Friday, January 27, 2012

Way too many Changes

When it rains it pours...
Joely is going through a clingy phase, which I am totally loving right now. He always wants to hug and love on his dad and me. It's great, especially since I spend my day with 120 kids who don't appreciate me. As a result, he hasn't been much fun at daycare. Abuela and Miss Christy report that he's quiet and not as playful as he used to be. I think Joely is an observer, but I do worry what that means. He's used to silence (we try to keep the TV off when he's up except for 30 minutes in the morning--I know...bad, but he loves Spongebob in the morning), tons of attention and he's used to playing by himself (he won't even share his toys with us). I welcome this clingy stage, but I worry what it means for the future, especially if we have more kids. Would he be a good big brother? If we don't have anymore children, will he develop the social skills he needs? Ah, how my mind works.

We also have to face the reality that he may not be able to go to daycare in the near future. Our daycare status is kind of up in the air with Christy leaving in May, the city enforcing stricter guidelines on the number of kids and Abuela's landlord selling her house. We are hoping and praying that he'll go there for at least another year, but at this point we just don't know. I started looking at other home daycares in the area and I just wasn't happy. All of them had violations from the state. Abuela has zero violations. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but when it's your pride and joy, you think differently. I just can't imagine sending him elsewhere. I just want the best situation possible. We've thrown around some possibilities.

-Our current one is to continue working our current jobs and look for another home daycare.
-I planned to work part-time and still send Joely to daycare full-time if Murad got his license. Now We're considering working opposite shifts: me part-time teaching at night and him during the day full-time. This would be good except: 1. there is no guarantee with part-time employment, especially with time off if I had another baby. 2. Joel would lose the socialization of daycare. 3. I would lose my "me" time altogether by mommying during the day and teaching at night. 4. Murad and I would rarely see each other. I'm not too worried about this one because my parents worked opposite shifts and made time for date-nights, lunch dates, etc.

Despite not knowing what is going to happen, I delight in this season of change. One of my weaknesses is control and this uncertainty is forcing me to let go and let God. I'm also trusting my husband more. He's been hounding me about getting more me-time. Today I went to happy hour with some friends. I called Murad to see how Joely was doing and he goes, "go have fun!" I don't think he understands how difficult it is to take off the mommy-hat.
Even though things are a little stressful right now with Murad being down, not knowing about our daycare and other things, I'm still extremely thankful for the life I have. I turned 30 yesterday, and for the most part I'm living a dream life that most people would envy. We may not have money, but I am employed, I am healthy, I have a home, I have two great dogs, I'm married to a man who loves me more than anything, and I have the sweetest prince of a son.
While I may not have the answers to what our future holds, I know that as long as Joely and Murad are with me, we'll make the best of it.

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