Sunday, December 6, 2009

I'm so excited....I'm so scared

I'm getting really excited to become a mother, especially as more of my friends are embracing this role. One of my best friends from home just told me that she is pregnant. And while I know this is not the time for us to have children, I love being able to share in their joy. She and I met in middle school and proceeded to attend the same high school and college. I was there when she met her husband (who attended a neighboring high school) and we were there when they got married in spring 2008. I can't wait for them to welcome their little bundle of joy in June.

So yeah, babies are definitely on Mr. Soup and I's mind. Names have been picked and nurseries have been designed (I like to do the fun stuff first). We hope to start trying in the spring/summer 2011. However, I do get a little nervous about bringing a child into this world. I know there were dangers when we were children, but I feel like they weren't this prevalent. I can remember my mom worrying about us getting kidnapped. She made sure we were extra cautious and careful. And we were. I am proud to say I was a lot more socially aware and cautious than most of my friends. I was always aware of my surroundings. My mom's paranoia became deep-set in me and now that I skirt the edge of motherhood, it is resurfacing.

Over the last few weeks, I've watched a number of movies. First, the movie Precious. I read the novel (Push) when I was student-teaching. I only read it because all my students were obsessed with it. And while I was moved by it, my 23 year old (free of marriage, thoughts of babies, and years of teaching experience), could not fully fathom the effect sexual abuse, poverty, and illiteracy could have on one's life.

Last night my brother-in-law and I watched the movie Taken. Um...I never want my children to travel to Europe. Okay, no I don't mean that, but damn. What if my child lacks common sense and ends up the victim of a sex-slave trade.

Other events in the media that have had an effect on me:
The murder of Shaniya Davis---again child abuse and human trafficking
The Amanda Knox trial---not sure if she did it, but this added to the list of reasons why my children should not travel to Europe. There was no physical evidence linking her to it!

I didn't write this to help ease my fears, but just to get some of my thoughts off my chest. I want to protect my children from so much. I pray Abby never meets a fate. I pray that we can lessen the number of children who are exploited each day.

1 comment:

  1. the moment you become pregnant, you start worrying about miscarriage. then you magically enter your second trimester and your worries ease-- or so you think. then you start to worry about the genetic side of things as you near your 20 wk appt. then if that goes well, you start worrying about the baby not kicking enough or some minor spotting. all you want is to hold that little baby and know that they're safe-- and then you do. and then the real fears set in. sids, car accidents, in-house accidents, kidnapping, etc. etc. i hope you know i'm not trying to scare you--- really, i promise. but i just want to give you the heads up. the worries never cease, but you have to learn a way to be aware of them and deal. yes, there will be plenty of sleep lost over worrying (especially after seeing movies like taken), but those little people are in god's hands, too. he has a plan for them no matter what his/her earthly parents think. and that can also be hard to deal with. i just try to find comfort in it. again, sorry if i scared you-- i'm just trying to be honest. trust me, they're all worth every little worry. i know this is about 10 yrs away, but i'm already saying, "god help me when they start driving." it is so scary to think about!!! congrats to your friend. also, if you're willing to share, i'd love to hear your names!!! i'm kinda obsessed!