Tuesday, September 14, 2010

another rainy day

it's raining. I'm waiting on Mr. Soup to come home so we can cuddle up and watch TV. Our new flat screen TV is perfect for days like this.
today was kind of rainy with my heart too. my stepdaughter's mother told us that she no longer wants us in my stepdaughter's life.i guess us calling, sending packages, sending cards of encouragement was hard for her mom. even though my stepdaughter cried that she wanted to be able to talk to her daddy, her mom said she didn't want it. it's sad. we could fight it, but our lawyer said we would invest thousands of dollars and we still would probably lose. it's hard to prove neglect, especially in that small town. our only way would be to get my stepdaughter to testify against her mother and we hate to do that to a her. no matter how messed up her mom is, it's still not fair.
i really wish that we could've been a perfect blended family. my hope was that she would benefit from both families. i still have some hope that things will change, but i have learned not to get my hopes up. i've also subscribed to the theory that everything happens for a reason. maybe this experience will make my stepdaughter stronger. i know it may shape her negatively, but i hope she can channel this into something positive. i hope the universe will protect her.
maybe mr. soup and i needed to be free from this for a while so that we can heal and prepare our hearts for the family we will have in the future. i think we focused too much on fixing something we couldn't rather than allowing what we have to grow. And I think it is time to "grow" our family. In fact, Mr. Soup and I are hoping that some day soon we'll add to our family. Lately, I've been thinking of things I want to do before we have more kids and I can honestly can say there is nothing more that I want to do, because I realize I can do many of those things while being a mom. Although, Mr. Soup did tell me we need to be prepared to go into debt so that we can attend the super bowl this spring in dallas. not sure of how i feel about that one, but I'll take it! okay, so below is a list of my regrets, accomplishments and goals:
1. not studying abroad in college. i think i was too scared to do it. i should've traveled more. it's something i hope our kids do. incidentally one of my goals is to travel more. Mr. Soup and I are passionate about traveling with our kids when we have them. we want to show them the world and teach them to appreciate different cultures.
2. okay so that's really my only regret. because let's face it, i had a blast in college! i loved it and i miss it, but i have no desire to go back. oh not being in love with a stupid ex-boyfriend for two years of college..that would be a regret, but i take it as a learning experience. prepared me for the one who would cherish my heart!
1. meeting a guy at a totally random place and then marrying him. this is pretty cool for me because i'm not a risk taker by nature. most people marry someone who they've known for a significant amount of time. marrying someone who i met an airport is pretty kick-ass!
2. teaching at a community college. it was one of my long-term goals and i think i reached it in a fairly short amount of time. i absolutely love it! I'm glad I did it!
3. making kids enjoy reading....uh big time accomplishment if you've met this generation's youth.
4. i'll have to think of some more, but i'm sure there are tons. oh having not only one master's degree, but two. yep that's right. between mr. soup and me, we have 6 and half degrees: me- 1 bachelor's 2 master's and him: 1 associate's, two bachelor's and he's almost done with his master's. i'm glad i got my first master's (English Ed.) and I'm glad I got my 2nd (Educational Admin.), but getting the 2nd one helped me realize how much I don't want to be principal. In fact, I'm hoping to either stay in the junior high classroom, move to HS or teach full-time at a community college.
1. travel
2. get a new car in the next few years. I really want a mazda cx9, but I'm leaning towards a mazda 5 (minivan)...it actually doesn't look like a mini-van (it's small and sleak) and it starts at $18,000 (I can't justify spending $35,000 for a car), so I could pay it off quickly!
3. plant a garden in our backyard...i've been procrastinating mostly because I'm afraid the dogs will poop in it.
4. i need to think of some more goals
so that is this rainy day post in a nutshell. it's a little sad. a little optimistic. but it's all me!

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