapts to change better than I do) Reading through my blogs one would think I'm not happy with my current situation. I complain about not having a house, I worry about accidentally getting pregnant before "we're ready," I'm eager for Murad to get in and out of grad school, etc, etc. It's like I have this ideal timeline. When in reality, my life right now is great. I feel like I don't embrace the "right now." I sometimes think my timeline makes me hypocritical and that I push my expectations onto others. I'm always looking ahead. While that serves me well in a lot of areas, I feel like I don't fully get to experience the joys of this time in our lives. All the good things in my life are the unexpected joys I've found. None of them were planned. I never imagined I'd marry a man I met at an airport who has a child and who is a different faith, but I did.... what a blessing it has been to marry him.

So, I'm going to become more process oriented instead of product oriented. I strive for perfection, but I also need to embrace who I am right now and the process I'm taking not to become pefect and not become whole, but just the future me! One thing my friend Katie does in her blog is list things that are important to her and for which she is grateful. I think I need to do that, not as a reminder and not as an affirmation, but maybe as a chronicle? I can look back and say, "ah! Remember that time? It was so great!"

things I am grateful for right now:
-time to read...I'm almost done with The Shack (excellent book! Highly recommend) and I'm simultaneously reading a book my friend is writing. I love getting lost in books and so thankful for the summer days by the pool to do so
-Jesus...ummm....reading The Shack made me appreciative for the relationship I have with Him. His love is Awesome and I strive to understand it.
-my husband....WOW! I dated some duds before him and he has been such a breath of fresh air. He pushes me outside my comfort zone, but he's always there for me no matter what problem I'm having. I sometimes have to remind myself that I'm not going through this alone anymore and that he's always there for me.
-health....I was sick a few weeks ago and it sucked. Sam was sick this week and it really sucked. I'm glad we're healthy. enuf said
-The Woodards....my first family. even though we're all in different places I'm reminded daily how intertwined we are.
-uncertainty....I'm thankful for this feeling right now and also it's counterpart that I hope will follow.

DIVORCE

No, I'm not getting divorced, but I feel like everyone else is. Through the magic (not sure if you want to call it magic) of facebook, you can sort of spy on people and their everchanging status and relationship status. It just kind of brings you down. I think it brings me down because A.) I've only been married for four months and I have a long way to go in this marriage. I don't like hearing stories of failure when I'm all happy and optimistic and IN LOVE! B.) I don't know what brings people to that point. I mean there are some divorces that you see coming from the second the couple walks down the aisle. Some people get married for the wrong reasons (young and horny seem to be the common reasons in the U.S.) and divorce just seems inevitable. However, some people seem happy and seem perfect for each other, and then it all just falls apart.

I was talking to Murad about it last night.
Me: How can someone just throw it all away?
Murad: Sometimes, Ash it doesn't seem like they're throwing it away. To them, it seems like they're gaining more.
Me: But why???
No answer. Well, actually he said he thinks some guys just want to try something new (and by something new he means CHEAT with a hot young thing). He said he just can't figure out why guys would throw it all away to chase tail.

Ironically today when I turned on the television show, the Tyra Banks show was on and the subject was internet dating websites for married people. These websites promise anonymity for men and women who want to meet married people and date them. Uggh! Tyra had the president of AshleyMadison.com, a married dating site, on television. They also had some men and women who had been affected by the website. One women loved cheating on her husband and didn't want to work on her marriage even though her husband was begging her to do so. One woman had sex with over 150 men in a six month period. Another woman decided to take her husband back after he cheated on her using the website to meet people. It was a sad and disgusting episode.

I know there is no magic trick to having a successful marriage free of infidelity and/or divorce. However, I hope Murad and I can work on whatever issues that arise so that neither of us feels as though cheating or divorce is a better option than fidelity, love and marriage. I just hope we never fall out of love with each other and lose sight of what is important. I know that sounds idealistic and maybe unrealistic, but it is my goal....our goal!

Brand New Flavor in Yo Ear!

Some new pics of things I've created or redecorated! I'm not quite done with the Abby/Guest/Office room, so I won't post pics of the ugly unfolded laundry on the bed or the piles of bills spread out across the ottomon. However, I did put the rug down. Mr. Soup absolutely loves it. He said it adds something to the room. The chest looks cute too!

Okay, so about two months ago I bought these two black chairs off of RISD marketplace. I put them in front of the fireplace along with an altar arrangement from our wedding to make a little sitting area. Even though I cannot fully redecorate, I do enjoy changing things around every few months. When Murad goes out of town I take the opportunity to rearrange furniture or buy new furniture. He hates change, but he's slowly coming to appreciate my decorating craze!

The colors for our bedroom are deep blue, scarlet, gold and brown. We got a beautiful gold duvet and pillows along with a stunning red paisley sheet set. In addition, I bought an end table from RISD marketplace and a lamp from Wal-Mart. The only thing I need to get is a brown or gold bed skirt. You can see how well it matches our master bathroom decor. Notice my babies in the pics as well.

Mr. Soup snapped some pics of us sleeping. I had no idea until I loaded pics on here that he did that. You can see that my dogs really think they are human. Maya sleeps with her head on the pillow too! They crack my shit up!

Lastly, I made some mother's day cards this year. I got the idea from Murad's stepmom. She's always calling us her little chicks, so I went with a one cool chick theme for them! I loved making them. I need to make some graduation/congrats on passigng the bar exam cards too. Lots to do! Abby's aunt graduated from high school and will attend a small Lutheran college next fall. My brother graduates this summer from KU. My bridesmaid (and best friend) Christina's husband just recently passed the Colorado bar exam. I'm so excited of all their accomplishments.

can't sleep

I'm waiting for my car to be fixed. weird I know, but they're open until midnight. I may just pass out and pick it up tomorrow. I should work on homework, grade papers, or fold clothes, but I'm not. I dusted tonight and made homemade pizza, oh, and I cried a little. it's just been an emotional week. there have been some ups and downs. the funniest thing did happen this week....a girl PEED in my classroom. full-fledged pee. and it stank! I wanted to laugh so hard. my laughter turned into tears. ironically, i have had problems with incontinence the past few weeks. I had to go to the doctor on monday for it after i had to race out of Kinko's last week because of it. Fortunately I left before anything could happen among 10 strangers. my students sat in her pee and left a puddle of yellow on my floor. nice! i just don't get it.
i got my name changed. i don't think i really thought about what this means. i am no longer Ashlea Jean Wichita. it feels good to have my husband's last name, but it's just weird to have the identity i've had for 27 years vanish. I struggled with whether I should be Ashlea Wichita Soupl, Ashlea Jean Wichita Soup or Ashlea Jean Soup. I chose simple over tradition and did Ashlea Jean Soup. I like the initials AJC (haha stalker now you know my last name isn't Soup! it's all a rouse!)
i won some cool prizes in the NCAA Big Brackets contest that I entered. I won an IPOD nano, Boulevard wheat glass, hat and sticker and KC Wizards tickets. Pretty cool! It was like getting another wedding gift! so definitely some highs this week
and from my earlier blog you can tell I've been missing Philip like crazy lately. don't know why but i do. i know I need to do a better job of dealing with my emotions, but man. i just don't know how sometimes. you know?
i did discover somehing or should i say someone that makes me extremely happy. CHER! I absolutely love her and her music. I've always been a big Cher fan, but lately she's been on my XM a lot (no coincidence...I programed her into the system) Tonight I jammed to "Dark Lady" as I drove to the Volkswagen repair shop to fork over $300! The other day "Half-Breed" came on the radio. I personally connect with that song. I feel like she captured the mixed-girl's emotions. Some other faves include: "Shoop-Shoop," "Heart of Stone," "If I could Turn back Time!""Believe" "Gypsys, Tramps and Thieves" Classics. I think I'm going to buy a greatest hits album with my $5 Amazon.com gift card that I got for filling out five reviews on the WeddingWire. well now I'm tired. off to bed I go!

Tomorrow is birthday breakfast! yay!
"If I could reach the stars I'd give them all to you"-Cher If I could turn back time