this weekend

This weekend was not quite the celebratory weekend we envisioned, but it was a good one. I made M get out of the house and join his guy friends for some good ol' fashion video-gaming. Yes, we're nerd-bombers, I know. Tomorrow we plan to head to downtown Plano for some fresh air and to pick up some veggies at the farmer's market.

M also made a plan to practice acceptance find closure about the exam. He's also finding ways to prep himself for the test in April. I am so stinkin' proud of him. As much as it hurts my heart to see him hurting, I'm so proud of him. Today, he goes, "Ash, you working part-time and having more financial freedom would've been an added bonus, but I really, really wanted this license for me and I still do." I'm so glad he hasn't lost his drive. Like I said earlier, he truly is the best social worker out there. I truly believe it is his calling to be a social worker.

Ironically, I had been having panic attacks (not really) about the possibility of working part-time. I guess it's because of the "if you don't work, you don't get paid" thing. Despite having a more flexible schedule, I would miss money if Joel or I got sick. My part-time jobs are so erratic and having researching many, I did not find one that would guarantee a steady paycheck or benefits. We could add Joel and I to Murad's insurance, but what if we have another baby? I would need maternity leave and most part-time jobs don't offer that. So, my goal is to find a job/career that I love as a full-time job or make the best of the job I currently hold. Since teaching at the community college gives me the teaching freedom I so need, I'll probably continue doing that. Ashlea Campbell Writing also provides a creative outlet, so I will of course keep that up. Those part-time jobs give us a little extra cushion for travel and since we're about 80% sure we want to have another baby in the next year or two (Murad 100% sure and me 60% sure), we need to start saving for another car and for me to take unpaid time off (I really wish I would've taken 6 months off with Joely, but I'm determined to do it right with the next one...oh the things you learn!)

Another reason I need to work full-time is because of private school tuition...yep that's right. I finally won the private school debate! Okay, so we compromised. Prior to Joely being born I was pro-public education. As a product of public education, I believed that it was best. Plus, I felt that private school children were always socially awkward and sheltered. Stereotype, I know, but I felt it. Since Murad and I could not afford a home in Dallas and pay private school tuition, we bought a house in Plano where the schools are supposedly superb (we're not balling by any means, but our modest home would have been nearly twice as much as what we paid to live Plano. this is why people fled to suburbs like Plano and Richardson in the 70's and why they're heading to McKinney, Allen and Frisco now)

When Joel arrived, that all went out the window. I just wanted to keep him in a little bubble world. I actually wanted to homeschool him (no lie), but then I realized I would have to teach him math....Math is something I should not be doing, let alone teaching. As a teacher, I see the good and the bad with public education. I will say that some of it is frightening. Despite all my worries, M felt strongly that Joel and any subsequent Soup children needed to attend public schools, especially for the social factors. Well, somehow we stumbled across this article and M changed his mind. Even though the article has traces of racism and classism (it's like a private education "white-flight"), I mostly identified with the statements about students being ignored and the lack of opportunities available, especially at the secondary level. And even though we're not ballin' and we have no idea if me working full-time will help send Joel to school, our goal is to have him attend public school K-8 and private school for high school. Like I said, I don't know if this will work, but it is our goal for him. As an educator and mom, I want him to get the best education possible.

It's weird how my thinking has changed since Joely entered our lives. For the most part, I'm the mother I always envisioned I would be; however, every now and then I find myself becoming so consumed by something that I can hardly concentrate. The private school thing had been weighing my mind ever since Murad said no to it back in June (yes, I realize that he's only a baby, but I'm a planner). Now that we've reached a compromise that I can live with, I feel so, so much better.