Joely's first hair cut and NJ 1st birthday party

We traveled back to Philadelphia and NJ for Steve and Janell's wedding. While we were there, Joel received his first haircut at Yusef's Unique Cuts. Yusef is Murad's uncle. Murad's other uncle, Uthman, gave Joely his first haircut! What a special day it was for our family!
While in NJ, Murad's dad and stepmom threw Joely a baseball-themed party. Friends and family in the area gathered to celebrate our son. We all had fun! The atmosphere was lively and the conversation was good. Joely really enjoyed diving into his birthday cupcake! Murad and I got a little choked up at the sight of all these people showing up to celebrate Joel. It truly was a sight!

Joely is ONE! Oh, what fun!

On May 22nd, 2012 my baby boy turned one! I couldn't ask for a more perfect son, but I have to admit that I'm a little sad that he's turned one. I know we've been gone from infancy for a bit, but I do miss those days. I'm probably one of the few people who loved the sleepless nights, breastfeeding, crying and exhaustion. I miss those days of being confused and hopelessly in love with my boy. I miss the baby breath, the way his diapers smelled on his body, his widdle clothes, and his long locks of hair. Despite my resistance to him growing up, I do enjoy seeing more of his personality, witnessing his fearlessness and his curiosity, and watching him grow physically. He has brought so much joy to my life and his father's. We both agree that the best day of our lives so far was the day of his birth. Each day since has been a gift. A gift we don't deserve, but for which we're so thankful.


*Photo disclaimer: This photo was taken May 22nd, 2012 4:34am. His official birthday time!

Motherhood deterrent

I hate when mothers scare non-mothers away from parenthood. Recently, I was reading a friend's blog post and was saddened by what I read. My friend is totally geeked at the possibility of getting her dream Canon. She revealed this to a group of people and one of them, a mother, remarked that big purchases like that go to the side once you have kids....grrr...

I hate when people give such a negative view of motherhood. Now that I'm a mom, I want to share with the world just how great motherhood is. I choose to focus on the many positives rather than focus on the negatives. In fact, I choose to remedy the small negatives when I can.

When I first had Joely, I spent most of my money on him (still do). Recently, I realized that it's okay to spend money on myself. I think it's important to spoil myself with shopping trips for myself by myself.

I also regret putting off girls' trips and romantic getaways because I was nervous about leaving Joel. I know I'll get those opportunities again, but I think I seriously could've benefitted from a little rejuvenation.

I love being a mother. I love waking up to my smiling Joely. I love his little ornery crawl to the places he's not supposed to visit. I love that he thinks he's a dog. I love the way he shakes his little behind when he's naked and getting ready for a bath. I also love the father-son days. I love his nap-time. I love when he sleeps in (rare).

For me becoming a mom wasn't a big eye-opener. My mom was awesome, selfless and AMAZING! I always wanted to be like her. I've always wanted to be a mom. I've always wanted to sacrifice for my children. I've always wanted to give that unconditional love. I think one thing my mom did really well was balance. She was never into traveling, but my mom can shop. She loves to shop for others, but she always made sure to shop for what she loves. I think when we think that everything must go to our children, we lose sight of what's important: being well-rounded, happy mamas!

I love that he's sees me as mom, but I hope someday (when he's out of that self-absorbed stage) he'll see that I'm a person too.

So, all the single ladies (all the single ladies!) Being a mama is pretty darn awesome.

House Updates

We ended up using the new furniture money for other things like our trip to Philadelphia. We also need to buy Joel a new dresser next month, as he has way too many clothes to fit in his small changing table storage center. I still wanted to give the house an inexpensive face lift. Murad organized the our new roof, gutters and siding. That is all done and it looks great! I picked a red roof for our house. The beige one from before wasn't cutting it!

I bought an all-over stencil from Hobby Lobby for $17, used my brother-in-law's leftover Pebble Grey paint and bought some new paint supplies ($15) to paint a new design for the chair-rail/accent wall in the kitchen. It mimics the look of wallpaper, but it was so much easier and less mess. Plus, I can just paint over it in a few years if I get tired of it. I absolutely love it. It adds some pizzazz to that area!

Next week, I'm painting the dark wood paneling (leftover from the 70's) white. I think it will brighten up the family room especially since the only "windows" are the french doors that lead to the patio.

As soon as Joely starts walking, Murad and I are going to rip up the carpet in the family room and put in hardwood flooring. The hardwood will be kind of expensive, but we'll save money DIYing it.

Our New Life

As the school year winds down, I'm busier than ever. My grades for the community college are due Sunday and I have yet to do them. I'm in the middle of a training for one of my part-time jobs (more on that later). Tomorrow we head to a baby modeling casting call so that we can attempt to put some money away for Joel to attend college (don't worry...baby modeling is not our only mode of saving for college). Our six year anniversary is next week. Joel turns one on the 22nd. We leave for Philadelphia a few days later where we will celebrate one Joel-birthday and friends' wedding. The school year will end and I will not only pack up my classroom for the summer, but I will pack up forever. Family will travel to Texas for Joel's birthday party (his 2nd one). whew. sounds like a lot, right? It is.
This has been our life for the past few months. I think we always have something. Up until May 1st, it was Murad studying, studying, studying, etc. He did a very good job of balancing his parental duties with studying, but I know it was draining. With his new ADHD medication, he was able to be more focused, but it drained him emotionally and physically. Luckily, he was able to find a dosage that works better so that he's not so tired, hungry and grouchy (yes. I said it!) I loved coming home and finding my honey-do list complete! On May 1st, Murad passed his LMSW exam. He is now a licensed master social worker. This means so many things for our family, but it means the most to my husband. It's the validation he needed to feel good about being a social worker. Getting his master's degree was a huge accomplishment, but you really can't do anything with the degree without the license (or at least make a decent living). Now, he has the opportunity to move up at work, take on PRN jobs or just look for a whole new job. He's got so many options and I think that's what he is really excited about, especially now that we have a family. For now, he's comfortable staying at his current job, especially since it is so flexible.

With his licensure, Murad really encouraged and supported me as I turned in my resignation. Prior to him obtaining his license, I felt a little apprehensive about resigning. I kept saying I was 90% sure. My biggest concerns were financial, but Murad kept telling me that we'd be fine no matter what. Over the past five months, we've just been thinking and praying hard on this. I've been unhappy at work for a while and it doesn't seem like things will get any better next fall. Our former daycare situation scarred us and left us feeling that Joel needs to be home with his parents more. We absolutely love his new sitter and feel as though he has grown so much as a result of her care; however, the selfish part of me wants more time with my boy. The mommy part of me thinks he needs to be with me more. Honestly, I just love spending every minute I can with him. Despite this, I know he needs regular interaction with other adults and children, so we plan to send him to his sitter's twice a week (or more).


I am sad about leaving teaching. I think about all the things I'll miss about being around kids all day and it makes me very, very sad. I think about the friends I've made while working, and I feel overwhelmed with sadness. I feel like I'm abandoning them. the students. my friends. When I think about all the fun things Joel and I will do, it makes it worth it. I smile just thinking about the days ahead. So, on Tuesday I told my principal I would not be coming back and today I turned in my resignation forms. My principal was not happy. In fact, I was shocked at how sad he was. I just have to remember that my family needs me and that I will be extremely happy.

We can afford for me to work part-time, so I plan to teach a couple of classes at the local community college in the evening. Despite this, I also signed up to TA at an online university to make some extra money. Of course, I'll still write. In fact, if writing goes well, I'll drop one of the other jobs. I just think with still having an outstanding hospital bill, saving for a new car, and maybe someday having another baby, it would be good to have a cushion. Plus, having a home comes with unexpected financial surprises and we have seriously depleted our vacation fund(this summer, we're leaving Joel with my parents for a couple of nights while we attend a wedding. I told Murad if all goes well, we could go on another cruise for our 4 year anniversary. gotta start saving now!)

I think the funny part is I'm not struggling with finding my new identity. I guess it's because I get to have the best of both worlds. I'll still get to work outside the home which is something I really want to do, but I'll get to experience being a SAHM. Growing up, my parents both worked full-time outside of the home. Because they worked opposite shifts, it never felt as though we were stuck in daycare. My mom was able to spend the mornings and early afternoons with us, while my dad was on evening and bedtime duty. My parents were always "there." This was something I didn't realize or never really thought about. I didn't realize how badly I wanted it for Joel. Thankfully, Murad wants that too. So now, in true Soup fashion, we are creating our own little culture. We're both still going after our career dreams and passions, but we're also shaping our lives around an important little guy: Joel!

Garden Gourmet Mac'n Cheese

Yesterday I went to the market to get some peaches to put in Joel's barley cereal. I try to go twice a month because the veggies are just so good there! My favorites are the sweet carrots, and Murad loves their giant green peppers. I also wanted to pick up some squash to make the dish I'm going to share below. Joely doesn't really eat baby food anymore, but we keep a few pouches on hand for quick lunches. The other day I was feeding him some baby food mac n' cheese. I was looking at the back of the pouch at the ingredients and thought, this would be good for adults to eat if it wasn't blended. His pouch listed squash, onions, cheddar cheese, heavy cream and macaroni as the ingredients. My mom had a recipe that had a yummy cheese sauce made of some of my favorite cheeses. So, I used that (and added canned chicken for my husband) to make the Garden Gourmet Mac n' Cheese! It was so yummy and filling. My husband loved it and asked for seconds. I'm so glad to have found Mac n' Cheese that is yummy and healthy. That means we won't have to rely on Kraft or Velveeta for Joel!

Garden Gourmet Mac n' Cheese
1 Tbsp butter
1 Tbsp flour
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1 1/4 cup milk (I used plain Almond milk)
1 Tbsp instant minced onion
2 tsp dry mustard
1 lb mix of shredded cheddar cheese, fontina and feta
3 1/3 cups of cooked whole wheat macaroni
2 4.5 oz cans of organic chicken
1 cup of chopped sweet onion
1 1/2 cups of cubed, steamed yellow squash

Melt butter in skillet over low heat. Stir in flour, salt and pepper until smooth. Remove from heat. Gradually stir in milk. Add minced onion and mustard. Cook over medium heat until thickened. Add cheese and let melt.

Combine macaroni, cheese sauce, squash, onion, and chicken in 1 1/2 quart greased baking dish. Bake on 350 for 35 minutes.

Mother Fears

Before having Joel, I didn't realize how scary being a mother would be day in and day out. In fact, I envisioned myself being this carefree mother who would let my baby fall down without worrying. I was determined to be the opposite of my mother.
That quickly changed when I was pregnant. First, I discovered that everything I did could possibly affect Joel. I was extremely careful about what I ate during those first twelve weeks. No turkey sandwiches, no weird cheeses, etc. Joel rarely let me eat my guilty pleasure...Chick-fil-A. Something about it (and most chicken) made him (me) nauseated. Unfortunately, my love for Chick-fil-A did not die after giving birth...
I was also so careful not to lift things. I just really wanted a healthy baby. I thought my worries would be gone after he was born. Boy, oh boy was I wrong. I remember crying in the closet for a week because I thought I was messing him up already. I find myself going through those panicky phases again.
The other day I watched a show on the ID channel. The ID channel is one of my guilty pleasures. I got hooked watching it in the wee hours of the night when nursing my son. Sometimes I would freak myself, but I still watched. Last night I watched an episode in which a mother sacrificed herself so that her kids could get to safety. She was kidnapped, raped and murdered. She did all the right things by leaving clues, calling 911 and screaming for help in public, but the 911 call center and police kind of dropped the ball.
I felt an extreme connection to this mother who I did not know. I would do anything to save Joel; however, I worry about what would happen if he did not have a mother? the woman's husband remarked that it was a blessing that their sons were too young to remember the ordeal, but also that it was a shame that they will not have any concrete memories of their mother. Things like that freak me out. I not only have to worry about his safety, but I also have to make sure I'm safe so that he has a mother.
That's one of the reasons why I'm so picky about what I feed Joel and my family. I know my friends don't understand how the queen of casseroles now prepares hearty, healthy meals. How the person who once bought one veggie once a month, now visits the farmer's market for fruit and veggies. How the person who used to live on Lean Cuisines, can no longer stand them. Yep. that's me. I I think it's great that my family is coming to see things the way I do, especially in regards to soy. Joel's pediatrician wanted us to switch him to soy formula, but we were reluctant. I've read so many bad things about soy and Murad and I have tried to exclude it as much as we can from our diet. I reluctantly put Joel on soy formula. It did not affect his spit-up as we thought. He grew out of the spit-up phase when he started crawling just as his dad did. We immediately put him back on regular formula and I'm so glad we did. It's one of those mother fears that I had and I wish I would've trusted my instincts instead of listening to what others thought was best. We love our pediatrician, so that is not to say that we don't trust her completely. I just think sometimes it's not all scientific.
Murad and I also try to avoid fast food. Of course, we have our weaknesses: Chipotle and Jimmy John's are the two we battle right now! I do not want us to become dependent on them. It makes me sad that fast food is so cheap and so many families have no choice but to rely on it. I feel like our nation does not do a good job of educating poor families on how to eat better.
Finally, GMO and GE foods are also on my list. I feel passionately that the government should provide labels for consumers. Many do not know which foods contain GMO and GE ingredients.
Why is this so important to me? Obviously, I want Joely to eat well, but it is also important for us to do the same. Remember how I said that I want Joel to have a mom (and dad)? This is why! We need to keep our bodies in tip-top condition. Food is one of those things that is easy to control. I want to lead a long, healthy life for myself and my family. I want Joel to know his mother.
My mom started reading The Ugly Truth by Robin O'Brien. I have not read it yet, but I follow her work closely. My mom was astonished by what she read. While we ate extremely healthy as children, my mom couldn't help but think that she made errors. She worries that the allergies we have may have been due to something we ate or that she ate while pregnant. While this may seem extreme, it's not. I've heard countless cases of children having ill effects due to eating McDonald's and soy.
As I learn more about the food industry, I'm sure I'll share more ramblings. Just know that my posts are out of love for my son and love for all children. I want to make all parents aware of food issues. I know I can't, but maybe some parent will stumble across this blog and learn something.