Foreclosure....

No, we're not facing foreclosure. We don't even own property, so no worries there. I've decided to foreclose on my worrying about the future. I feel like I always worry and then it halts my life drastically. I can't help it. It runs in my family. My mom. My maternal grandmother (she's still pissed that we're going to Punta Cana instead of Hawaii. She thinks islands outside the US are dangerous). Anyways, I'm trying to use foreclosure as a metaphor here, and it's not really working, so on to the meat of my post.

Murad had a good coversation with one of his old professors who told him that he should still apply to grad school this year. He thinks Murad has a really good chance of getting in this year. Even if he doesn't, he advised not getting an MSW, but instead taking some psych classes to keep up to date and reapply next year. So, he is going to apply this year and if he doesn't get in, he'll try next year.

So our plan of saving a whole bunch of $$ is kind of shot. If he gets in to grad school right away, we won't be able to save as much. My dream of owning a home and starting a family while he's in grad school was shot as well. That was until....foreclosure. I know it's kind of risky, but I've been reading up on it lately, and it's really a good option for those who want to live in a home. My cousin returned back to school along with her boyfriend. She was able to buy a nice house near UMKC for the price of a car! So, of course I'm picking her brain to find out more details. We might as well take advantage of this economic crisis and buy sooner rather than later. I know we may not get a home for as cheap as she got hers, but we could hopefully get a decent home that we could pay off fast and then sell once he's out of grad school. I would love it if our only debt was our student loans and his car payment (mine will be paid off June 2010!!! woo-woo!) Murad really liked my idea, because he never wanted a traditional mortgage, so this plan was right up his alley.

Anyways, as our plans change I realize I can't worry all the time. There is always a way to achieve our dreams. We just have to be creative, determined and non-worrying! confident would've been a better word...huh?

Let's see, let's talk about life right now....the road to our destination. Things are good. really good. Abby is still here and enjoying her time here. I'm so glad she gets to enjoy being a kid while she's here. Last week she had her first Dallas sleepover and had a blast. She loves camp and art class. I just love seeing her so happy and carefree. She has so many friends at camp. I think she is the most popular girl (no, seriously, she is!!!) We're still having her run each night. When we first started she only did 4 laps each night and now she does 20 laps each night. She also used to only do 10 push-ups and 10 sit-ups each night and now she does 100 of each. We're really trying to get her in shape and build good eating and exercising habits. I know it will be hard when she returns back home, but I hope she'll still want to run and play outside.

Last night I went dancing...salsa dancing with my friend Heather from work and some of her friends. Salsa dancing is such a work-out! I didn't get out of bed until 10:30am! Murad is at work today, so I kind of freaked when I woke up so late, but Abby didn't get up until 11:30am. We're kind of having a lazy, lazy day. I think we'll eat lunch, go to the library and then go grocery shopping. tonight is family movie night: Twilight! It's Abby's favorite movie and Murad has wanted to see it. Luckily Nana Babs and Papa Ken (my parents) own it and kindly burned a copy for us.

Okay, off to shower and get dressed!

DOUBLE POST DAY

Since I posted such a depressing post about marriage and divorce, I thought I'd post a happier post. Yesterday, I attended Christ Lutheran Church with my friend Rachel and my Abby. I went because my old (and favorite) pastor was there! Pastor Jerry...well now Bishop Jerry! It was so good to see him. Christ Lutheran had an intern ordained yesterday. Since she will serve at a church in Kansas, Bishop Jerry came to ordain her. He really was an influential man in my life while I was growing up. He led our church in such a positive direction. All the changes led to his position as bishop of the Central States Synod. I read at his installation service in Overland Park eight years ago (hard to believe I was in college that long ago!). Anyways, it was so good to see him and catch up. Rachel and I were totally excited (she attended my church in Wichita and now lives here in Dallas, too).

Rachel and I also remininsced about good times at Reformation. We really did attend Reformation during it's hey day. When we were in middle school we built a new church and as a result I was the first class to be confirmed in the new church. In addition, we were part of the groups that went to Sky Ranch Lutheran camp in Colorado, we went to the ELCA Youth Gathering in St. Louis, went on camping trips and a trip to Minnesota. While we were members there, John Leavitt was the choir director. Not only was he an awesome choir director, but he composed music that is now used in all the Lutheran Books of Worship. I could go on and on about how great my church was for me growing up. I'm still saddened that all the good things are overshadowed by the fact that our beloved member Dr. Tiller was murdered there. Even a month later it is still hard to grasp. But I digress.....Sunday was such an awesome experience. I felt so close to the Lord that day.

DIVORCE

No, I'm not getting divorced, but I feel like everyone else is. Through the magic (not sure if you want to call it magic) of facebook, you can sort of spy on people and their everchanging status and relationship status. It just kind of brings you down. I think it brings me down because A.) I've only been married for four months and I have a long way to go in this marriage. I don't like hearing stories of failure when I'm all happy and optimistic and IN LOVE! B.) I don't know what brings people to that point. I mean there are some divorces that you see coming from the second the couple walks down the aisle. Some people get married for the wrong reasons (young and horny seem to be the common reasons in the U.S.) and divorce just seems inevitable. However, some people seem happy and seem perfect for each other, and then it all just falls apart.

I was talking to Murad about it last night.
Me: How can someone just throw it all away?
Murad: Sometimes, Ash it doesn't seem like they're throwing it away. To them, it seems like they're gaining more.
Me: But why???
No answer. Well, actually he said he thinks some guys just want to try something new (and by something new he means CHEAT with a hot young thing). He said he just can't figure out why guys would throw it all away to chase tail.

Ironically today when I turned on the television show, the Tyra Banks show was on and the subject was internet dating websites for married people. These websites promise anonymity for men and women who want to meet married people and date them. Uggh! Tyra had the president of AshleyMadison.com, a married dating site, on television. They also had some men and women who had been affected by the website. One women loved cheating on her husband and didn't want to work on her marriage even though her husband was begging her to do so. One woman had sex with over 150 men in a six month period. Another woman decided to take her husband back after he cheated on her using the website to meet people. It was a sad and disgusting episode.

I know there is no magic trick to having a successful marriage free of infidelity and/or divorce. However, I hope Murad and I can work on whatever issues that arise so that neither of us feels as though cheating or divorce is a better option than fidelity, love and marriage. I just hope we never fall out of love with each other and lose sight of what is important. I know that sounds idealistic and maybe unrealistic, but it is my goal....our goal!

A Change of Plans

It seems like every time I write a blog entry, something changes. I'm always planning and then things change. However, this time the change is big and a good one. Murad has decided to postpone applying to grad school until next year. That means we are waiting to make a big move until 2011. There were a lot of things building up to this. First, Murad has had a stressful summer with classes and working full-time. He hasn't really been able to study for the GRE like he wants to. While his GPA is good, he wants to be higher. So, after he graduates he is going to enroll in an MSW program, most likely at Texas A&M Commerce. He can get an awesome grad GPA, gain some research experience and a counseling practicum. Doctorate progams in psychology look very highly on research experience and since he's applying to mostly counseling psych programs, it will look good to have a counseling practicum. He can study for the GRE, take a prep course if necessary and take it more than once so he can get the score he wants.These are all things I've learned as the wife of a professional student (more on that later...)
At first it seemed like a big blow, but after we started talking about it, we realized this will open up a lot of doors for us. We're hoping that Murad's internship at Baylor turns into a full-time gig once he graduates. Hopefully, we can maintain our current poverty line existence and build a nest-egg with one of our salaries. That way when we move we can A.) buy a house in his grad school location. B.) put some money away so that we can start our family while he is in grad school. Luckily, Murad is applying to funded doctoral programs so his tuition & fees would be covered and he would receive a modest living stipend. Even with that I worried if having a baby while he is in grad school was smart to do. I kind of made myself believe that I would have to wait to be a mother. However, I'm not getting any younger. Having a baby while I'm in my forties is not for me (I don't knock those who do...it's just not me!). While I'm not ready for motherhood, I know that in a few years I will be and at that time I don't want anything to stand in the way of that! So, I feel a little more peace in my heart about that. I truly believe God brought this confusion into our lives for us to make sense of it and come up with a plan to works for us as a family.
In addition, I think this will enable him to get into one of his top choices. We're really hoping for KU or UMKC, so we'll see!
There are a few things I want to do before we move. Since we do want to have children in a few years, I really need to reconsider my career choice. I'm seriously looking into teaching at a community college. I love being a teacher of junior high students, but it would be too stressful while being a mommy. I'm hoping the time here will allow me to grow a pair and apply to teach (part-time...maybe one night a week or in the summer) at one of the local community colleges. Just to give it a try and see if I like it and gain some experience. I'm just a little nervous because a.) I am young and look really, really young (I get mistaken for 13....no joke) b.) I still doubt my skills...I know, it's dumb, but I do. I need to get over that....and I will.
Another thing I want to do is learn more about what it's like to be the wife of a grad school student. I've been researching it a lot and there really isn't much out there. I'm thinking of starting a blog or a website that provides an outlet for us strong women. We face so many challenges (finances, stress, dissertation, etc.) and joys (graduation, paid internship!). So that is one of my summer projects: researching and writing about being a professional-student spouse.
I feel like I just wrote a book. It was good and cathartic though. everything is just real good right now...

I'm a Hustler, baby!

So yesterday I go to pick up Abby from camp. On Wednesdays they always take field trips, so I was eager to hear how her trip to the bowling alley was. The usual 7-year old retellling of a field trip ensued.
"It was fun. Our team won!" Cool. Awesome. Way to go Abby.
"I didn't get any tickets, so Zoey gave me 30 of hers." Wow. Zoey is nice. "I bought some harmonicas with them." Oh. I thought to myself. I wonder what these five cent harmonicas look like. Let me see them, Abby.
"Oh, I sold them for $10." In my head I'm thinking, she got some street game! what?
"Yeah, I sold them and got $10. I went and bought some snacks out of the vending machine." oh what'd you get?
"Two Honey Buns, Sour Skittles and a whole bunch of drinks." Oh, well give them to me and I'll put them in the fridge.
"I ate them all before you picked me up!" What! I had to remain calm. I wanted to bust out laughing! At this point I texted Murad. He called me back immediately. I could tell he was shocked. We both didn't know whether to high five Abby or punish her. I mean, seriously, she hustled a girl out of her tickets, bought cheap, worthless harmonicas and made $10! Either she's a genius or these kids are just idiots. It makes me question the quality of the Richardson Independent School District math program.
Despite finding this all amusing, I remained firm and in stepmother-mode. Murad increased her laps, push-ups, and sit-ups. I had her write an apology note and copy down lines. We also took away TV for the next two days. Abby was invited over for a sleepover on Friday, so we're still deciding whether to allow her to go. I think we'll let her go though.
When Murad got home from work, it was hard for him to keep a straight face. There were times that he couldn't help but laugh, especially when Abby defended the quality of the harmonicas.
Murad: You sold five cent harmonicas and made $10?
Abby: They had gold on them, daddy. Real gold!
We didn't have the heart to tell her that it was gold spray paint.
If any lesson can be learned from this it is the importance of parent involvement. Help your child with their homework, especially math homework. If you can't do math, hire a tutor. You never know when your child will be hustled by a seven year old entrepeneur.

(ignore the messy living area in the pic behind Abby. I've been sick with a stomach virus and was literally camped out on the couch for two days. it's clean now. i promise. no seriously, it is)

what's for lunch?

oh wait I can't eat it. ***DISCLAIMER***NASTINESS TO ENSUE*** After spending most of the night in the bathroom, I'm starting to feel a little bit better. Ughh. I don't know if it's the stomach flu or food poisoning, but it's not fun. It all started on Friday night. I ate a corndog at Kaboom Town and the rode a ride with the moniker "Whiplash." Abby throroughly enjoyed the ride; I was less than thrilled. I felt as though I could've vomited my 12 inch corndog right back up in perfect form. On, Saturday I felt really queasy, but no action. On Sunday, we went to dinner with Murad's friend from NJ and that's when the madness began. About an hour after we arrived home, I became intimate with the master bathroom toilet seat. It pretty much continued until 6am and then started up again around 8am. No sleep. Tonight I have to get sleep because I have so much to do before watching the Michael Jackson memorial. I hate being sick. I sat on the couch and watched Young & the Restless (a fave) Glitter (okay only two minutes before I turned the station...that is a horrible movie!) and one of my old school faves Pretty in Pink. I never realized that the guy who plays Ducky is the same guy from Two and a Half Men. How could I be so blind. I guess I didn't have my time & sickness goggles on when watching Two and a Half Men before.
So, I really need to get Murad on the ball with studying for the GRE. He's been using the flash cards I made him, but we need to go over everything and take the practice tests and possibly look into tutoring. Sometimes, I feel like I'm applying. I'm trying to remain optimistic and realistic. I know Murad can get in somewhere, we're just hoping it's somewhere ideal to us! I do realize location is a sacrifice one has to make when applying to grad school. If for some reason, he doesn't get in this year (2010-2011), we know what we're up against, he can improve his weaknesses and reapply for (2011-2012). I think we've narrowed down the list:
University of Kansas --Counseling Psychology--obvious reasons: it's in KS and close to KC, they have research areas in his interests
Wichita State University--Clinical Psychology--obvious reasons: it's in KS and in my hometown, they have a couple professors with research interests similar to his
Washington State University--Counseling Psychology--our dream has always been to live in the Pacific Northwest, so we thought we'd give it a chance. I know one day we'll end up there, but we thought why not end up there sooner rather than later. Research interests are similar to his too
University of Missouri-Kansas City--Counseling Psychology-- they have research interests similar to his, we'd be in KC and we both have friends living in that area
University of Oklahoma--Counseling Psychology--research interests similar to his
Oklahoma State University--Counseling Psychology--research interests similar to his
Texas A&M Commerce (Mesquite)--Social Work (MSW)--close proximity to where we are now

We're hoping for the top 4, but the bottom 3 are okay and will keep us in the midwest area. As you can see we're hoping for a cooler climate. I think our dogs would greatly appreciate the climate change!

I know whatever happens we'll be okay. We've been so blessed during our three years together with good fortune, good friends and good family.

Anyways, enough about that and more about ME! J/K Besides being sick, I have had a great time being DONE with summer school! Yeah! I also passed my principal practice exam and will officially have a (2nd) master's degree in August. I've lost a few pounds from running with Abby each night. Abby has lost a lot of weight too, so we've been pretty successful in that department. I know Murad is still struggling with his weight, but honestly I love the extra pounds on him. He's got broader shoulders, which I love. lovin' it!

Stolen Quote

I stole this quote from my dear friend Katie's blog. I love this because I feel like while we should hold tight to dreams, we should also embrace new dreams. It's all part of God's ultimate plan for us. The unknown is so scary and exciting!

Sometimes on the way to a dream, you get lost and find a better one...

My goal is to get lost! I'm such a planner, but I need to embrace the unknown. I know Murad would appreciate it!

Okay, I need to head out to Kaboomtown with my favorite girl Abby and my friend Christina!