Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Getting my life back a little

This post is probably TMI, but I really don't care. I'm slowly getting my life back. We have decided to wean Joel. And by we decided, I mean Joel decided. In mid-December I stopped pumping at work (talk about a relief). The stress of my job combined with weight loss made it hard to effectively pump at work. I was still able to nurse Joel in the morning and evening though. After his hospital stay my supply decreased dramatically. Nursing at home became a pain especially with those two teeth in full biting mode. Joely started pushing me away, and we were both in tears. I really beat myself up about it for a while, especially since I planned to nurse for 13 months. I'm now starting to accept that this chapter in our lives is over. Joel just doesn't want to nurse anymore, not even for comfort (tear). Now that he's eating more and more solids, he's also taking in less formula/milk. If I give him a 6 oz bottle of milk, he'll mess around and only drink 3 or 4 oz. It's weird, but I guess it's expected. My mom said my brother was the same way with her, and she forced breastfeeding with him three months after he was "done."

I'm excited to have my life back in that regard. I'll have more free-time and now. I can work out again, and get rid of that extra skin around my tummy. Despite being excited about getting my life back, I am sad about no longer nursing Joely. I know most women hate breast feeding, but I loved it. I felt so needed, loved and warm. I really did bond with my boy during that time. I think about how cute he used to look all curled up on his boppy, and it takes me back to when I had a wee-wittle one. He's now such a big boy now eating his big boy food. While I'm excited to watch him grow, I can't help but miss my baby. I wish I could go back to those early, sleep-deprived days. I had no clue as to what I was doing (I still don't), but I was so overwhelmed with love and worry. I miss that frustration and aching that I felt as we took our son home and tried to figure out what to do with him.

Now we have a curious boy who loves to play, laugh, learn and eat. I want to appreciate this time now because I know in a few months, another entry like this will appear here. I'll miss my little boy because I'll have a big walking and talking boy. Sigh...

On a brighter note, I no longer teach Saturday mornings! I've been teaching Saturday mornings at the community college for the past year and a half! I signed up to teach Monday and Wednesday evenings and Saturday mornings this semester (what was I thinking?). Luckily, my Saturday morning class was canceled due to low enrollment. It means no extra money, but somehow we'll manage. We always do. This means more fun time with Joely and maybe a chance to sleep in---ha! I've been kind of MIA at church on Sundays because I work furiously on Sunday to get all my Saturday morning stuff done. Now, I can make church a priority again.

So, I'm happy to report that I'm getting my body back, my Saturday mornings back and my church-going Sundays back! Woo-hoo!

1 comment:

  1. I agree. It's sad, but it really is nice to get a little bit of your life back!!